# Things you would never hear Dopers say **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 1, 2000, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278 "2000-07-01T16:36:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/141 "2000-07-04T21:44:43Z")
Hypergirl: I hate smileyfaces. They’re horrible! And no, I hate watching other people. I mind my own business. PDAs bother me. Iampunha: I think that people who study and are smart are gigantic dorks. I eat them for breakfast, and then have sex with all their cheerleader girlfriends. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/142 "2000-07-04T23:01:35Z")
**ShirleyUjest** - God I can’t wait for tonight! I am going to the neighbors house for a Tuperware party! Not only will I buy lots and lots of goodies, I am exited to play those fun party games! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/143 "2000-07-04T23:10:36Z")
Falcon: Man, ChiefScott sucks! UncleBeer: You know, guns really _are_ bad. I think I’ll get rid of mine. Kricket: Goddess, schmoddess. These Chick Tracts rule! Vestal Blue: Oh man, not _another_ cinnamon oil rub! pldennison: I’ve changed my mind. I want a houseful of kids! Alphagene: C’mere and let me give you a great big hug! Me: MPSIMS sucks. I think I’ll go hang over in GQ for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/144 "2000-07-04T23:18:42Z")
Now wait, Cristi. I _might_ actually say that if he…oh wait. You didn’t mean it that way. NEVERMIND! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/145 "2000-07-04T23:22:13Z")
**Satan** I love North Carolina. I would never leave this state. **Bricker** I hate trivia games. They are a total waste of time. **CanadianSue** I hate hockey. It’s a man’s game. **Moosiegirl** I love hosting wedding showers…well I love the whole wedding event. **Coldfire** I won’t give an opinion on that. **Diane** Men are not on my calendar of events\*\* **ChiefScott** I hate the ocean. **handy** Surfing is for wussies. **Demo** I would not ever date someone on the Net. **pyscho** I won’t leave my home, job, etc. for anything. **Drainbead** Law is just not my thing. **aha** ultress is not even my friend. **alphagene** I agree with what you say. **David B** Of course the Bible is true word for word and you can’t convince me otherwise **Silo** I can handle that on my own. **Aeysha** I wouldn’t even consider flirting on a message board **Shayna** Smoking is an easy habit to break **Tatortot** I hate my name **Manny** Moving threads is not my job **Eve** Old movies bore me **Ike** I wish I were southern through and through **Needs2know** Virginia is not a southern state **spoke-** I think Duke sucks **southernstyle** Give me tea unsweetened please **polycarp** Come on in the pit so I can roast ya good **TubaDiva** I love this message board and everything associated with it, everyone is so wonderful and kind to the mods and admins \*\* UncleBeer\*\* I’ll take coffee please **Chef Troy** I’d rather post than eat **Falcon** I love my job it’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of **shirleyujest** Of course I’ll pay $200 for that dress ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/146 "2000-07-04T23:24:30Z")
Damn, sorry I spelled your name wrong **Ayesha** I was on a roll ---
**Author:** ![Anti\_Pro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Anti\_Pro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anti_Pro)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/147 "2000-07-04T23:34:53Z")
You were on a roll, yours was hilarius! 🙂 ‘Polycarp, come on in the pit, so I can roast ya good…’ :::;goes off snickering::::: \*\* waterj2, \*\* the baseball bat was for beating off the young ladies who pursue you endlessly day and night, Tim needed it, since you were resting for a moment…he figured you could hand it over for a bit. \*\* iampunha, \*\* hic…hic…how dry I am…whhoooooppssies, I knocked my bottle over! um where was i in my songiewongie??? Ummmm, how fried I ammmmmmm, how stewed I’ll beeeeeee. ahhhhhhahahahahahaha …hic… \*\* Talkinsquirrel, \*\* I hate people! I hate message boards, and this is all such a waste of my time!! Where’s my bow and arrow??? Nah, ya’ll aren’t worth the strength! ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/148 "2000-07-04T23:47:02Z")
Three pages, no Milo references. The Invisible Man. Anybody seen that cross and those nails? ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/149 "2000-07-05T00:59:20Z")
**Milo** Sure, my life is together. I have no problems whatsoever. You got a problem with that? **talkingsquirrel** I’m just not your type of guy, big fella. **Esprix** Call me all the names you want, it won’t bother me. **Tubagirl** I’m the perfect wife-to-be **Osip** I would rather not have a woman in my life **Libetarian** Democracy is the greatest! **OldTank** Let’s burn all the guns **Wanderer** I’m really got it all together, it’s you people that are wacked **Green Beans** I’ve never had a bad experience with anyone on the board **Kellibelli** Men are like flies, you either have a bunch or a little **SquirrelCub** Give it your best shot. **purplebear** Men are just toys to be tossed aside ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/150 "2000-07-05T03:26:36Z")
Satan - Get a haircut, hippie! And quit monkeyin’ around with that radio nonsense and get a real job! Bricker - Um, uh, what do you mean by that? I’ve never heard of this so called “concept” you propose. Does it involve math? CanadianSue - What? And miss Miami Vice? No way! Coldfire - What’s a fjord? handy - I just heard the funniest joke! I can’t remeber the punchline, though… Democritus - Yeah? Well you’re a poopy head! Drainbead - Like, what do you mean? WHAT-ever! You’re like, icky. aha - No, don’t mind me. I just want to watch. alphagene - I’m at a loss for words. Your rebuttal was so, so, so, perfect. Silo - It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean. Aeysha - Look, I’m not a slut, I’m just popular. How come a guy can fuck all he wants and he’s a “stud” but it makes me a slut? Shayna - Don’t think I’ll walk off in a huff! Just because I don’t have anything intelligent to say, doesn’t mean I won’t continue to insist I am right, like an idiot. Tatertot - Kids? Who needs 'em? Eve - hukt on fonizx woort fer me! TubaDiva - I hate this place! I’m leavin’! UncleBeer - I can’t stand you guys, and none of you can appreciate a cappucino in a poetry bar! Chef Troy - Oh, just throw a “hungry-man” in the microwave and nuke it for three minutes! Falcon - Ooh, I have got to have the new Britney album. Can one of you guys lend me some money? Mr Cynical - You have such a gnarly lookin’ girlfriend, Lex. How can you stand to be with her? She’s so ugly! Techchick - You know, I gave it some thought, and that guy really is a nimrod. GaWd - Can’t hang out in chat now, I have to finish this dress and get to the gay bar before the wet underoo contest is over. Doobieous - What? No gravy? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!! That’s all I can think of. You know, I thought I was well known and then only one person did me. _sniff_😃 ~Santi ---
**Author:** ![Michi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Michi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michi)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/151 "2000-07-05T07:05:56Z")
ME: Hey guys! I’m getting married!! ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/152 "2000-08-11T01:03:38Z")
Me: Let’s all gay bash! Woo ha! ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/153 "2000-08-11T07:05:24Z")
Michi: I’ve got men all over me. I just wish they’d leave me alone. ---
**Author:** ![SmoothOperator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@SmoothOperator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmoothOperator)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/154 "2000-08-11T10:51:07Z")
Anti Pro - Will you people leave me alone? I know everything I’ll ever need to know and don’t want to hear your opinion or anything about your life. Sheesh. Polycarp - You know, intellectual discussions bore me. Osip - Man, those russian poets suck. RTFirefly - Math concepts are beyond me. I just don’t get it, it’s so boring. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Phobos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Phobos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phobos)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/155 "2000-08-11T13:34:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chronos \* > \*\*Ooh! Someone do me, too! \*\* (check the other related thread) ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/156 "2000-08-18T08:23:49Z")
Hmm. I would think that I’d be a big target for something like this. Maybe I’ve made myself too unpopular. Here’s my own suggestion: **Lizard** -I have to beat all these women off with a stick! ---
**Author:** ![Phobos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Phobos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phobos)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/157 "2000-08-18T13:16:04Z")
_I suppose I could just re-post it here, **Chronos** _ **Chronos** - I guess you’re right, FTL travel _is_ possible. ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2000, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/158 "2000-08-24T20:34:30Z")
Chief Scott is actually coming out of the closet as a smiley user. He’s trying to make it look like it pisses him off, but he secretly enjoys it. See Chief Scott’s deception [here.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=34374) ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/159 "2000-08-25T20:18:59Z")
No one has mentioned me. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. **Phaedrus** : I’ll come right to the point… **Everyone** : Computers are useless. The internet is a waste of time; it’ll never amount to anything. **jab1** : Our father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name… ---
**Author:** ![Anniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/cc9497/32.png) [@Anniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anniz)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278/160 "2000-08-25T21:49:25Z")
**ChiefScott** , I’m not horny. **Anniz** , I’m not horny. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-would-never-hear-dopers-say/24278.md?page=9)