# Things You're Not Likely to Ever Hear on Jeopardy! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 10, 2005, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018 "2005-12-10T06:12:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/41 "2005-12-12T05:55:22Z")
> [@bluethree](#): > > “A lot of people out there think I’m the world’s smartest man. I have news for you folks: I read the answer of the fuckin’ card! It’s written right here. When there’s a foreign name or word I rehearse pronouncing it before the show is taped. Okay? I’m just a television personality of average intelligence and I’m paid to look good and act professional. Got that?” [hijack] It’s worse than that. At the end of a show, he goes back and rereads the answers he blew, and they edit the fixed words into the soundtrack. I hope your world is not shattered. 😛 [/hijack] I’ll take sex positions for $400. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/42 "2005-12-12T06:12:11Z")
And our next contestant is Cecil Adams… what the…awww fuck it - what’s the point? Just take whatever money is on the board and go, Cecil… mm ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/43 "2005-12-12T13:25:22Z")
I’ll take “Celebrities in the Closet” for $200, Alex. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/44 "2005-12-12T15:02:52Z")
“When we return, Janet will go first in the Double Jeopardy round because she’s the dumbass.” ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/45 "2005-12-12T16:22:59Z")
“What is a Dirty Sanchez?” ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/46 "2005-12-12T16:52:46Z")
“Yes! That’s right! The answer _is_ ‘Wisconsin!’ Another 50 points for God, and…uh-oh, looks like Norman, our current champion, hasn’t even scored yet.” (©1984 FarWorks, Inc.- I’m not afraid to admit I stole this one from Gary Larson) ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/47 "2005-12-12T17:22:20Z")
“Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?” ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/48 "2005-12-12T17:36:21Z")
“Alex, my buzzer has blood on it.” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/49 "2005-12-12T17:39:10Z")
I’ll take “Network Passwords of top NSA officials for $100,” Alex. ---
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/50 "2005-12-12T17:41:44Z")
**Sean Connery** : I’ll take the rapist for $200. That was my favorite SNL episode, hands down. ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2005, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018/51 "2005-12-12T17:45:57Z")
“Before we begin, a word of explanation about the category ‘Myths and Superstitions’. Each of the correct responses in that category will be an actual belief of a major organized religion.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youre-not-likely-to-ever-hear-on-jeopardy/335018.md?page=2)