# Things you would never admit to inventing, if you had. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985 "2011-08-08T20:12:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/61 "2011-08-11T21:36:27Z")
Molasses Chews. I saw some yesterday. ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine_and_Smiles)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/62 "2011-08-12T04:49:09Z")
The “Screamer” webpage, which tells you to look _very_ closely and then goes **AAAHHHHH** The French Tickler device sold at many a gas station or rest stop bathroom. The Fart Machine. I’d take the money for these inventions, but not the credit. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/63 "2011-08-12T07:34:32Z")
Merkins. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/64 "2011-08-12T22:24:25Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > Does anyone remember this ad? [It’s Mr. Microphone!! (hey good lookin’, we’ll be back to pick you up later!)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYEXBTlWf_4) Oh holy hell, that is an amazing ad. I never realized that Simpson’s episode where Bart gets this as a gift was based on reality. **The Pet Rock**. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/65 "2011-08-13T00:12:47Z")
Gerbil stuffing The Chia Pet Competitive synchronized swimming Trickle down economics The Berlin Wall Those little castles in the bottom of aquariums. Collectible sets of… anything. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/66 "2011-08-13T00:13:49Z")
> [@neuroman](#): > > Oh holy hell, that is an amazing ad. I never realized that Simpson’s episode where Bart gets this as a gift was based on reality. > … Kids these days… GET OFF MY LAWN!! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/67 "2011-08-13T00:14:49Z")
Oh yeah, the phrase, “Get off my lawn!” ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/68 "2011-08-13T00:49:48Z")
See through shoes that have gold fish in the heels. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/69 "2011-08-13T01:21:28Z")
Vuvuzela, fleshlight. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/70 "2011-08-13T01:23:00Z")
I invented [this.](http://www.scificool.com/images/2007/12/force.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/71 "2011-08-13T01:27:40Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > See through shoes that have gold fish in the heels. I’m going to invent tiny shoes that clip onto fish fins and have even tinier people in their heels. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/72 "2011-08-13T01:34:42Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I invented [this.](http://www.scificool.com/images/2007/12/force.jpg) You invented the Internet error page? I’m surprised that you own up to that. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/73 "2011-08-13T02:47:08Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > You invented the Internet error page? I’m surprised that you own up to that. All me! Most people get a pic, but for you, and only for you, 404 all the way. [Here’s another invention.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUxlCqSjH2A&feature=related) A creative engine of destruction am I! Bow before me! ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/74 "2011-08-13T03:01:01Z")
The 1920s-style death ray. The 1920s-style death ray. The 1920s-style death ray. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/75 "2011-08-16T13:53:03Z")
I would not like to admit having invented a certain canned precooked Mystery Misery Meat product made by the Hormel Foods Corporation. The labeled ingredients of which are chopped pork shoulder meat, with ham meat added, salt, water, modified potato starch as a binder, and sodium nitrite as a preservative and is coated with simulated delicious gelatinous glaze, or aspic, which forms from the cooling of mystery meat stock. (yum yum) This product has become part of many jokes and urban legends about mystery meat, which has made it part of pop culture and urban folklore. Varieties and flavors include Classic Mystery Meat, Hot & Spicy, Less Sodium, Lite, Oven Roasted Turkey, Hickory Smoked Mystery Meat, a variety containing “real” Hormel Bacon, Mystery Meat with Cheese, Mystery Meat with Black Pepper, Garlic, and Spread. Availability of these varieties varies regionally. This product I am proud to not have invented that is sold in North America, South America, and Australia is produced in Austin, Minnesota, (also known as Mystery Meat Town USA) and in Fremont, Nebraska. Denmark (by Tulip under license from Hormel) is responsible and therefore should be held accountable for the UK Mystery Meat market. In 2007, the seven billionth can of Mystery Meat was sold. According to Hormel Foods, an average of 3.8 cans of Mystery Meat are consumed every second in the United States. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/76 "2011-08-16T13:59:25Z")
I hear it’s quite popular in Polynesia for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/77 "2011-08-16T23:17:04Z")
Well, somebody’s proud of it. [http://www.spam.com/Shop/ProductList.aspx?Category={3A2052BF-8955-4217-9FEB-B6C719E051A8}](http://www.spam.com/Shop/ProductList.aspx?Category=%7B3A2052BF-8955-4217-9FEB-B6C719E051A8%7D) ---
**Author:** ![Wotdazog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Wotdazog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wotdazog)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/78 "2011-08-17T11:21:24Z")
Chicken in a can. Cheese in a can. Non alcoholic beer. Actually pretty much anything in a can that isn’t consumed by pets. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/79 "2011-08-18T14:07:47Z")
Death ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985/80 "2011-08-19T02:48:47Z")
[QUOTE=Mr. Excellent, re: Thomas Midgley, inventor of leaded gasoline and CFCs] Least lucky guy ever. [/QUOTE] He also invented a medical mobility device which strangled him to death in his bed. Also, he continued to promote lead ethylate’s harmlessness after suffering several hospitalizations for lead poisoning, so I don’t think he gets to plead understandable ignorance. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-admit-to-inventing-if-you-had/591985.md?page=3)