# Things you would never hear Dopers say **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 1, 2000, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278 "2000-07-01T16:36:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2000, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/121 "2000-07-03T06:47:03Z")
**pricciar** : I hate chatting, it is such a waste of time. The only thing I hate more are cookies. **Omni** : I could never bring myself to touch a woman’s posterior. I’m too shy. **OpalCat** : I just think it’s silly when people have web pages about every little thing in their life. Privacy, people! ---
**Author:** ![beakerxf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc79bd/32.png) [@beakerxf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beakerxf)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2000, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/122 "2000-07-03T12:56:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Kricket threw herself on our mercy with: > Haven’t been done yet. I promise I will be brave! **Kricket** : Oh, I could never…[shy giggle]…do that. I’m way too sexually conservative and shy in bed. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2000, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/123 "2000-07-03T23:42:09Z")
**Ayesha** : "I’m going to leave the board for ever to pursue my life’s dream: I’m taking Holy Vows & entering a Convent! No sex for me, thanks! 🙂 " ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/124 "2000-07-04T02:44:28Z")
**BluePony** : I’m a strong man who has always yearned to understand the totality of pregnancy and childbirth. The needles! The rubber glove maneuvers! **Kricket** : Y’know, I really feel that down deep, I’m a missionary and Mary Kay rep just struggling to get out. God forbid the neighbors don’t approve; 'scuse me, gotta go tweezer the lawn. Veb ---
**Author:** ![Homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/125 "2000-07-04T05:04:02Z")
**MaryAnnQ** : You know, I think you’d look really good with a mullet. With the top permed. Now someone do me. –Tim ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/126 "2000-07-04T05:51:24Z")
I did you already man! C’mon, you should know my recovery rate isn’t **that** high! ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/127 "2000-07-04T06:18:09Z")
\*\*SpoofeBoDiddly: \*\* Y’know now that I think about it, Star Trek IS better than Star Wars… \*\*PurpleBear: \*\* No, I don’t even own a purple bikini. \*\*mattk: \*\* _singing_ You’ll neeeever walk aloooone… ---
**Author:** ![Anti\_Pro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Anti\_Pro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anti_Pro)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/128 "2000-07-04T06:50:14Z")
This is SO fun! Thanks for starting this Satan. \*\* Kricket, \*\* I’m taking on the nun’s vows this Sunday, can ya’ll come and watch?? Afterwards, I can never speak or have sex again, WHAT a relief! \*\* Homer, \*\* The chicks man! I can’t get away from them! Give me your baseball bat, \*\* waterj2, \*\* it worked wonders for your love life calming down! I’m exhausted!! \*\* Byzantine, \*\* the tea party is being held at my house, please wear white gloves and be careful, it’s my BEST china and silver. Pinky out, remember that now! \*\* Cowboy Greg, \*\* Did you see purplebear?? She is SO hot, don’t you think so? She’s MARRIED?? Rats! \*\* mega the roo, \*\* Anyone know where I can get a new whip? Mine is worn out! ☹ \*\* aha, \*\* guys, the Birdwatchers Club is actually meeting at MY house this week, I’m SO excited, we’re looking for the wild crested pee wee bird! ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/129 "2000-07-04T07:10:55Z")
My baseball bat? What are you talking about? Otherwise, great work all around. Maybe some more about me though. ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/130 "2000-07-04T07:16:23Z")
**crankyasanoldman** - Oh, I dunno…I don’t have an opinion on that. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/131 "2000-07-04T08:08:42Z")
GaWd: I have never EVER touched a DROP of alcohol in my entire life! How dare you offer me a free drink?! ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/132 "2000-07-04T12:49:37Z")
**B\_Line 12:** I have never been to Vegas, never been drunk and never tried to score a slut. Which goes to prove that I’ve never gone slumming on line for skanks while drunk in Vegas. ---
**Author:** ![Talkinsquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f6c823/32.png) [@Talkinsquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talkinsquirrel)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/133 "2000-07-04T18:41:21Z")
SOMEONE DO ME SOMEONE DO ME PLEAAAAAAAAAASE!!! ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/134 "2000-07-04T18:46:57Z")
beatle - There are just too many bars in Houston. Satan - You know, Brittney Spears is an excellent singer. I have all of her albums. handy - I don’t have anything intelligent to add to this thread so I just won’t post. TN\*hippie - Would yous guys stop talking about sex! ChiefScott - Go Army! ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/135 "2000-07-04T19:15:02Z")
VogueVixen :You know John Rocker really IS the antichrist! Kellibelli : I hate people who talk about sex in private. Sqrlcub: I really don’t like Ed Asner, it’s Mary Tyler Moore who turns my crank. Satan: That Zamfir really rocks!!! DavidB: The bible really is the literal truth. Cecil Adams : What the f\*\*K do ya want to know that for! Keith ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/136 "2000-07-04T20:09:01Z")
**ssskuggiii** : masturbation? What’s that? I know nothing about either the male or female body. What’s the Kama Sutra? **hyprgrl567** : Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat blows hairy fat goat testicles. **Brunetter** : my REAL name is \*\*\*\*\*\*\*. **purplebear** : I hate muscles. My ideal man is an emaciated shell of a being who hates dancing as much as I do. **iampunha** : the braves really, truly suck. ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/137 "2000-07-04T20:15:23Z")
Talkingsquirrel: I am secretly glad that none of the ladies have put me on their “lists”. And you folks have only done me ONCE!?! Heck, I am in the “top ten”, you know. Humph. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Talkinsquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f6c823/32.png) [@Talkinsquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talkinsquirrel)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/138 "2000-07-04T20:51:58Z")
> [@](#): > > Talkingsquirrel: I am secretly glad that none of the ladies have put me on their “lists”. Huh list what list theres a list? With ladies? What now I like what? ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/139 "2000-07-04T20:55:46Z")
Danielinthewolvesden: You know, I hardly ever post. Mainly I just lurk. I don’t have an opinion on much of anything. ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/140 "2000-07-04T21:09:59Z")
She shoots! She scores!!! 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278.md?page=8)