Things you wish you had never learned

[Ice_Cream_Man]

@ArrMatey!

Something refered to by my screenwriting teacher as ‘Third appearance law’, when dealing with seemingly innocuous minor characters in films. It has variants in anime (‘third power-use law’) and action films (‘third (or fourth) nazi law’), but the basic root of it all has spoiled many a mystery movie for me.

So what is the law exactly?

[Freudian_Slit]

@Ice Cream Man

I wish I had never learned that your tongue rests on the roof of your mouth. I might have learned that here. I can’t remember.

Muahahaha!

Mine doesn’t. At least, I don’t think. Why is that disturbing?

[Ice_Cream_Man]

@Freudian Slit

Mine doesn’t. At least, I don’t think. Why is that disturbing?

Not disturbing, but whenever I remember it I can’t stop thinking about my tongue and then I can’t just let it rest normally… kind of like thinking about your breathing.

[Zsofia]

@BaneSidhe

I wish I’d never learned how to change the toner in the 2 printers we have in my section of the office, including the very cranky color printer. Or how to change the toner and troubleshoot misfed paper in the copy machine either.

I worked in a real estate office the summer after my freshman year of college. After I graduated, they were still calling me when the power went out and the fax machine lost all its presets.

[Cat_Fight]

Rotten.com and most of its contents.

[SlowMindThinking]

The existence of Candiru

wikipedia

The Master

[ArrMatey]

@Ice Cream Man

So what is the law exactly?

The third appearance law happens in most lazilly-written mysteries for the screen. To wit: If you see a supposedly ‘minor’ character twice, it means that the third time they appear, they will either be killed or be the murderer, usually the latter. The week I learned this, I watched The Bone Collector and nailed the murderer on that alone.

The variants:
Anime- The third time a major power is used by the main character, it will fail, almost always because the target of the power is somehow resistant / more powerful than it. (Nailed some vampire-anime with this last week. “The scythe isn’t going to work this time.” “How do you know?” pause “Wow… How -did- you know?”)

Adventure- (The ‘third or fourth nazi’ law). The protagonist will, in a chase, be able to take out the first two persuers easilly, but will be stopped by the third or fourth nobody, blossoming into a full-scale fight between said chaser and said protagonist.

[Celyn]

I’m glad you posted that, ArrMatey!, because I returned to this thread purely to ask. I have no idea why I cared but just couldn’t stop wondering

What I hate learning is about stuff that I like but is VERY Bad in terms of environmental effects, exploitation of workers or whatever. Coffee, chocolate … well, most things really.

[gaffa]

@BaneSidhe

I wish I’d never learned how to change the toner in the 2 printers we have in my section of the office, including the very cranky color printer. Or how to change the toner and troubleshoot misfed paper in the copy machine either.

One of my personal mottoes is “Competence is it’s own punishment”. The incompetent are competence consumers. If you display competence, the incompetent will attach themselves to you like leeches.

[AngryIrishLass]

The process the human body goes through when burned in a fire. I could have done without the pictures too.

Chemical burns don’t seem to bother me as much.

[panache45]

@GuanoLad

There’s nothing wrong with kerning, folks.

It’s a little irritating to see bad graphic design, aka “look what button I found in Photoshop”, but seeing poor kerning is not a big deal.

Next time you’re driving, get into a turning lane and look at what’s painted on the pavement: an arrow, and:

ONL Y

If you’ve done as much kerning as I have, there will be times when reading will no longer be a pleasure.

[panache45]

@nikenik2069

I wish I could delete the memory from my mind the image of the 60 year old woman I work with talking about all she needs is a man in cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. Eww. Then another woman the same age and her were both having a discussion on their preferences. I think my ears started to bleed.

What’s your point? Do you find it disgusting that a 60-year-old can have a healthy sexuality? “Eww,” right back atcha.

[Sampiro]

I could have lived without learning that fecal matter is on most toothbrushes (albeit a microscopic amount of the sort we probably pick up every time we use a public restroom).

Or that- don’t know why this freaked me out but it did- the patients (14 to date) who’ve had Abiocor Artificial Hearts implanted don’t have heart beats, just a whirring. And of course their blood continues circulating after they’re dead. Ewww, for some reason (though certainly it’s better than much quicker death from heart failure).

[jjimm]

@Cicero

Obudar Obudar-Sur-Glane

It’s Oradour sur Glane, and I was there two weeks ago. Very powerful. Very disturbing. Very moving.

Me - I could happily live my life without having learned of the existence of fecal vomiting.

[Nava]

@Raguleader

The fact that a rabbit screams when you beat it to death (which I learned from a friend of mine who went through aircrew survival training with the Air Force) :eek:

Sheesh, and why would anybody beat a rabbit to death? I can see having to do something nasty to catch it, but once it’s caught it’s easy to break their neck.

That discrimination by reason of gender in the workplace (which I’d grown up being told didn’t exist any more) is alive and well. It’s not always as blatant as it used to but yeah it’s there. Same for other kinds, but that’s the one that slapped me during an interview for a college summer job.

[Ludovic]

@panache45

Next time you’re driving, get into a turning lane and look at what’s painted on the pavement: an arrow, and:

ONL Y

If you’ve done as much kerning as I have, there will be times when reading will no longer be a pleasure.

I think I’ve noticed that too, but what’s more annoying is when there are multiple words spaces rather close together that read something like:

ONLY
TURN
I-95
LANE
THIS

Obviously meant to be read one at a time, bottom to top, but close enough together to read top to bottom.

[Siege]

Many years ago I was told that because I was doing professional/managerial work, the Department of Labor couldn’t help me when an employer refused to pay me for 30 hours of programming work. I left the state not long afterwards, and I never did get the money I was owed.

Several months ago, I learned what it’s like to watch the home of someone you love go up in flames and what the aftermath is like.

On a lighter note, I’ve also learned that some people actually do care about the amount of space between lines of text and will not believe you if you tell them the spacing is even until you actually prove it to them and possibly not even then. :rolleyes:

[CalMeacham]

Mark Twain wrote a famous passage about this in Chapter 9 of Life on the Mississippi. I hope I don’t get in trouble for this, but it’s worth quoting in full:

Now when I had mastered the language of this water and had come to know
every trifling feature that bordered the great river as familiarly as I
knew the letters of the alphabet, I had made a valuable acquisition.
But I had lost something, too. I had lost something which could never
be restored to me while I lived. All the grace, the beauty, the poetry
had gone out of the majestic river! I still keep in mind a certain
wonderful sunset which I witnessed when steamboating was new to me.
A broad expanse of the river was turned to blood; in the middle distance
the red hue brightened into gold, through which a solitary log came floating,
black and conspicuous; in one place a long, slanting mark lay sparkling upon
the water; in another the surface was broken by boiling, tumbling rings,
that were as many-tinted as an opal; where the ruddy flush was faintest,
was a smooth spot that was covered with graceful circles and radiating lines,
ever so delicately traced; the shore on our left was densely wooded,
and the somber shadow that fell from this forest was broken in one place
by a long, ruffled trail that shone like silver; and high above the forest
wall a clean-stemmed dead tree waved a single leafy bough that glowed
like a flame in the unobstructed splendor that was flowing from the sun.
There were graceful curves, reflected images, woody heights, soft distances;
and over the whole scene, far and near, the dissolving lights drifted
steadily, enriching it, every passing moment, with new marvels of coloring.

I stood like one bewitched. I drank it in, in a speechless rapture.
The world was new to me, and I had never seen anything like this at home.
But as I have said, a day came when I began to cease from noting the glories
and the charms which the moon and the sun and the twilight wrought upon
the river’s face; another day came when I ceased altogether to note them.
Then, if that sunset scene had been repeated, I should have looked upon
it without rapture, and should have commented upon it, inwardly, after
this fashion: This sun means that we are going to have wind to-morrow;
that floating log means that the river is rising, small thanks to it;
that slanting mark on the water refers to a bluff reef which is going
to kill somebody’s steamboat one of these nights, if it keeps on stretching
out like that; those tumbling ‘boils’ show a dissolving bar and a changing
channel there; the lines and circles in the slick water over yonder
are a warning that that troublesome place is shoaling up dangerously;
that silver streak in the shadow of the forest is the ‘break’ from a new snag,
and he has located himself in the very best place he could have found
to fish for steamboats; that tall dead tree, with a single living branch,
is not going to last long, and then how is a body ever going to get through
this blind place at night without the friendly old landmark.

No, the romance and the beauty were all gone from the river.
All the value any feature of it had for me now was the amount
of usefulness it could furnish toward compassing the safe piloting
of a steamboat. Since those days, I have pitied doctors from my heart.
What does the lovely flush in a beauty’s cheek mean to a doctor
but a ‘break’ that ripples above some deadly disease.
Are not all her visible charms sown thick with what are to him
the signs and symbols of hidden decay? Does he ever see her
beauty at all, or doesn’t he simply view her professionally,
and comment upon her unwholesome condition all to himself?
And doesn’t he sometimes wonder whether he has gained most or lost
most by learning his trade?

From this site, although there are plenty of others:

Life On The Mississippi - Chapter 9 by Mark Twain

[Rocketeer]

@CalMeacham

Mark Twain wrote a famous passage about this in Chapter 9 of Life on the Mississippi. I hope I don’t get in trouble for this, but it’s worth quoting in full:

From this site, although there are plenty of others:

Life On The Mississippi - Chapter 9 by Mark Twain

Strange how it reads like blank verse…

[CalMeacham]

Strange how it reads like blank verse…

It’s the way the page setup prints it on this webpage. In the copy I have at home, there’s no suggestion of that. I have a couple of audio recordings of this, as well, and I can’t say that either feels like blank verse.

It is gorgeous writing, though, which is one of the reasons I had to quote it in full.