# Things you would never hear Dopers say **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 1, 2000, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278 "2000-07-01T16:36:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Qwisp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qwisp/32/397_2.png) [@Qwisp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qwisp)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/61 "2000-07-02T04:24:09Z")
Too bad nobody knows enough about me…ha! **Chiefscott:** I really wanted to be a Marine ---
**Author:** ![mega\_the\_roo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mega\_the\_roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mega_the_roo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/62 "2000-07-02T04:45:12Z")
Ah come on, doesn’t anybody want to do me?? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/63 "2000-07-02T04:49:02Z")
mega the roo said: “Ah come on, doesn’t anybody want to do me??” Obvious jokes aside . . . here goes: **mega the roo** : not only do I hate random trivia, I’m NOT obsessed with sex. And I hate Canadia. ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/64 "2000-07-02T05:02:14Z")
Democritus - I’m giving up my pot, my beer, and my interest in physics to go watch some WWF, Play some football, and drink nothing but water! I’m also moving from California back to seattle because I hate the sun! Omniscient - I’m giving up alcohol for a life free of such excess, and I shall join a seminary and become a devout catholic priest! VougeVixen - My GOD, I LOVE California, I especially want to live in San Francisco! Alphagene - I really love MPSIMS. I think i’ll spend ALL of my time there! ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/65 "2000-07-02T05:07:56Z")
**CanadianSue** : I’m just feeling crabby today so all of you can just live with it! **ExTank** : A strong federal government _requires_ the authorities’ control over all weaponry… **GuanoLad** : I’ve got this great new pick-up line… **jodih** : While I personally have no problem with an atheist cosmology… **MagicalSilverKey** : (see GuanoLad) **Michi** : Cats, schmats! You know, I’m really getting tired of the little buggers… **Olentzero** : I’ve got this great business idea! **slythe** : The people who want to introduce restrictive levels of gun control bother me far more than any Christian influences in our society. **zyada** : No dance is a good dance. and **tomndeb** : Well, this is just a WAG… ---
**Author:** ![Catrandom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/66 "2000-07-02T05:15:45Z")
**Eve:** I never watch anything made before 1970 unless it’s been colorized. Catrandom, who has no outstanding characteristics, it appears ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/67 "2000-07-02T05:27:04Z")
I’m afraid to ask. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/68 "2000-07-02T05:33:42Z")
Wow, I’m surprised. I thought I was a bigger target than this. But like they say, no news is good news. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/69 "2000-07-02T05:36:48Z")
Anthracite dear, you just had to give me a chance! Anthracite: “Wow! Take a look at his ASS! I am soooo gonna jump his bones first chance I get!” ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/70 "2000-07-02T05:39:39Z")
**Quisp:** “ **Quake** is my favorite breakfast cereal!” ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/71 "2000-07-02T05:59:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > OK who wants to do me ? > \*\* I’d offer, but I’m married. Sorry! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anti\_Pro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Anti\_Pro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anti_Pro)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/72 "2000-07-02T06:10:54Z")
Just to return the kind compliment,: \*\* beakererxf, \*\* I’m e mailing the mods tomorrow, I’m changing my user name to ‘HotTamale’! \*\* Byzantine, \*\* I’m really SOooooo shy, I just can’t participate in this discussion! It’s so, out of hand… \*\* Mr.Cynical, \*\* I’m getting the tattoo of a smiley face put right on my arm next to the rose! \*\* 2sense, \*\* Since becoming a vegetarian, I feel closer to all life forms! \*\* Surgoshan, \*\* I can’t wait to start the new campaign at school for the chess club! I just KNOW they’ll vote me in as president this year now that Cubbie has graduated! \*\* Coldfire, \*\* She called you a WHAT??? They don’t allow that kind of language on a message board do they??? I’m, just speechless! \*\* Michi, \*\* Ha!! did ya see how that squirrel jumped out of the way when I aimed my gun at him??? ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/73 "2000-07-02T07:12:26Z")
> [@](#): > > **Falcon: I just got back from the Norfolk Dopefest and the pictures are up in less than a half day!! > I’m gonna pay for that.** Damn straight you are, sailorboy. _sweet, yet evil, smile_ ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/74 "2000-07-02T07:16:41Z")
Hey! You’re suposed to be gone this weekend! Get off your Mom’s computer and… go watch tobacco grow or whatever they do in Raliegh! ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/75 "2000-07-02T08:04:47Z")
One, its Memphis. Two, What the hell ELSE am I supposed to do around here? And three, you think I was going to let you slander me all weekend and not keep track! Now THERE’S something I’d never say… ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/76 "2000-07-02T08:53:33Z")
**Falcon:** Hey mom! Can ya make me a peanut buter and fried banana sandwich? ---
**Author:** ![pricciar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@pricciar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pricciar)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/77 "2000-07-02T09:09:42Z")
**Louie** :Those stupid girls have to stop calling me. I can’t go on dates with them every night. The pizza man never gets to rest. Oh by the way, MrDope is rather funny. **VBlaise** : Like I always say. One or two drinks is good. Anything more is “slutty.” pat ---
**Author:** ![Louie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@Louie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Louie)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/78 "2000-07-02T09:16:57Z")
**pricciar:** I’m going to be serious here. For real ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/79 "2000-07-02T11:45:37Z")
I bitch to a couple people off line that I don’t get enough mentions here, and they decide to mention me in this goddamned thread: > [@](#): > > \*\* > **DRY** : of course, everyone knows that the Shakespearean plays were REALLY written by Francis Bacon. > > (ducking, and running, hon!) > > Scotti > \*\* All I have to say is: “Please, ladies. I’m not interested in anything other than getting my questions answered here.” How did I get such a reputation for being a flirt? I don’t flirt that much outside of the Pit, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/80 "2000-07-02T12:21:51Z")
**All The Dopers:** “There is no room for levity in a serious intellectual discussion; therfore, any individual making unwarranted attempts to post _humorous_ material should be subject to an immediate ban from the board. HHRRRUMMPH!” **All Moderators:** “Badges? Badges? We don’ gotta show you no stink’in badges!” **Little Ed:** “DUUUHHHH!” **Unca Cecil:** “My Secret Identity is _Chuck Barris_.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278.md?page=5)