# Things you'll almost certainly never get to do. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 5, 2008, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929 "2008-06-05T21:14:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2008, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/1 "2008-06-05T21:14:31Z")
It is virtually certain that I will never, ever get to attend a Christmas orgy at the office. Your choices? ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/2 "2008-06-05T23:06:40Z")
Walk on the moon. A three-way. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2008, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/3 "2008-06-05T23:09:20Z")
Emma Watson. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2008, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/4 "2008-06-05T23:28:48Z")
Reon Kadena. Be the President of the US. Swim in an olympic-size swimming pool filled with chocolate syrup. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2008, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/5 "2008-06-06T00:23:25Z")
Win the Power-Ball. Inherit billions. Secure a fiscally viable American Dream for my children. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2008, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/6 "2008-06-06T00:27:25Z")
Well, I _know_ I’ll never get to be President of the USA. I’m Canadian. 🙂 Other things I’ll never do: Go on a date with Kathy S., Anna-Marie H. or Gabriella M. (Three women who were major interests during different phases of my life.) Be a father. Go to space. Be rich. (I’ll qualify that one by saying that I mean ‘rich’ as in ‘I can spend 200 million dollars to buy a yacht and not even worry about the impact that purchase would have on my bank account’. I _am_ rich according to one definition: I have no debt. I am poor by another definition: I do not own a house.) Be able to reliably recognise casual acquaintances and interpret body language. (Nothing I can do about that one; it’s the brain wiring.) Own a house. (Just too much money.) ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2008, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/7 "2008-06-06T00:35:28Z")
Go into orbit. Pilot a light-than-air craft. (preferably a rigid hulled LTA) Dive on _Titanic_ Be an elected representative to the State Assembly. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2008, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/8 "2008-06-06T00:41:45Z")
Be elected to public office (I’m Wiccan). ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2008, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/9 "2008-06-06T01:00:44Z")
Join the 3rd reich and skip while everyone else is goosestepping. Sleep with George W Bush while in drag. Master Arabic and all of its variants back to the 3rd century. Buy the Mona Lisa and donate it to a third tier school frat house. Be the oldest person on earth and still be a world class limbo dancer. Start an airline that specializes in random aerobatics. Start fires by rapidly licking sticks with my tongue. Do back handsprings so fast that I become a blur. Suck a spaghetti noodle 100 hundred yards long into my mouth and then spit it out the same way to make delicate performance art. Water ski behind the QEII. Use a jet pack to make the winning score in a critical NFL game. Get Hillary Clinton to sleep with me and make her moan like never before. Knock over the rest of Stonehenge with a roundhouse kick. Call Chuck Norris to make a fight and he just cries. ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2008, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/10 "2008-06-06T03:05:30Z")
Experience being a mother. I don’t mean for that to sound melancholy; I never wanted to have children, and except for the rare instance of baby craving (rarer and rarer over the years) I’ve been perfectly fine with that decision. But I wonder what it’s like to be pregnant, to know you’re creating another human being. What birth is like, what having a human being totally in love with you and utterly dependent on you, how much your life changes once you’re a mother, and that child is your legacy and your treasure. Then I get over it. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2008, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/11 "2008-06-06T03:18:29Z")
Be me again at like 13 and somehow keep everything I know and realize I had a lot more going for me than I understood. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2008, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/12 "2008-06-06T04:01:49Z")
Drive a race car, or fly a formula one pylon racer. I’ve had a chance to drive the car, but couldn’t fit in the cockpit. Didn’t fit in the pylon racer either, but am not qualified to fly it if I had. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2008, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youll-almost-certainly-never-get-to-do/451929/13 "2008-06-06T13:07:38Z")
Be a frontman for a rock band, for just one song, at an arena show. Have a three-way with my high school girlfriend and her older sister. Have a son. Make my first million by 40 (I’m 41). Introduce my daughters to my grandparents. Take back that thing I said, for which I will forever live with guilt.