# Things your perfect girl/guy should understand and not want to change about you. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 13, 2000, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082 "2000-11-13T23:24:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/1 "2000-11-13T23:24:14Z")
Since we have Perfect Guy/Girl quality threads going on, why not talk about what you yourself will bring to the relationship that is immutable. For example… 1.) I sing. A lot. At sundry times. And I’m not changing it, and I’m not apologizing for it, and I’m certainly not going to keep quiet. 2.) I’m opinionated. I like that about myself, that I can express myself openly. 3.) I love the arts, and I’d rather go to a play or a musical or a dance production or poetry reading rather than a ball game anyway. 4.) I’m moody. I can’t always be happy; no one can. Anyone else? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/2 "2000-11-13T23:52:36Z")
1. Sometimes I need to be alone with the computer for a few hours. Me-time. I need me-time. I love you, but I’d prefer not to go insane just yet:) 2. Sometimes I will cry for no apparent reason. Sometimes I’ll smile for no apparent reason. For me to explain it to you would take several hours of rehashing in intricate detail things that I’ve experienced. At some point I’ll explain one to you. This is not that point:) 3. I’m aware that I’m singing along to a song playing on my headphones. I’m aware you can’t hear the song and don’t know I made a harmony (that works) and I’m aware it sounds like I have problems. Would you rather hear “Can’t Fight That Feeling Anymore” by Whitesnake? ---
**Author:** ![JuanDeCuba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a87d85/32.png) [@JuanDeCuba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuanDeCuba)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/3 "2000-11-14T00:18:15Z")
Sometimes, I have no desire to speak english, or even hear it. Solo español. ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/4 "2000-11-14T00:25:23Z")
There are times when we will go out with the guys. If I went out with the guys to a strip club or to play poker before we got together, I will not stop. If you ask me to stop, You will make me feel Pussy-Wipped, will be the laughing-stock, and will not obey your commands. if you want me to obey your commands. Too bad. Get a Puppy. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either. Anything said 6 months ago in an argument is no longer valid as blackmail or may not and cannot be brought up in this argument. ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/5 "2000-11-14T00:39:26Z")
I sing. Pretend you don’t hear it, even if you like it, because I’m really shy about it. I feel. I’ll even try to tell you what I feel but it may or may not make any sence. (“I’m so happy. Look at the sky!”) Sometimes I have to do things because I am me. Love me anyway. I’m a touch sensitive person. I’m awful about recieving gifts. I do love them, deep down, I’m just really bad with gentle gestures. There are so many more. Sigh. I’m such a bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/6 "2000-11-14T00:41:09Z")
How strange, but I share the exact same qualities as Nocturne, iampunha, and JuanDeCuba. ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/7 "2000-11-14T00:46:14Z")
I hang out with guys mostly. No, I haven’t slept with them, no I’m not trying to. Yes, we joke about it sometimes, but it’s JOKING! I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/8 "2000-11-14T00:46:21Z")
The perfect man will not want to change the fact that I… 1. Am tone deaf and will continue to sing as loudly and as off-key as I can for the rest of my life. Because I can remember all the words to songs after hearing them once, this means I will be singing off-key a lot. 2. Refuse to be yelled at. You yell at me, I dissolve into tears or run away. Yelling is not and never will be an effective form of communication for me. 3. Am outgoing and somewhat of a social butterfly. And I like to flirt. 4. Like to argue and debate. It doesn’t mean I’m mad, it just means I am curious about his opinions. 5. Have my default emotion set at happy, but when I have PMS and feel bloated and can’t find my shoes and missed my hair appointment and was late for work, then I am going to throw one hell of a hissy fit and you just better deal with it. 6. Will make an effort to challenge him - I won’t accept every stupid thing you say or do when I think you have the ability to be better. I will question your ideas and beliefs if I think they are hurting you or holding you back. 7. Hate cats. 8. Will scream louder than anyone else at a Caps game. It’s how I work out my aggression, ok? I will shriek and scream and yell how much I love Olaf Kolzig for as long as the game lasts. Then I’m all yours. 9. Will religiously watch Jeopardy and call out the answers, and I will never miss an episode of Felicity or ER and I cry throughout both. 10. Need my own time alone. I know I’m fabulous and you want to be with me forever, but jeez I need some time to be with myself. It’s good if this time coincides with Felicity. I’m sure there is someone out there who can deal with all this. I feel the need to break into song… > [@](#): > > Mr. Sandman? > Yes? > Bring me a dream. Make him the greatest that I’ve ever seen. > Give him two lips of crimson and clover, and tell him that his lonely days are over! Thankyouverymuch! ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/9 "2000-11-14T00:50:40Z")
1. Once every two weeks (and only in the season, even) there is a Formula One race on TV. For a mere two hours, YES, it IS more important than you, unless something lifethreatening occurs. 2. My music is NOT noise. I don’t expect you to love it, but I won’t take stupid comments from someone whose music collection was 4 CD’s big before you met me. 3. Yes, good speakers ARE big. And no, they’re not ugly. They’re kick-ass. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/10 "2000-11-14T00:52:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*Sigh. I’m such a bitch. > \*\* No, you’re a lovely (VERY strong) person, which often gets confused with bitchendom. Now back to your regularly-scheduled OP. ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/11 "2000-11-14T02:14:36Z")
I forgot to mention that I too am a fan of ER. No phone calls or anything are allowed during this show. It’s my special time with Mom. And yes, I cry during every episode also, especially the recent ones where Lukas is trying to find the family of the guy he killed. Most people would try to forget about it but Lukas cares. I went nuts when Dr Green’s dad was sick from cancer and died…it hit too close to home. If you try to take me away from watching ER I _will_ claw your eyes out. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/12 "2000-11-14T02:19:25Z")
1. I don’t really care whether we ever get legally married or not, but if we do, I am keeping the name I grew up with. _You_ are welcome to change _yours_ if you like. 2. I am NEVER going to be comfortable chatting up strangers. 3. If it’s eleven in the morning on a gorgeous sunny day, I don’t want to stay in bed. Not even with you. 4. This guy named Chip whom you have never met is a very, very, very evil person. I don’t care if you don’t understand why. Just nod and agree with me, OK? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/13 "2000-11-14T02:31:31Z")
Honey, I love you, but the Braves have been my favorite team since I was small. They’re beating the shit out of the other team, I know, but still. I want to see them win because they’ve blown bigger leads to worse teams. Honey, I love you but I have NO fashion sense. You would look good in a burlap bag . . . hell, there was that one time . . . anyway. Get one of your girlfriends over here to tell you what looks good. Honey, I love you, but right now I’ve got three elite canno galleons, two war galleons and five persian war elephants going against four war galleons, three towers each with five archers and two viking longboats. I can pause the game, but I know I won’t get back to it until . . . :pantpantpant: okay. I’ll save and get off. Honey, I love you but I’m not going to stop flirting online. It makes me happy. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/14 "2000-11-14T02:33:23Z")
DEATH TO SMILIES :pantpantpant: ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/15 "2000-11-14T02:39:20Z")
\*Don’t try to change my opinion when I’m set in that belief. I will listen to your opinion, but I won’t let you change mine. \*I do need to be left alone every now and then. By every now and then, I mean whenever I walk off for no apparent reason or decide to go up to my room and “think”. \*I poke fun at my friends. Don’t expect me not to laugh at you as much as myself when I or you do silly things. I can be serious, but sometimes I need to do something or say something stupid to make joviality appear. \*I’m affectionate with people I care about. Just because I hug all my friends regardless of sex does not mean I’m sleeping with them. \*I want to be treated as an equal. None of this “oh, I can’t say that because you’re female” bullshit. I can gross you out more easily than you can me. \*If I ask you to stop doing something when I’m trying to get stuff done, you have to stop. If I say it in a playful way, keep doing it. \*Expect a hard smack when you say something rude that was uncalled for. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/16 "2000-11-14T02:47:14Z")
1. There’s this thing called NASCAR, and this thing called CART. Now, NASCAR’s almost every weekend, Saturday and Sunday afternoons. CART is less often. But for the three or four hours each that the races are on (CART and NASCAR often overlap), I am only available for emergencies. If you don’t like racing, you damn well better learn to at least put up with it. 2. Don’t worry about saying “I love you” all the time. I have a hard time saying it myself. Even when I mean it. Just be nice to me and kiss me and I’ll know. Expect the same from me. 3. If you like my voice or the way I play guitar, you can listen as long as you don’t look at me and you make yourself as invisible as possible. I get terrible stage fright in front of people I don’t know but it’s even worse when I do know and like the person and want them to like me and my music. Pretend you’re not there and don’t compliment me too much. 4. I sing along with the radio. Somehow this is different from singing when I’m playing guitar… anyway, that’s just a warning. And I break into song and/or Monty Python quotations at random points of conversation. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/17 "2000-11-14T02:47:14Z")
If you hit me and you’re female, I will most likely hot you back. That you’re female doesn’t automatically disqualify you from this. If you want to call me a woman-beater, I’ll call you a man-beater. I don’t disciminate on the basis of gender. Sometimes I like to gross you out. Sometimes I don’t think you want to hear stuff. If you do and you don’t like it, don’t go getting mad at me:) ---
**Author:** ![wyldelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@wyldelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wyldelf)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/18 "2000-11-14T02:50:55Z")
My perfect man will understand that: 1. I find humour in the most obscure things (and probably not always where appropriate) 2. Though I can appreciate your crude jokes with you mates and will usually laugh along - I do not consider this to be the basis for all of our conversations. 3. I need to be my own person, I will crumble under relationship pressure if you don’t let me be me. 4. Most of my friends are male. This doesn’t mean I want to sleep with them no matter how much we joke about it. 5. Many of the guys I dated are still friends and I WILL talk to them and hang out. 6. I love the small gestures that indicate thoughtfulness and understanding rather than extravagent gestures that just indicate a big bank account and no imagination. 7. Flowers are NOT a way to say sorry. 8. It is as important for me to have time to hang out with my mates as it is for you. 9. I take pleasure in many little things - a flower, a hug, a smile. Don’t look at me strange when I smile at the obscure. 10. If it is a nice day outside, then chances are I won’t want to laze around in bed all day on the pretense of snuggling whilst in reality you are snoring. 11. You are very important to me but not essential. I am with you because I want to be not because I have to be. 12. I will always adore being treated like a lady. ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/19 "2000-11-14T03:05:56Z")
I sing a lot. In the car. In the shower. In front of the computer. Pretty much whenever I feel like it. I touch people. It’s usually not conscious. I have lots of close female friends. Accept it. It doens’t mean I’m sleeping with them. My best friend is an ex-girlfriend. Don’t be threatened by it. You either trust me or you don’t. In fact I’m friends with nearly every girl I’ve ever gone out with. I can do without emotional rants based on your insecurities. I love reading and there are times when I just want to sit for a few hours occasionally. I like trying new things and experiences. Don’t become too attached to routine. I love discussions and they can often be serious debates or whimsical conversation (or combinations of the above). My friends mean a lot to me. I WILL NOT change them or not see them based solely on your dislike of any of them. ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082/20 "2000-11-14T03:16:06Z")
> [@](#): > > especially the recent ones where Lukas is trying to find the family of the guy he killed Oh, you know I cried for over an hour last season when Carol went back to Doug? That is why I mention this - my boyfriend made fun of me, then left. I was so upset. Lukas _poured his heart out to her_, and Carol went to Doug. So I was pissed because she said that thing about Lukas finding his soulmate, and I’m all like, “Bitch! His soulmate died in the Yugoslav bombing!” How could she? Then that Don Henley song starts playing and Doug is just standing there, and I cried and cried and cried. Could not stop. Remember how he just held her face in his hands? Goodness! My then-boyfriend didn’t understand the _years_ that I have been waiting for this - Carol’s suicide attempt, the almost-wedding to Tad, the Big Kiss, the together again/broken up drama that tore me apart for an hour a week, the time Doug saved the kids in the drain pipe, the dead hooker in his apartment, the twins…all this leading up to that _one damn moment_ that was, and forever will be, the greatest moment ever in television history. The rest of the week (minus Felicity) you can have the stupid remote. But ER - dude, that’s sacred. On another note, I second these: > [@](#): > > 1. I take pleasure in many little things - a flower, a hug, a smile. Don’t look at me strange when I smile at the obscure. I am just waiting for the day I meet a man who points out the way that cloud looks like a little fish _to me_, and not vice versa, and understands how much this means to me. > [@](#): > > 1. You are very important to me but not essential. I am with you because I want to be not because I have to be. > > 2. I will always adore being treated like a lady. I nominate Wyldelf for Newbie of the Year! 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-your-perfect-girl-guy-should-understand-and-not-want-to-change-about-you/41082.md?page=2)