# Things You're Not Likely to Ever Hear on Jeopardy! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 10, 2005, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018 "2005-12-10T06:12:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/21 "2005-12-10T19:05:03Z")
**zamboniracer** “we’ll let that slide just this once.” That’s not what your mother told me last night Trebek !!! ---
**Author:** ![Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8797f3/32.png) [@Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ins_Outs_What-have-yous)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/22 "2005-12-10T19:06:25Z")
Alex: “I’m sorry, but your Final Jeopardy question would have been correct had you written a question mark at the end.” ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/23 "2005-12-10T19:55:05Z")
Food Fight!!! :d ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/24 "2005-12-10T20:11:05Z")
I’d like to buy a vowel, Alex C’mon, big money, big money, no Whammys, no Whammys, _STOP!_ i’ll give you $100 if you have a bobby pin in your purse… ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/25 "2005-12-10T20:56:58Z")
“What is, ‘That’d be _In The Butt_, Bob.’” ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/26 "2005-12-10T21:08:59Z")
“And the next contestant in our College Tournament is Bambi von Trapp from Florida State University. Bambi, it says here your favourite extra-curricular activity is ‘pulling the train’. Tell us about that.” ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/27 "2005-12-10T23:12:00Z")
> [@Rube E. Tewesday](#): > > “And the next contestant in our College Tournament is Bambi von Trapp from Florida State University. Bambi, it says here your favourite extra-curricular activity is ‘pulling the train’. Tell us about that.” This one got me! ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2005, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/28 "2005-12-10T23:15:45Z")
Diarrhea. I’m sorry. What is diarrhea? ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/29 "2005-12-11T01:04:43Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > "Things that ryhmn with ‘urple’ > Yeah, I stole that off SNL. I’ll take Anal Bum Cover for $200. Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen? ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/30 "2005-12-11T03:05:12Z")
> [@interface2x](#): > > Oooh, I’m sorry. The question we were looking for was “Who were the Moops?” The Moops. Interestingly enough, this gag was inspired by a misprint on a _Jeopardy!_ home game. > [@Casey1505](#): > > Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen? Some people have done things like this when they can’t think of an answer. “Carlin’s Seven Dirty Words for $200, Alex.” ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/31 "2005-12-11T03:43:47Z")
I’ll take Famous Abortionists of The 1950s for $800, please. “What is Zyklon-B?” James Jesus Angleton and the CIA for $200, Alex. “What is a dildo?” Poland’s Favorite Pogroms for $400. All right, Trebek. You’re a freaking Canadian. Like we care. Just host the damn game, hoser. “And the contestants who don’t win the grand prize tonight will be taken out and shot on National TV. That should boost our Neilson’s.” ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/32 "2005-12-11T03:46:28Z")
“Yes, Art Fleming _did_ host this better than I do, and, yes, it _is_ a crying shame that virtually no episodes of his version survive” ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/33 "2005-12-11T03:48:09Z")
“Okay put your pens down. Our Final Jeopardy category was “Quantum Mechanics” and the answer was ’ _His equation for the motion of a particle is a relativistic modification of the Schrödinger wave equation._ ’ Mr Hawking you had “Who was Heisenberg?” No, sorry. And how much did you wager? All of it and that brings you to zero. George Dubya you had “Who was Paul Dirac?” That’s correct !!! And you wagered ??? Everything … making you our all-time Celebrity Jeopardy Champion.” ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/34 "2005-12-11T04:04:00Z")
> [@wolf\_meister](#): > > “Okay put your pens down. > Our Final Jeopardy category was “Quantum Mechanics” and the answer was ’ _His equation for the motion of a particle is a relativistic modification of the Schrödinger wave equation._ ’ > Mr Hawking you had “Who was Heisenberg?” > No, sorry. And how much did you wager? All of it and that brings you to zero. > George Dubya you had “Who was Paul Dirac?” That’s correct !!! And you wagered ??? Everything … making you our all-time Celebrity Jeopardy Champion.” "I’m sorry Mr. Bush, I have just been informed the judges have detected some sort of radio receiving device on your back, and your answer has been disallowed. “Our third contestant with $2 has been declared the winner. Congratulations Ms. Spears.” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/35 "2005-12-11T05:10:29Z")
> [@wolf\_meister](#): > > “Okay put your pens down. > Our Final Jeopardy category was “Quantum Mechanics” and the answer was ’ _His equation for the motion of a particle is a relativistic modification of the Schrödinger wave equation._ ’ > Mr Hawking you had “Who was Heisenberg?” > No, sorry. And how much did you wager? All of it and that brings you to zero. > George Dubya you had “Who was Paul Dirac?” That’s correct !!! And you wagered ??? Everything … making you our all-time Celebrity Jeopardy Champion.” No fair! You changed the results by examining them! ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/36 "2005-12-11T06:14:22Z")
**LOL TV time and Bryan Ekers** After Dubya’s Jacket/Listening Device is removed: “Okay Alex, you think I’ve been cheating? Then ask me another question about ‘Quantum Mechanics’. I’m well-prepared for this category - I used to watch that show all the time!!! I know Dr Beckett was limited to using the quantum accelerator to travel to events occuring only within his lifetime.” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/37 "2005-12-11T19:36:05Z")
[Video Clue]“Hi, I’m Robert Blake. Forty years before I was acquitted for killing the sleazy bitch who trapped me into marriage… JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!.. I played killer Perry Smith in the adaptation of this novel by faggot writer Truman Capote, and I didn’t need no f\*ckin’ scene stealing bird to do it!” From the category _Celebrity Closet Cases_ for $800: “He may not have known that the human head weighed eight pounds, but we’ll wager he’d show the money to any “top gun” willing to offer him “risky business” whether Far or Away.” ---
**Author:** ![jasonh300](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@jasonh300](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasonh300)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/38 "2005-12-11T20:19:59Z")
**Sean Connery** : Ill take JAP ANUS RELATIONS for 200. **Alex Trebek** : (numerous double takes between Connery and the board; Connery laughing in the background) I’m sorry that’s Japan US relations. That’s just awful and you know it. and **Alex Trebek** : The word CAT is found under this letter in the Dictionary. (Connery buzzes in). Sean Connery. **Sean Connery** : I believe you’d find it in the R section. **Alex Trebek** : No not In the Rs. **Sean Connery** : Not in the Rs? That’s not what your mother said. [From SNLTranscripts.com](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/04/04sjeopardy.phtml) ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/39 "2005-12-12T02:29:10Z")
Based on the name of a real web site: “I’ll take [‘Whore Presents’](http://www.whorepresents.com/) for $400, Trebek!” ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/40 "2005-12-12T05:35:26Z")
Contestant: I’ll take “Island Residents” for $200, Alex. Alex: What are the natives of the Isle of Lesbos called?\* \*My all-time favorite “Trivial Persuit” question. The answer: “Lesbosians.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018.md?page=3)