# Things you wish you could say to your friends and or loved ones **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476 "2005-11-30T23:55:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/21 "2005-12-01T19:38:36Z")
> [@velveeta](#): > > I don’t see how your mother can possibly fit up there on that cross too. Mine has been securely nailed to it for decades. > > 😃 Apparently it’s a damn big cross. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/22 "2005-12-01T20:46:49Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > Mrs. Montoya, grow the fuck up or just leave, already. And take your “woe is me” bullshit with you. I’m sick of jumping when you push my pity-button and getting nothing but grief in return. Dear Anonymous Message-Board Poster, Everytime I hear that you’re still with your wife, I wonder why in the world you haven’t left or kicked her out. Dear Roommate, Wash your damn hair already. Dear Brother, Stop helping people in Africa! We used to be so close, but now we go months without being able to talk on the phone or e-mail each other. I miss you. ☹ Dear Ex-Boyfriend, Oh, wait, I already tried to kiss you last weekend after I got all drunk. Nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/23 "2005-12-01T21:00:37Z")
Cheaper to keep her. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/24 "2005-12-01T21:41:35Z")
Honey, I love you very much. Now shut up for a while. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![NailBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NailBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NailBunny)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/25 "2005-12-01T22:09:38Z")
Dear Best Friend, Please quit stripping, stop using that artificial tanner, stop seeing that older man with another girlfriend, stop doing speed, and move here, because we need each other, obviously. We get into a lot of trouble together, but I’m starting to think we get into a lot more apart. All my love, NB ---
**Author:** ![EmeraldGrue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dc4da7/32.png) [@EmeraldGrue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmeraldGrue)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/26 "2005-12-01T22:25:06Z")
Dear Friends, I am very happy for all of you, but I think you’re making big commitments for bad reasons. “Because I’m fat and ugly and no one else will ever love me” is not a good reason. Nor is "Because I prayed to God and He gave me this perfect soulmate _oh god the throbbing hormones the urge for release if I don’t tear off his clothes and fuck him right now I’m gonna **explode** oh if only my religion permitted thinking about sex let alone masturbation."_ For pete’s sake stop getting engaged. It’s not a race. sincerely, me. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/27 "2005-12-01T23:05:18Z")
Dear X. There are days I wish you weren’t married. I want to bring you hapiness in social, mental, emotional, and physical ways. More than you will ever know. But there are days I’m just as glad you are married. He’s better for you than I could be. And I miss you. ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/28 "2005-12-01T23:13:16Z")
I’ve always wanted to say this to my mom. So I did, a couple of weeks ago: “No wonder Daddy drinks. I’d drink too, if I were married to you.” Can’t regret it; I said it. But I can try not to say anymore stuff like that to her, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/29 "2005-12-02T01:07:37Z")
Dear Mother: I wish I had told you how much your friendship meant to me before you died. Dear Father: I wish I had told you to go to hell when I was eighteen years old instead of spending a lifetime trying to win the approval of a man who hated the entire world and never approved of anything. Dear Sister: Drop out of the damned Republican party before your soul congeals. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/30 "2005-12-02T01:18:49Z")
As noted in my MPSIMS thread, I already said the things I wish I could say, unbeknownst to me, and with highly negative results. **Lobsang** , here’s what I wish you would say to your friend and or loved one: Q: Are you going to the gym this weekend? A: No. Want to hang out/see a movie/have dinner/go to the park/come to my place for a drink? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/31 "2005-12-02T02:12:48Z")
Dear Uncle and cousins, You are racist fuckwits. Shut the hell up already. Dear Grandma, None of your goddamned business. Quit being so damned nosy and realize the reason no one ever tells you anything is because you then go blabbing to everyone in the tri-state area. ---
**Author:** ![BabaBooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@BabaBooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BabaBooey)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/32 "2005-12-02T03:13:59Z")
Dear Roomie: I really really really want to bang your girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/33 "2005-12-02T05:21:54Z")
Dearest Girlfriend, You know I love you dearly. But you snore like a werewolf with a head cold. Snarling, growling and horking…it’s a bad scene. Please, for the love of all that is good and decent, get some Breathe Right strips. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/34 "2005-12-02T05:58:25Z")
I can’t be the only one to feel quite sad about all the unhappy tales and sentiments in this thread. Surely with true friends and people you truly love you should be able to say anything at all to them, no matter what. At least, that’s my experience, and I’m sorry to hear that it’s clearly not the case for many others. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/35 "2005-12-02T05:59:39Z")
“Look, you do not need to MSN me ten times in a row if you don’t get a response. Odds are good I’m not here. You know that. Odds are also pretty good that I am actually ignoring you because I’m busy, or I just don’t feel like talking to you. And then when you keep messaging me it annoys me so I’m even less likely that I’ll want to talk to you, not to mention you’re making it harder for me to concentrate on the work I may or may not be working on at the moment. And stop with the G.D. nudges already!” What I actually said was “If I don’t respond the first time, I probably won’t the tenth.” Which I finally got up the nerve to tell her this afternoon. “You’re the _vice-president_ of the Anime Club. Would it kill you to show up for meetings once in a while?” “Mom, if I say I’m busy, it’s me trying to tactfully tell you that I want you to hang up right now. This goes double if I say that I’m in the middle of watching Fahrenheit 9/11.” “Stop sending my invites for WAYN or SMS or whatever the heck it is this week. You haven’t talked to me since high school, and barely talked to me then, why do you think I’d be interested?” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/36 "2005-12-02T15:16:00Z")
Dear Fundamentalist millionaire sister. I’m gay. Also an atheist. Please pass the collards. Mama- I love you, but I really don’t give a good &$#% about your bowel movements. Also, say the word fag or nigger one more time when you’re not making a direct quote or under court order to say fag or nigger and I’m going to juggle your Gone With the Wind “collector” plates while swilling Evan Williams cheapest label. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/37 "2005-12-02T15:22:38Z")
**HypnoToad** , you know my cousin? ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/38 "2005-12-02T16:33:59Z")
> [@Dead Cat](#): > > I can’t be the only one to feel quite sad about all the unhappy tales and sentiments in this thread. Surely with true friends and people you truly love you should be able to say anything at all to them, no matter what. At least, that’s my experience, and I’m sorry to hear that it’s clearly not the case for many others. Dear **Dead Cat** , I wish you’d understand that at least sometimes, some people try to maintain a state of mind best summed up by this Zen aphorism: “Say only the truth at all times.” “But what if the truth is hurtful or causes pain?” “Then it’s not truth.” In other words, sometimes what you want to say and what the best thing for you to say to a friend/relative/whatever at this time are two wildly divergent things. Also, Dear many of my loved ones I love you and I appreciate you. I do not appreciate the not-you that you become when you stop taking your meds because you believe you can handle it. While I don’t express this often, because it’s often the worst way to get you back ON your meds, it’s true. So stop self-adjusting your damn dosages and take your damn whateveritis. Even better, find a damn shrink in the first place, because I am not one. I am a programmer/sysadmin. I cannot fix your depression, and there are a limited number of your pointless, baseless rages I will put up with–and I put up with those on the basis of our long friendships when you are healthy and sane. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/39 "2005-12-02T18:01:53Z")
I forgive you. I’m sorry. That should cover a lot of bases. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476/40 "2005-12-02T18:13:40Z")
Cousin: I love you, BUT STOP FORWARDING ME EVERY DAMNED PIECE OF RIGHT WING NUTCASE E-MAIL YOU GET (most of which is either totally wrong or attributed to George Carlin or somebody else who didn’t write it and all of which is snopesable). ## Actually I sent this one, it just didn’t do any good. I was recently asked by a “Professionally Concerned Person (PCP)” “Do you ever talk to your father?” I responded with “My father’s been dead for 24 years” and a “You don’t listen too good, do you?” look. PCP: Yes, I know, but do you ever talk to him? [confused silence] [long look to confirm I understood the question correctly] me: No. PCP: Well if he were in this room now, what would you say to him? [pause] me: Damn that white moldy stuff all over you is gross. And you may not realize it but that suit has no back. And you’re wearing make-up. No offense, but could you stand over there downwind a little… I thought it an odd question. I don’t think PCP saw the humor in my response, but then I didn’t see the point in the question. (Yes, I’ve got unresolved issues with the man, but I accepted many years ago they’re just going to stay unresolved and generally wrote them off.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-to-your-friends-and-or-loved-ones/333476.md?page=3)