# Things you'd never put on your resumé/CV **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 29, 2004, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093 "2004-12-29T14:33:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/1 "2004-12-29T14:33:21Z")
Or, tell me about your (almost) completely useless talents. For example, many years ago I had the good fortune of meeting a young woman who was able to, at will, roll a quarter down her nose where it would bounce off a table and into a shotglass. Or, for another example, my sister can, at will, ejaculate a little stream of water from under her tongue. I do this, unintentionally, from time to time, but she has _mastered_ it. I don’t know why. So what embarassing or ridiculous thing can you do, or have you done, that you’d most likely never mention to a future employer? ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/2 "2004-12-29T14:42:03Z")
I have a lot of experience with plumbing from when I used to work for my Dad’s sprinkler company. It’s not as if this really helps me at all in the advertising business, which I’ve been in for 10 years. I used to tell prospective employers about my plumbing experience just for giggles, but I’ve stopped mentioning it because once people found out about it, all of a sudden I’d become the go-to guy when the toilets got plugged up in the office. I’d also get calls at night from co-workers who wondered whether I’d mind coming over with my toolbox because a water line broke in their house and they couldn’t get a plumber to come over on an emergency call. ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/3 "2004-12-29T14:42:07Z")
Well, I can waste hours and hours on end reading threads here at the SDMB. Until something shiny catches my eye. Pretty sure a would be employer wouldn’t… LOOK! a quarter! ---
**Author:** ![MercyStreet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a9adbd/32.png) [@MercyStreet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MercyStreet)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/4 "2004-12-29T15:41:15Z")
I can get any non-cooperative office machine to work again. Fax machines, printers, vacuum cleaners, air-conditioner compressers … mine, mine, mine. Copiers are a particular talent. I speak Ricoh’s language. I can coax out any jam, replace any toner. The boys stand around helplessly. They say things like, “Pretty good, for a girl.” … I then swear the onlookers to secrecy, for fear that I’ll be issued a Nextel so every floor can broadcast its troubles to FixItGirl. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/5 "2004-12-29T16:11:53Z")
ubI spubeak rubealluby flubuubent ubbububie dubbububie. ---
**Author:** ![Jessity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jessity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jessity)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/6 "2004-12-29T16:27:57Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Or, for another example, my sister can, at will, ejaculate a little stream of water from under her tongue. I do this, unintentionally, from time to time, but she has _mastered_ it. I don’t know why. I can do this, too. We call it “gleeking.” I can’t think of any other stupid things I can do. I once douched a calf, and thankfully I’m not looking for work in a field related to that particular talent. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/7 "2004-12-29T16:30:14Z")
-I’m an expert marksman…I’d NEVER share that with an employer. -I can sharpen my knife to such a keen edge that I can shave with it. -I own throwing knives… and can use them with accuracy. I’m very strong and, although I’d never list that as an attribute on my resume’, it’s something that’s hard to hide. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/8 "2004-12-29T16:31:27Z")
Department of Erroneous Doubletakes: The thread title is: “Things you’d never put on your resumé/CV.” My immediate reaction was, “Is this really the 105th thread on this topic?” :o ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/9 "2004-12-29T17:34:54Z")
I’ve memorized pi to 1000 places and the entire periodic table of elements. I’m also very, very strong. Umm… I’m a geek. I can read for several hours on end. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/10 "2004-12-29T17:42:37Z")
I can flip the bird with the toes on my left foot. I’m sure my boss would be _so_ excited to know that. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/11 "2004-12-29T18:07:36Z")
I can’t flip the bird with my toes (man, that’s GOOD) but I can give the “thumbs up” with them. I can also hang a spoon from my nose. Both skills, of course, I use daily here in my cubicle. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/12 "2004-12-29T18:13:22Z")
I can turn on a lightswitch with my shoulderblade. I can open doors with my feet. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/13 "2004-12-29T18:39:20Z")
> [@Jessity](#): > > I can do this, too. We call it “gleeking.” Me three! ---
**Author:** ![JerH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bb73d2/32.png) [@JerH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerH)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/14 "2004-12-29T18:58:39Z")
Because of a college work-study job, I’m very good at figuring out problems with any non-computer A/V equipment; the same job gave me skills as a movie projectionist. I also have a fair chunk of the dewey decimal system memorized (basically, the parts that have books that got checked out a lot). None of these skills are useful in my current job as a project manager. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/15 "2004-12-29T19:11:14Z")
Man, I got nothing. Unless you count my ability to have 4 separate IM conversations simultaneously. I’ve had as many as 6 going at once, but that’s a bit too much multitasking for my brain. I probably coulda done better when I was younger, if such a medium existed. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/16 "2004-12-29T19:39:16Z")
I’ve got great quads. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/17 "2004-12-29T22:32:26Z")
I too am an accomplished gleekist, although it aims about 30 degrees to the left of center. I don’t tell prospective employers of my 5,000 piece comic book collection, although I don’t keep it a secret once I get the job. When I had a retainer I could play tunes on it (Wm. Tell Overture was a favorite). That was a long time ago. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![vinniepaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@vinniepaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vinniepaz)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/18 "2004-12-29T22:41:00Z")
I can stick a pencil really far into my nose. I have really strong fists, and have been known to punch solid walls as hard as I can to impress people. I have a fairly high pain tolerance, so I often let people punch me in the stomach. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/19 "2004-12-29T22:48:05Z")
I don’t list the date of my college degree, just the school and the major. I don’t state that I take shorthand, even though I’m a whiz at it. I don’t list all of my job experience, just the last 10 years or so. Yes, I’m pushing fifty, why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093/20 "2004-12-30T00:31:20Z")
I never mention the 2.5 hour shift I worked at Sonic. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youd-never-put-on-your-resume-cv/282093.md?page=2)