# Things you would never admit to inventing, if you had. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985 "2011-08-08T20:12:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/41 "2011-08-09T23:07:31Z")
[GoDog buns](http://www.quakerbakery.com/godogbuns.html) and the use instructions. The use instructions are pornographic. My God they even use the spelling catsup. How bad is that? > [@](#): > > Q: Who is the genius that thought of this? > A: While we appreciate the compliment, we’d prefer you just buy em! You really have to look at this. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/42 "2011-08-10T03:16:29Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > Damn you!! Would I get in a lot of trouble if I said I like Comic Sans? Because if the answer is “yes”, then no, I don’t. ---
**Author:** ![antonio107](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ea924/32.png) [@antonio107](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antonio107)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/43 "2011-08-10T03:34:09Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Reminds me of the “Frasier” episode where it’s revealed that the family of Niles’ wife Maris made their fortune in urinal cakes, even though they told everyone their money was made from timber. Hahaha, that’s EXACTLY what I was thinking of as I typed that out! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/44 "2011-08-10T03:42:15Z")
Pay Toilets locks. Ooops, my Great-Grandfather Uncle did exactly that back in the early 1900’s. Its how my grandfather made his living. Collecting the money from bus/train stations in the 1920’s and 1930’s. ---
**Author:** ![Meggroll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Meggroll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meggroll)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/45 "2011-08-10T03:51:25Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Would I get in a lot of trouble if I said I like Comic Sans? > Because if the answer is “yes”, then no, I don’t. Seeing Comic Sans always reminds me of this awesome comic [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07052007](http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07052007) This is only the second time I’ve linked something! Baby steps, Meg, baby steps ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/46 "2011-08-10T04:22:54Z")
radar gun anything on-a-stick Kraft Singles Jesus MIDI files ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/47 "2011-08-10T04:54:30Z")
The leaf blower. ---
**Author:** ![AnalogSignal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/analogsignal/32/1085_2.png) [@AnalogSignal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnalogSignal)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/48 "2011-08-10T04:58:57Z")
Telemarketing ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/49 "2011-08-10T07:23:43Z")
Telemarketing. Bug fart mufflers for asian import cars. Karma bells. Segway. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/50 "2011-08-10T07:25:14Z")
> [@Kevbo](#): > > . > Segway. If people found out I had invented that thing, I’d drive myself off a cliff! ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/51 "2011-08-10T08:18:57Z")
Does anyone remember this ad? [It’s Mr. Microphone!! (hey good lookin’, we’ll be back to pick you up later!)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYEXBTlWf_4) ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/52 "2011-08-10T08:38:28Z")
Or from the same era, it’s [dolls manufactured in the likeness of the band KISS! (each figure sold separately)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipCGGkfXing&NR=1) or for the truly die hard fan, there’s always the [KISS Your Face makeup kit!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67-cCKN1838&feature=related) ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/53 "2011-08-10T11:42:00Z")
The KISS ads are over the top funny, but since not truly inventions, I would humbly attempt to redeem myself with [Happy Fun Ball](http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/happy-fun-ball/229058/). But since being informed recently that this product doesn’t actually exist (who knew?), I am proud to not have invented a knife that cuts through shoes, tin cans, and can still cut tomatoes with ease, [The Ginsu Knife](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abLB7aTmnE4), yet another quality and long lasting product by Ronco. So there you go. A triple post, only to submit a stupid ginsu knife ad. (it hasn’t exactly been a very productive day so far. :o) ---
**Author:** ![Pitchmeister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pitchmeister/32/3459_2.png) [@Pitchmeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pitchmeister)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/54 "2011-08-10T11:49:08Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > MIDI files What’s wrong with MIDI? ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/55 "2011-08-10T12:49:05Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > The KISS ads are over the top funny, but since not truly inventions, I would humbly attempt to redeem myself with [Happy Fun Ball](http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/happy-fun-ball/229058/). > But since being informed recently that this product doesn’t actually exist (who knew?), I am proud to not have invented a knife that cuts through shoes, tin cans, and can still cut tomatoes with ease, [The Ginsu Knife](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abLB7aTmnE4), yet another quality and long lasting product by Ronco. > > So there you go. A triple post, only to submit a stupid ginsu knife ad. (it hasn’t exactly been a very productive day so far. :o) But why would you be ashamed of inventing any of those items? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/56 "2011-08-10T12:52:16Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Ｔｈｅ　ｐａｎｉｃ　ｂｕｔｔｏｎ　ｔｈａｔ　ｓｗｉｔｃｈｅｓ　ｙｏｕ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｇａｙ　ｐｏｒｎ　ｔｏ　ｒｅｇｕｌａｒ　ｐｏｒｎ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｏｓｓ　ｗａｌｋｓ　ｂｙ． The guy who invented using using high level fonts to mimic a larger font size, making sure people without Asian fonts on their computer can’t read them. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/57 "2011-08-11T00:39:24Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > The KISS ads are over the top funny, but since not truly inventions, I would humbly attempt to redeem myself with [Happy Fun Ball](http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/happy-fun-ball/229058/). > But since being informed recently that this product doesn’t actually exist (who knew?), I am proud to not have invented a knife that cuts through shoes, tin cans, and can still cut tomatoes with ease, [The Ginsu Knife](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abLB7aTmnE4), yet another quality and long lasting product by Ronco. > > So there you go. A triple post, only to submit a stupid ginsu knife ad. (it hasn’t exactly been a very productive day so far. :o) > [@Koxinga](#): > > But why would you be ashamed of inventing any of those items? Well, the cornball **The Mr. Microphone** , was another beyond lame but very successful money maker by Ron Popeil, founder of Ronco. But like most of his products, didn’t work so well in actuality as they appeared to in Ron’s cleverly displayed, ingenious and hilarious ads. **KISS fan paraphernalia** , like Mr. Microphone, was lucrative but extremely over the top lame/corny. It’s hard to top that stuff for lame, see the ads for yourself. 🙂 **The Happy Funball** , another hilarious ad, but if you see the ad, you can see it might not be the best product to be marketing to the public - even if product actually existed - and in the real world, would lead to multi-million dollar lawsuits resulting in the garnishment of my wages for the rest of my life. **Ginsu Knives** , a total gimmick, they didn’t really stay that sharp, relied on rough serrated edges that even when slightly dull, like from cutting up all the budweiser cans at the drunken party the night before, or your mother in law’s shoes, would still tear through tomatoes. They also were quite handy if you had any extra pvc pipe laying around you’d like to have hacked up. heh, a side story about the ginsu’s - A friend of mine, whose a pretty smart guy, seeing the ad for Ginsu Knives late one evening, mumbled to his wife that he should get some of those. He promptly forgot about the whole thing. Several months later it was now Christmas time, the family video camera rolling as he opened one of his presents. Wrapper came off, revealing gag gift, a victim of the genuine Ronco Ginsu Knife set. Everyone laughed. My friend though not so much. And all those products have one thing in common - the ads are hysterically funny, and some so funny that the products, along with touting ads, have become part of many jokes, even years after some were discontinued. Some have even become pop culture icons. But none of them I would be proud to admit inventing. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/58 "2011-08-11T00:54:37Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The guy who invented using using high level fonts to mimic a larger font size, making sure people without Asian fonts on their computer can’t read them. 😕 Does my post appear unintelligible? I had no idea. Thanks for letting me know! ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/59 "2011-08-11T01:32:09Z")
I can read it, it’s a different font but makes sense to me. It says "Ｔｈｅ　ｐａｎｉｃ　ｂｕｔｔｏｎ　ｔｈａｔ　ｓｗｉｔｃｈｅｓ　ｙｏｕ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｇａｙ　ｐｏｒｎ　ｔｏ　ｒｅｇｕｌａｒ　ｐｏｒｎ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｏｓｓ　ｗａｌｋｓ　ｂｙ’’. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/60 "2011-08-11T01:50:33Z")
Skin-tone running shorts. I don’t believe such a thing exists. I came up with it as a joke on my morning radio show. Quasi [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985.md?page=4)