# Things you want, but don't exist.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 21, 2000, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244 "2000-04-21T02:41:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@mega\_the\_roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mega_the_roo)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/1 "2000-04-21T02:41:00Z")
A pet bologna.
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“Organs gross me out. That’s _organs_, not orgasms.”
-the wallster
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### Author:  [@saucy\_potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucy_potato)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/2 "2000-04-21T02:53:00Z")
A clothing replicator.
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### Author:  [@abderian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abderian)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/3 "2000-04-21T02:54:00Z")
A holi-deck.
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### Author:  [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/4 "2000-04-21T02:55:00Z")
“I have a crush on you and don’t know how to approach you about it, seeing as how I’m married and you’re under 18” greeting cards. Uh, I mean my FRIEND wants those…not me. 😉
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“You guys are outta your league…You’re looking at a woman who has her own harpoon!”
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### Author:  [@saucy\_potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucy_potato)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/5 "2000-04-21T03:00:00Z")
**voguevixen** - You, i mean _your friend_, could probably make one at Hallmark. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/6 "2000-04-21T03:04:00Z")
True love? Oh, sorry. Just feeling a little bitter…
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“I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.” – Antoine de St. Exupéry
Are you a turtle?
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### Author:  [@dragonlady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragonlady)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/7 "2000-04-21T03:08:00Z")
Street legal bumper cars… suggested by my 20 year old son. Count me in for the holo-deck.
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Always remember that you are unique, just like everybody else.
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### Author:  [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/8 "2000-04-21T03:09:00Z")
A lefthanded Smoke defector.
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Oh your from Wales?? Do you know a fella named Jonah?? He used to live in whales for a while.
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/9 "2000-04-21T03:19:00Z")
A reverse microwave. Pop in a beverage, “anti-nuke” it for 30 seconds, and it’s ice-cold.
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**Movie Geek Central** – Reviews, news, analysis, and more! [http://moviegeek.homestead.com](http://moviegeek.homestead.com)
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### Author:  [@delilah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delilah)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/10 "2000-04-21T03:34:00Z")
a remote control for people.
“i want to see a doctor. why can’t i see m” _pushes mute_
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### Author:  [@The\_Sip\_n\_Fly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Sip_n_Fly)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/11 "2000-04-21T03:46:00Z")
Mech Warriors and Quantum Computers
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“I shot the sherrif, I shot the deputy too. No, it wasn’t in self defense. They both looked at me cockeyed so I capped 'em. Then I shot the mayor, then the firechief, decapitated the librarian, impaled the dog catcher, used a spoon to remove the groundskeepers eyes and sent the leader of the local KKK in full KKK uniform to downtown Manhattan. Then I made sweet love to the sexy 18 yr old intern, and it was all good.”
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### Author:  [@MadPoet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPoet)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/12 "2000-04-21T03:55:00Z")
A personal, portable, short term cryogenic suspension chamber. Just think about it… waiting at the DMV? No problem, just suspend for 30 minutes, wake up and take care of business. Long commute? Hop on a bus and turn off for a bit.
Nothing to do this week? Why waste it? Just turn the world off for the week and save yourself the aging! I personally think the idea is brilliant.
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[http://www.madpoet.com](http://www.madpoet.com)
I am human, and I need to be loved
Just like anybody else does
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### Author:  [@Pixoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixoid)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/13 "2000-04-21T04:09:00Z")
**Teleporter** : I’m lazy. Plus, it’d make going home for a weekend a lot easier.
**Laundry folder** : I can generally make the time to do my laundry every now and then. It’s just that it’s generally three in the morning by then, and so I leave the clothes to wrinkle in the basket while I sleep.
**A Dragon** : I’m sorry, but I read Dragonriders of Pern when young and impressionable. I know better, but I can’t help it.
**Portable Transmogrifier** : _I’m late for calc! Quick, I’ll turn into a cheetah!_ Zap! Pow! Race across campus! Pow! Zap! _Just in time…for that test. Shoot._
**Time Pauser** : Oh, no! Half the test done, and five minutes left! I know! I’ll just pause time, finish the test, and unpause it to turn it in.
Sorry…school’s bearing down on me a bit tonight… :eek:
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## My classes are optional. So is graduating. (Certifiable **WallyM7** Sig)
Homepage: [www.lightwave.com](http://www.lightwave.com)
Occupation: Photon
Location: I’m still stuck on this phosphor screen
Interests: Illuminescence, Phosphorescence and Florescence
(Profile by **UncleBeer** )
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### Author:  [@Coach\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coach_Dave)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/14 "2000-04-21T04:11:00Z")
A gallon of gas below $1.50
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God, I wish I was a loofa.
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### Author:  [@MagicalSilverKey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicalSilverKey)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/15 "2000-04-21T04:21:00Z")
Lara Croft of “Tomb Raider” to materialize as a real human woman, and become my loving wife for all eternity!
Lara can “raid” my “tomb” anytime! If only I could raid hers, sigh.
(Note: The “official” Eidos Interactive spokesmodels who portray Lara Croft, do not count.)
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### Author:  [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/16 "2000-04-21T04:37:00Z")
I gotta agree, a dragon would kick ass. A little one like Kitty Pryde had in marvel comics (capitalization intentionally omitted since stan lee became a bitch in his old age.)
A few other things:
A speeder bike from Return of the Jedi. That would kick so much ass, “Hey look at me, my 2000 CBR929RR does 0-60 in 2.9 seconds!”
Is that all? My Imperial speeder bike does 0-460-0 in 6.5 seconds. Gotta respect inertial dampers and ion engines.
An atomic lance from Harry Harrison’s Stainless Steel Rat series. This little tool that is the size of a pen knife will slice through almost anything, on a molecular level by relaxing covalent bonds very precisely. How handy.
Some dead-boy body armor from the RPG _Rifts_. Thanks to the boon of nano-technology, this armor consists of one gigantic molecule, comprised of many atoms of a super-light, super strong crystalline substance. Usually carbonized to make it black and scary. Comnined with lots of other cool things, which would in effect make one invulnerable.
A mutant healing factor like Wolverine.
A bath that would permanantly and painlessy remove all body hair and the follicles left over, with a cream that would counteract it’s effects, so one could choose how much hair one has where.
Springy shoes, like the ones on the “alive” video by the beastie boys.
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_You listened to me? Haven’t I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don’t know shit?_
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### Author:  [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/17 "2000-04-21T06:45:00Z")
Lexicon, The nigh indestructable single-molecule object was done by Larry Niven years before rifts…were called General Dynamics hulls. 🙂
Personally, I want a direct neural linkup so I can br in true VR, and cybercytes so I can adjust my phyisiology as needed, amongst other things.
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\>\>Nomex underwear is optional for dragons. \<\<
—The dragon observes
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### Author:  [@chief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chief)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/18 "2000-04-21T08:43:00Z")
a time machine , so i can travel backwards and catch things ive missed
and go into the future…
that would be fun!!
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Check out my site:
[Chief’s Domain](http://qfg.tierranet.com)
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### Author:  [@Boogarrheal\_Catastrophe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogarrheal_Catastrophe)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/19 "2000-04-21T09:46:00Z")
Reality.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2000, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-want-but-dont-exist/16244/20 "2000-04-21T11:56:00Z")
An idiot detector that goes off **before** you waste valuable time and brain cells.
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