# Things You'd Buy If They Actually Existed **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 29, 2012, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076 "2012-01-29T10:51:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/21 "2012-01-30T00:35:23Z")
> [@Barrett\_Bonden](#): > > Dibs on the Trunk Monkey Theft Retrieval System! Damn, you beat me to it. I’ll settle for a Star Trek transporter, instead. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/22 "2012-01-30T01:55:23Z")
> [@FlyByNight512](#): > > A [noteslate](http://www.noteslate.com/). Sadly they’ve been “working on prototypes” for upwards of a year now and I seriously doubt it’ll ever make it to market. Oh man, I so want that. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/23 "2012-01-30T01:58:08Z")
Agreed, the TARDIS, and the Sonic Screwdriver ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/24 "2012-01-30T02:30:55Z")
> [@Hyperelastic](#): > > I would pay up to $15 for a device that could spread cold butter on bread without tearing it. Don’t want no “spreadable butter” or for that matter non-dairy spread. I want a way to put a nice uniform layer of real butter, at refrigerator temperature, on bread. How about a battery-operated heated knife? ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/25 "2012-01-30T04:05:41Z")
> [@Hyperelastic](#): > > I would pay up to $15 for a device that could spread cold butter on bread without tearing it. Don’t want no “spreadable butter” or for that matter non-dairy spread. I want a way to put a nice uniform layer of real butter, at refrigerator temperature, on bread. It seems almost do-able, though I’m not sure… I’m picturing something sort of like a garlic press, probably a little larger… but I’m not sure how something so finely extruded would stay cold for very long… hmm… ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/26 "2012-01-30T04:15:18Z")
A complete video camera recording system that’s records everything around me in a small package like a pair of glasses that wirelessly transmit data to a computer or something. I want proof of my alibi and who’s at fault etc but what I really want this device for is because I am SO SICK OF PEOPLE DENYING WHAT THEY SAID AND DID!!! I think all new born babies should be given this device from day one. 😉 . ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/27 "2012-01-30T04:46:04Z")
Katamari Damacy for PC. It’s a console-only game where you control a little ball that moves around and stuff sticks to it. You start out around the size of a pea and get bigger and bigger, and progressively larger things sticks to you. It’s a really freaking cool game, but they haven’t ported it to the PC and it makes me sad ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/28 "2012-01-30T09:20:04Z")
A full-length mens coat with a hood. A modern cloak, if you like, but not one that makes me look like I’m in fancy dress. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/29 "2012-01-30T11:26:16Z")
Chainsword. [QUOTE=brittlekland] A complete video camera recording system that’s records everything around me in a small package like a pair of glasses that wirelessly transmit data to a computer or something. [/QUOTE] I’ve been waiting for real life logs for a long time, too. If only to figure out what the hell I said or did on drunken nights out. ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/30 "2012-01-30T12:02:23Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > I’ve been waiting for real life logs for a long time, too. > If only to figure out what the hell I said or did on drunken nights out. Do you really wanna find out? I have hard enough time trying to forget about what I said drunk. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/31 "2012-01-30T12:19:01Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > [I’m bracing myself for a possible whoosh here, but…](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuborg_Brewery) [I had always assumed that it was a fictional product made up in this scene.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-C6EjQSAbc&feature=related) ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/32 "2012-01-30T12:34:37Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Damn, you beat me to it. > > I’ll settle for a Star Trek transporter, instead. And you beat me to that. Though a transporter, if it existed, might be a little out of my price range. I’d like someone to invent a remote finder for the Kindle. Something that makes the Kindle beep so that you can find it when you lose it. Since I might well lose the remote device too, it’d be cool if you could activate it via the internet as long as wireless was on on your Kindle. ---
**Author:** ![Hogfather65](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7bcc69/32.png) [@Hogfather65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hogfather65)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/33 "2012-01-30T13:27:57Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > A Tardis. /end-of-thread Me to - i’m the Master here 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/34 "2012-01-30T14:03:30Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > [I’m bracing myself for a possible whoosh here, but…](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuborg_Brewery) Don’t be ridiculous! Twoborg is the Golden Beer of computer Hive Mind Collectives. Your beer is irrelevant! ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/35 "2012-01-30T14:05:59Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > And “Nuts 'N Gum”. > > And Skittlebrau. > > And Tuborg, the beer of Danish kings. > > And the world-famous Moon Waffle. > > And red-hot, Texas-style ginger ale. > > And corn nog. > > And tomacco. > > And chutney-flavored squishees. > > And Krusty Partially-Gelatinated-Non-Dairy-Based-Gum-Beverages. > > And Bonestorm. (Or maybe Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge if it’s not sold out.) I notice that “wadded-beef” and “Chub” were suspiciously absent from this list…😉 Oh, and I’m sure you can replicate red-hot, Texas-style ginger ale. Just buy some Reed’s Ginger Beer (go for the Extra Ginger style,) and heat it up. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/36 "2012-01-30T14:10:41Z")
Well, if science fiction vehicles count, I want the Gay Deceiver, the vehicle from the Heinlein novel “The Number of the Beast.” But only if it comes with the continua device also from the novel, the one that allows for interdimensional travel. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/37 "2012-01-30T16:52:30Z")
I’m still waiting for my weirding module. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/38 "2012-01-30T17:25:59Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I’m still waiting for my weirding module. Keep you voice down! ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/39 "2012-01-30T17:30:40Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > And Tuborg, the beer of Danish kings. > [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > [I’m bracing myself for a possible whoosh here, but…](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuborg_Brewery) Indeed. In fact, Tuborg was brewed in the United States at one time. Rights to brew it domestically were acquired by Carling in 1973, then passed to G. Heileman in 1979. I remember it was brewed in Phoenix in the A-1 Brewery in the 80s. It came in two varieties, Gold and Dark. I was partial to Tuborg dark myself. Their advertising line was “For the price of the King of Beers, you can have the Beer of Kings.” Also, I tied an onion on my belt in those days, which was the style at the time. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2012, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076/40 "2012-01-30T18:04:58Z")
Oh yeah, I want vat meat, too, so I can eat all the meat I want without that nasty, nagging feeling of guilt for not buying “ethical” meat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-buy-if-they-actually-existed/611076.md?page=3)