# Things you would never hear Dopers say **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 1, 2000, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278 "2000-07-01T16:36:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/41 "2000-07-01T22:49:44Z")
Oooh me, me! šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/42 "2000-07-01T22:59:29Z")
**pepperlandgirl:** I would never get involved with anyone I met on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/43 "2000-07-01T23:05:29Z")
pepperlandgirl ā€“ Fuck the beatles. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/44 "2000-07-01T23:10:02Z")
Cute, Brian šŸ™‚ What, nothing from Cecil? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/45 "2000-07-01T23:12:16Z")
neuro-trash grrrl: Mr. C, Iā€™ve decided to go het for you. Satan: Mr. C, Iā€™ve decided to go gay for you. techchick68: Get the beer away from me, I want WATER! Ayesha: OK who wants to do me ? (wait a sec, strike that one.) Omniscient: You know, I havenā€™t the foggiest. Maybe you should ask someone else? Coldfire: Itā€™s SOCCER, and donā€™t you forget it! And for the record, American Football is the best sport in the world. Eutychus55: My nude calendar comes out next week, Iā€™m taking orders now. Drain Bead: A/S/L? ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/46 "2000-07-01T23:13:10Z")
Awwwww, thanks vanilla! I was starting to feel left out. Doctor Jackson: I guess I just donā€™t see how thatā€™s funny. aenea: Silo, I love you man! Alphagene: Cā€™mon, who wants a group hug? Shayna: Yā€™know, maybe if we were just a bit nicer to the trolls, theyā€™d stop. Falcon: God, I hate ChiefScott! UncleBeer: Wow! FreakFreely, Youā€™ve opened my eyes! We **do** need more welfare! Homer: Hmmm, on second thought, maybe I **shouldnā€™t** do that. troll13: Why am I doing this when I could do some useful? Chiefscott: I love you guys.šŸ™‚ Me: I donā€™t have anything to say about this. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/47 "2000-07-01T23:18:11Z")
Silo, Vandal, ROFLMAO. =) ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/48 "2000-07-01T23:28:58Z")
Great stuff! (And thanks, Milo!) **Ukelele Ike** : I secretly yearn to move to Oklahoma, get away from all this glitzy New Yawk crap, and eat chicken fried steak. **Southern Style** : The North was right, and these luscious belles down here are too high maintenance. **elelle** : Look, who gives a whoop about your dreary little issues? Scram, kid, youā€™re boring me. **UncleBeer** : Look, Hillary and Rosie are _right_! There is no good reason to own a gun! **Android** : Iā€™m staying for 2 reasons: American football and watery American beer! **Ayesha** : You!..you!..why, I just canā€™t _think_ of any way to describe how awful and icky you are! **BjOrn** : Writing clearly is the surest way to communicate. After all, itā€™s impossible to intuit real meanings, right? **Eve** : Great news, darlings! Iā€™m registered for an Outward Bound spelunking vacation! Veb ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/49 "2000-07-01T23:34:06Z")
**DavidB** : What, the **Bible** says that? Okay, Iā€™ll shut up then. **Gaudere** : You guys, I heard this story about gang initiations, so donā€™t ever flash your headlights at someone! **Satan** : Iā€™m sorry, you people are just too weird for me. Iā€™m going to go read _Chicken Soup for the Doperā€™s Soul_. **Ayesha** : Oh, you guys are so mean! Iā€™m going to throw a big hissy fit and leave, and then youā€™ll be sorry! **bjorn** : As good grammar, correct spelling, proper punctuation and a clear writing style are crucial to communicating effectively, I will make every effort to ensure that my writing conforms to the standards of the board. **ChiefScott** : Flirt? No, Iā€™m just not into that kind of thing. Well, maybe if Brithael showed up. **Krispy Original** : You know, I really prefer to have solid evidence to examine before coming to any conclusion about a controversial topic. **MarkSerlin** : I dig fat chicks. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/50 "2000-07-01T23:37:20Z")
> [@](#): > > aenea: Silo, I love you man! Damn you, FF. > [@](#): > > Silo - Iā€™m seriously considering seeing what celibacy has to offer ā€¦ COL! (Chuckling Out Loud) Hereā€™s some more: **aenea:** Anything I say on here Iā€™d never say to anyone IRL. **Omniscient:** My bumā€™s off limits. **handy:** I wish my post count was smaller. **Mr. Cynical:** Silo is the newest addition to my laminated list. **neuro-trash grrrl:** Silo, youā€™ve done it! youā€™ve convinced me to switch teams. **Coldfire:** Rush sucks! ---
**Author:** ![pricciar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@pricciar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pricciar)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/51 "2000-07-01T23:40:43Z")
**Silo** :Golly, I am glad I started that Michael Masterson persona. Its made me wildly popular at all the doper gatherings. **Satan** :Gee, I just wish my girlfriend were a little bit more blonde. **GaWd** :Man, I they wouldnā€™t play their radio so loud. I am trying to listen to my ā€œSounds of the Forestā€ CD. **Lexicon** :I donā€™t know that word. **Alphagene** :MPSIMS is like Peanut Butter and Honey. Yummy Yummy in my little tummy. **Seadiver** :Tequila is nasty. I just like a cup of tea and a quiet evening at home. **UncleBeer** :Please come to my home. I will have tofu burgers and Near Beer. Its a rally for the Al Gore Campaign. **Jophiel** :JvO ainā€™t that Hot. **JohnnyLA** :I need a tan, bad. I think I am gonna go lay out for a few hours. **OatWillie** :I feel so at home here. **MrCynical** :After careful consideration I have decided to join an order of Monks who forgo all physical pleasure. Yes, I mean _all_ of them. **Doobieous** :I have replaced all of my palm trees with a garden of marijuana plants. I need to stay smoked up for the next 7 years or so. **Spiritus Mundi** :Excuse me, I have to go. I didnā€™t realize there would be _alcohol_ at this party. I am going to go home and pray for your eternal souls. ::Makes sign of cross:: **pldennison** :Hot Dog! My McDonalds stock just rose four points. Now I can get that White Sox jersey. **Tengu** : Donā€™t trust anyone under 25, they are just too immature. **Zulu** :Its a midget, Damnit! **bigred1** :I donā€™t know. Flying in an airplane seems slightly dangerous. **Arnold Winkelried** :Fry em all, and let God decide. pat ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/52 "2000-07-01T23:46:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*Ayesha > OK who wants to do me ? > \*\* ## You left yourself this wide open on this board?- I do, I DO! beakerxf: Actually, Santa Ana was the REAL hero of the Alamo. CKDexthaven: The Talmud has nothing to say on this subject. zev: Here, let me quote from the Gospelsā€¦ Purplebear: Letā€™s stop all this flirting and get serious. Monty: I consider all that stuff about Joseph Smith and the golden plates to be pure myth. capacitor: The scientific evidence has convinced me- Evolution is a valid theory. Any Moderator: You know, Daniel, youā€™re right- we should do it like thisā€¦ Diane: Iā€™ve decided to shave my head & join a nunnery. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/53 "2000-07-01T23:56:33Z")
**Falcon:** Another Dopefest?? Forget it! Iā€™m _tired_ of Dopefests. Iā€™m never going to another one the rest of my life! **Satan:** You think we fight ignorance here; weā€™re small potatoes. We donā€™t hold a candle to the LBMB! **Drain Bead:** My goal is to make partner with a major corporate law firm, and Iā€™ll put in all the 20-hour days it takes to get there! **Silo:** I wish the SD women would stop flirting with me! **Snark:** Maybe I have some unresolved issues I need to deal with. **Libertarian:** Iā€™ve observed that hardly anyone IRL is particularly peaceful or honest. **MagicalSilverKey:** I canā€™t believe people would discuss _masturbation_ on a message board. How disgusting! **pldennison:** The _Star Wars_ movies bore me to tears. **Peta Tzunami:** The best part of moving to the South is being able to get good barbecue. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/54 "2000-07-02T00:09:56Z")
**phouka** : just hooted, honked and nearly fell off the chair laughing over Satan and _Chicken Soup for the Dopers soul_ā€¦ This is addictive; letā€™s see if I can do it w/o screwing up the bolding this time. **Eutychus** : You know, I really admire Disney as a corporation and a cultural icon. Think Iā€™ll invest my SD salary in Disney stock. **Arnold Winklereid** : Actually, my nick has nothing to do with Switzerland. Itā€™s Finnish for ā€œEutychusā€. **GuanoLad** : Yā€™know, getting shitfaced drunk and ruthlessly screwing everything in sight would be a better way to live! **aha** : Actually Iā€™m not a funky, funny former rock star. Iā€™m an inhibited, agoraphobic accordianist who plays along w/ Lawrence Welk records. And forget bubbly; I throw up from Bosco. **Cecil Adams** : Shit, hope these putzes never figure out Iā€™m main stringer for ā€œThe Globeā€. Veb ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/55 "2000-07-02T00:15:28Z")
Good one Patā€¦ Letā€™s add to that, why donā€™t we? **GaWd** - I wish I was a haughty virgin again! šŸ˜ƒ -Sam ---
**Author:** ![beakerxf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc79bd/32.png) [@beakerxf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beakerxf)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/56 "2000-07-02T01:09:35Z")
**London\_Calling** : Iā€™m thinking about trading in my Clash albums for the new Backstreet Boys CD. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/57 "2000-07-02T03:51:23Z")
**Falcon:** I just got back from the Norfolk Dopefest and the pictures are up in less than a half day!! Iā€™m gonna pay for that. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/58 "2000-07-02T03:58:19Z")
I was waiting for **perpperlandgirl** to do me, but Iā€™ll just have to do myself for now: ā˜¹ **Anthracite:** Solar good! Coal bad! ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/59 "2000-07-02T04:07:02Z")
> [@](#): > > **Falcon:** I just got back from the Norfolk Dopefest and the pictures are up in less than a half day!! Geez, **Chief**. I like you personally, and I have the highest respect for the Navy. But heck, you only have _one_ aircraft carrier at your disposal. Thatā€™s no defense against the fury you just created. I mentioned in another thread that I was bummed that I tossed my iodine pills, but that was because I thought you might be the source, not the target, of nuclear attack. Lemme know whether youā€™re on Gulf side or Med side so I can warn my friends. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/60 "2000-07-02T04:12:35Z")
I too have to do myself, since Iā€™m too new. Cranky: ā€œI donā€™t _really_ have anything useful to contribute to this thread, so Iā€™ll just not post.ā€ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278.md?page=4)