# Things You Would Buy If They Sold Them **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 15, 2000, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431 "2000-08-15T14:31:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SaxFace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SaxFace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaxFace)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/21 "2000-08-15T20:10:59Z")
This sounds really awful, but I’d like a personal slave. Slavery is illegal, of course and rightly so, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like someone to do my laundry, clean my room, go shopping for clothes and food for me, etc. I’d be a very kind and compassionate slave owner, too. In essence, I’d like someone to do all of my dirty work for free. Please note: i am just lazy - I do not want to hold another human being in bondage. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/22 "2000-08-15T20:29:36Z")
You can buy pans to make “muffin tops.” They look like regular muffin tins, but with shallow cups. Try a fancy cooking supply store like Williams Sonoma. ---
**Author:** ![Lucky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Lucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/23 "2000-08-15T20:36:53Z")
Not to encourage anything revolutionary, SaxFace, but you could, uh, _hire_ someone to work for you. ---
**Author:** ![troub](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troub/32/14802_2.png) [@troub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troub)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/24 "2000-08-15T20:47:59Z")
Why would anyone want just the muffin tops? That’s the worst damn part! I like the soft underbelly myself 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/25 "2000-08-15T20:55:11Z")
Yeah, but the ICED part of the cupcake…would that count as a muffin top? You could always get a DROID for a slave…they wouldn’t know the difference, and you wouldn’t feel bad. ---
**Author:** ![SaxFace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SaxFace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaxFace)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/26 "2000-08-15T20:58:50Z")
Lucky, yeah, I realized later that slaves might not be too ecomonical with the burden of clothing, feeding and housing another person. Plus there’s the initial cost. But I maintain that the work would be free - that’s the key point. ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/27 "2000-08-15T21:08:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SaxFace \* > \*\*Lucky, yeah, I realized later that slaves might not be too ecomonical with the burden of clothing, feeding and housing another person. Plus there’s the initial cost. But I maintain that the work would be free - that’s the key point. \*\* Just get married! It worked for my wife. ::rimshot:: G’night folks! Drive safely. Don’t forget to tip your waitress. ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/28 "2000-08-15T21:13:49Z")
Meg Ryan (Rowr!) ---
**Author:** ![Myndephuquer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@Myndephuquer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myndephuquer)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/29 "2000-08-15T21:16:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SaxFace \* > \*\*…with the burden of clothing, feeding and housing another person… \*\* Just get a, uh, servant the same size as you, and make him wear your hand-me-downs, and make him sleep in the bed with you. (Maybe you should get a female servant. A female would probably look good wearing your old clothes, and it wouldn’t be as uncomfortable in bed, unless your wife catches an attitude.) You could make her go hunt for her own food. You’d probably need to move close to a forest, or a zoo. ---
**Author:** ![SaxFace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SaxFace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaxFace)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/30 "2000-08-15T21:24:37Z")
Myndephuquer, I’m a lady, thankyouverymuch. Denbo, that’s a good point, but I’d have to find a man who is a neat freak and not lazy or whiney snf that’s a hard thing to do. Although the cash and prizes from a wedding sounds like a good investment. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/31 "2000-08-15T21:32:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 2nd Law \* > > I’d like dry ice cubes. Put them in your drink, doesn’t water it down as they melt, and you’d get that cool smoking/fog effect. They have those. I’ve gotten 'em at old fashioned Soda fountains. I don’t think they’re cubes so much as just dry ice that they put in a thingy that looked like a large tea ball (you know, those metal things that you put loose tea in) and put in the bottom of a soda glass. They’d then fill the soda glass with funky colored soda (blue & greens come to mind) and the dry ice would create that fog stuff. Only problem is that dry ice melts pretty fast. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/32 "2000-08-15T21:46:25Z")
I wish they sold a pill that made sugar taste horrible. My sweet tooth is my downfall… ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/33 "2000-08-15T22:29:17Z")
PunditLisa– Here’s something that might work–stevia. It’s sold in health food stores as an herbal alternative to artificial sweeteners. It tastes sweet at first, but less than a second later you’re ready to gag. If you put a big spoonful of it in your mouth and let it sit there for about 3 seconds, you won’t want to eat anything sweet for about 2 days. (This was my experience, anyway.) ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/34 "2000-08-15T22:50:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diane \* > \*\*So here I am finishing a bag of popcorn when I think, “Hey, these half popped kernals (Old Maids) are the best part.” Too bad you can’t buy an entire bag of them without the fully popped corn. > > \*\* They are being sold as Pop-Nots here. I used to be able to get them from the vending machine at work, but, no longer as they were not popular enough. I haven’t seen them for a month or so. ---
**Author:** ![Lawmill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lawmill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lawmill)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/35 "2000-08-15T23:20:06Z")
I’d like something that could cool down a soda in just a few seconds. No more coolers, no more glasses with ice, just a nice, cold drink. Conceivably, some of the thermal energy drawn from the can could create steam, which would power a turbine that generated electricity, improving the device’s efficiency. I think that a hoverboard, ala Back to the Future II, would be really cool too. ---
**Author:** ![Fillet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/2acd7d/32.png) [@Fillet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fillet)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/36 "2000-08-15T23:58:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Oh, and the burnt pieces of cheese on the edge of a pizza. In a pinch, you can take some grated cheese, sprinkle it thinly over a plate and microwave on high for about 45 seconds (discovered this while making nachos one evening). I wish they’d bring back chocolate Charleston Chews… ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/37 "2000-08-16T00:29:52Z")
I would buy bags of folded potato chips. I love it when the two edges get stuck together, mmmmm. I’ll also take an Ewan MacGregor to go. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/38 "2000-08-16T01:08:14Z")
Fat-free, sugar-free, nutritious chocolate that tastes like chocolate. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/39 "2000-08-16T01:32:54Z")
I would buy Alyson Hannigan. er… no… bad andygirl. If any of you have read Neil Gaiman’s “The Sandman” series, you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say that I want to buy that library. Also, I’d like to buy a gay/lesbian movie that has all of the following: 1. plot 2. excellent writing 3. characters that are believeable 4. happiness of characters Near as I can tell, no such creature exists so far. andygirl ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431/40 "2000-08-16T02:17:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > If any of you have read Neil Gaiman’s “The Sandman” series, you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say that I want to buy that library. Ooh, good one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-buy-if-they-sold-them/29431.md?page=3)