# Things you've said to pets that wouldn't work in your dating profile **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2008, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878 "2008-05-03T13:39:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2008, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/101 "2008-05-14T12:29:35Z")
“Get your sharp little goose beak out of my thigh” (said to border collie who likes to poke with her snout) “I don’t understand you when you whisper” (said to cat who is in to “silent miaowing”) “Stop poking holes in your sister!” (said to feuding dogs) “Okay, enough toe-licking” (to toe-licking dog) ---
**Author:** ![beanpod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9adbd/32.png) [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2008, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/102 "2008-05-14T21:27:39Z")
Come on, why do you always try to escape whenever I let you out of your cage? ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2008, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/103 "2008-05-14T23:31:33Z")
Do you two _have_ to climb up my back every time I lean forward? ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2008, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/104 "2008-05-14T23:44:40Z")
“Hold still so I can get that worm out of your ass” ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2008, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/105 "2008-05-14T23:51:24Z")
Who’s a little 'ho? Hmmmmm? Who’s a little 'ho? (Our female dog loves people, esp. men) Oh, and just now, to the stupid one: Would you PLEASE stop trying to hump your sister? ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/106 "2008-06-02T20:18:23Z")
“OW! Stop walking on my nuts!” “Must you stick your butt in my face?” ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/107 "2008-06-03T03:57:44Z")
[QUOTE=ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness] “Hold still so I can get that worm out of your ass” [/QUOTE] I don’t know how I missed the posting of this, but I’m kinda grateful I did… And I’ll add: “Get your face out of my crotch!” Pets can be such [Austin Powers]cheeky monkeys[/Austin Powers]. ---
**Author:** ![Subliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Subliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subliminal)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2008, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/108 "2008-06-04T06:28:17Z")
“Well, if you’d quit crawling all over the place, you wouldn’t fall off, hairball.” “Stop eating my carpet!” “_Look_ at this, you fat orange tub of lard!” “Awww, you have such _pretty_ little white feeties, yes you do!” “God, you need a _bath_, boy.” ---
**Author:** ![Subliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Subliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subliminal)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2008, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/109 "2008-06-04T06:30:09Z")
Oh, and of course, like every other female posting, the obligatory boob comment: “Augh! Good God, those are _sensitive_, fuzzbutt!” ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2008, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/110 "2008-06-04T11:28:12Z")
[QUOTE=Oslo Ostragoth] And I’ll add: “Get your face out of my crotch!” [/QUOTE] Since I now have a kitten who jumps up and down on my face at 6:00a.m.: “Get your crotch out of my face!” ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2008, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/111 "2008-06-04T12:08:13Z")
(uttered while feeding a 2 week old orphaned kitten with a syringe) Suck it, bitch! ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2008, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/112 "2008-06-04T15:15:50Z")
Will you stop whining for food? I just fed you last night. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2008, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878/113 "2008-06-04T15:16:37Z")
How many of these things are people glad that CPS hasn’t heard them say? 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-said-to-pets-that-wouldnt-work-in-your-dating-profile/447878.md?page=5)