# Things you've said to pets that wouldn't work in your dating profile **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2008, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878 "2008-05-03T13:39:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JustThinkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@JustThinkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustThinkin)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/1 "2008-05-03T13:39:12Z")
Last night’s winner at our house: You can sit on my boobs, but no kissy face. (I think this has been done before, but that was too fun not to share.) ---
**Author:** ![hocow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hocow/32/4112_2.png) [@hocow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hocow)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/2 "2008-05-03T14:14:43Z")
“Don’t give me kisses after you just got done licking your butt.” ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/3 "2008-05-03T14:26:52Z")
Shut the HELL up! Jesus! Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow, meow. I get it. Hush. Y’gotta admit, that would kinda turn off a prospective date. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/4 "2008-05-03T14:40:44Z")
“Let’s put on your leash so you don’t get in trouble.” ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/5 "2008-05-03T14:45:30Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] “Let’s put on your leash so you don’t get in trouble.” [/QUOTE] That depends entirely on what section you put the ad in 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/6 "2008-05-03T15:01:52Z")
Kitty, how come you never poop??!! ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/7 "2008-05-03T15:24:33Z")
Nein, schwinehund!!! ---
**Author:** ![WomanofScorn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@WomanofScorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WomanofScorn)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/8 "2008-05-03T15:28:53Z")
“I wish you would hurry up and potty. I know you have to.” ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/9 "2008-05-03T15:29:13Z")
I love you too, Tunabreath, but get your stinky butt out of my face. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/10 "2008-05-03T15:30:44Z")
Dammit T, quit stepping on my balls! ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/11 "2008-05-03T15:56:13Z")
“Sorry 'bout your 'nads.” ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/12 "2008-05-03T15:59:46Z")
Would you mind getting that outta my face?! I don’t want your furry balls touching my chin! ETA: Get your junk out of my face! It’s time to get you snipped, you’re spraying everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/13 "2008-05-03T16:06:40Z")
[QUOTE=JustThinkin’] You can sit on my boobs, but no kissy face. [/QUOTE] Last night for me; I like it when you sit on my chest and lick my beard. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/14 "2008-05-03T16:12:13Z")
“You don’t need to sample everything on my plate; you’ve got your own food.” > [@Chimera](#): > > I like it when you sit on my chest and lick my beard. This is exactly how one of our cats woke me up this morning! ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/15 "2008-05-03T16:24:07Z")
“Who’s a big pussy? Who’s a big furry pussy? What a beautiful pussy!” ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/16 "2008-05-03T16:31:43Z")
“I don’t care how badly you want to drink out of the sink, I have to wash my hands!” ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/17 "2008-05-03T18:31:31Z")
“No thanks, I don’t want a courtesy sniff.” ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/18 "2008-05-03T18:51:26Z")
Why do you want to go outside? It’s freakin’ cold outside! I’ll tell you why you want to go outside. Because you’re an idiot, that’s why. ---
**Author:** ![What\_s\_That\_Smell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3bc359/32.png) [@What\_s\_That\_Smell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_s_That_Smell)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/19 "2008-05-03T18:55:59Z")
“Hey! Furry Butt!” ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/20 "2008-05-03T19:07:35Z")
I don’t care if you want to go to bed, you have to pee and poop first. Don’t give me that look, I know it’s raining. I’m coming too to watch you. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878.md?page=2)