# Things you've stuck in your anus on a whim. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 6, 2000, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879 "2000-11-06T01:38:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/21 "2000-11-06T23:12:09Z")
The entire 1980 Topps baseball card set A Wingman Interceptor joystick Billions and billions of stars **waterj2,** but he never noticed, hee hee Two hubcaps from a 1967 Ford Mustang A Shaolin fighting monk The original print of “The French Connection” Two VCR copies of “The French Connection” The entire cast and crew of “The French Connection” My grandmother’s needlepoint Norway Fine china A Turkish rug Many hockey pucks The lyrics to every song in the South Park movie, printed on fine stationery One of those stand-up halogen lamps everyone gets in college A P-38 Lightning A truly astounding number of M&M’s A broadsword Three gallons of 5w30 motor oil A German shepherd Jimi Hendrix’s rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” Angst And I did it all for free. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/22 "2000-11-06T23:16:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by aha \* > \*\*My finger… but it wasn’t on a whim it was accidently. I was using a glossy page out of a magazine for toliet paper. \*\* Uh…thanks AHA. I’ll never be able to look at a glossy magazine again!! ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/23 "2000-11-07T00:44:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chronolicht \* > \*\*I had a French bullet train drive right up my ass once. I stood there on purpose. Does that count? \*\* It sure does count. However: a GTV is a sporty [Alfa Romeo](http://www.auho.com/autopics/Gallery/Alfa-RomeoGTV/Alfa-RomeoGTV1.jpg). The high speed train you’re referring to is the TGV, short for _Train a Grande Vitesse_. We now return you to our normally scheduled “Shove Objects Up Your Rectum Contest”, or SOUYRC. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/24 "2000-11-07T00:52:52Z")
Hey, Cold’ems, can you shove that Clogcock of yours up your own ass? 😃 It’s long enough, from what you tell us. ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/25 "2000-11-07T04:35:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RickJay \* > \*\*The entire 1980 Topps baseball card set > A Wingman Interceptor joystick > > \*\* This scares me because… 1. I own a 1980 Topps baseball card set… and B. I just started last week Tech Support for that company!!! GACK!!! ---
**Author:** ![tshirts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@tshirts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tshirts)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/26 "2000-11-07T04:40:58Z")
I once used to end of a wooden spoon to help when I was crippled over in pain and desperate with constipation. (It didn’t help, and I was taken to an emergency room for “irrigation”, with battery acid it seemed. What? Too real. I meant the entire 1980 Topps baseball card set. Yeah! And it fixed up my medical problem right away! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/27 "2000-11-07T04:53:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by magdalene \* > \*\*Whammo, taking things past the point of funny, as usual. \*\* I know… I’m sorry… I am not funny and very unoriginal, I’m sorry. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/28 "2000-11-07T07:22:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Billdo \* > \*\*I know that I have trouble inserting more than, say, football, four grapefruits, a Korean War-era Jeep, three window screens, the collected works of Shakespeare, and a small family of armadillos in my ass at the same time. Perhaps you have more experience and training at this than I do. \*\* Thanks for the biggest laugh I’ve had in a long time. I’ve never put anything major up my ass just because it’s rather boring . . . although I did manage 12 or so marbles once. And some buttons, and some straws, and quarters (coins of all sizes, really) . . . but not all of these things at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/29 "2000-11-07T14:12:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Whammo \* > B. I just started last week Tech Support for that company!!! GACK!!! “Hello, Tech Support?” “Yes?” “My… uh… [sub]I seem to have inserted your product up my ass.[/sub]” “Please hold, sir.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/30 "2000-11-07T18:10:56Z")
This is a slight hijack but I work in a hospital, what follows is a partial list of objects that have been removed from various rectums by our emergency room and surgery personnel, and the excuses offered for their being there. A pager, still paging—“I have no idea how that got there” A large bottle of bingo ink-dauber with a condom on it “Some guys held me down in the parking lot and put that there” A light bulb, large end first “See my boyfriend and I were just messing around” BTW this unfortunate person ended up with a colostomy after the thing broke from the force of her bearing down so hard trying to pass it. A Sear’s craftman wrench “I was at this frat party last weekend and when I woke up my butt hurt, now today when I was taking a shit \*this thing[i/] came half-way out but is now stuck, I’m afraid to pull on it.” An entire 10 inch vibrator, still buzzing, “I accidently sat down on it, I left it on the bed from the night before” Too many cucumber, and carrots to count. ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/31 "2000-11-07T19:07:26Z")
> [@](#): > > A pager, still paging—“I have no idea how that got there” I know, I know! “Harold, if you don’t shut that pager off I swear I’ll…” By the way, I think we found our next Olympic Event. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/32 "2000-11-07T19:23:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by John Corrado \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Whammo \* > > B. I just started last week Tech Support for that company!!! GACK!!! > > “Hello, Tech Support?” > > “Yes?” > > “My… uh… [sub]I seem to have inserted your product up my ass.[/sub]” > > “Please hold, sir.” \*\* Wow… they DO tape-record those calls for quality purposes! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/33 "2000-11-07T19:40:05Z")
Wasn’t there an Onion article about this? What the Hell did I cram in My Anus Last Night? [http://www.theonion.com/onion3605/cram\_in\_my\_anus.html](http://www.theonion.com/onion3605/cram_in_my_anus.html) My cat, Noel, frequently sticks her nose up Misty’s furry little butt! ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/34 "2000-11-07T21:04:30Z")
{ahem} A penis, attached to a man named Huy. And indeed, it was rather spur of the moment. But only once. {ahem} That is all. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/35 "2000-11-07T21:17:09Z")
My drum key… Ewww, wait I have to use that now!!! ---
**Author:** ![jmullaney](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@jmullaney](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmullaney)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/36 "2000-11-12T00:35:40Z")
19,000 double punched ballots 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/37 "2000-11-12T05:56:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jmullaney \* > \*\*19,000 double punched ballots 😃 \*\* Yes, but did you enjoy the ‘hanging chads’? ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/38 "2000-11-12T06:48:43Z")
\ " It seems your manager didn’t realize that here in Europe we use 220v instaed of 110. We found him impailed on a large electric device. ( he holds up a power dildo called the “anal intruder” that actually looks like a small jackhammer) Our doctors did all they could…but it took them more then 2 hours just to get the smile off his face." ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/39 "2000-11-12T08:09:29Z")
> [@](#): > > A pager, still paging—“I have no idea how that got there” Actually, I know a guy who did this… he kept paging himself while it was in there (supposedly, it “ripped” him). Oh, did I mention that drugs were involved? (And when I say “I know a guy…” I’m not referring to me. Not that I wouldn’t put a pager up my butt, it’s just that I’ve never owned a pager.) ---
**Author:** ![echidnasarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e99b99/32.png) [@echidnasarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echidnasarf)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879/40 "2000-11-12T16:51:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sk8rixtx \* > \*\*My drum key… Ewww, wait I have to use that now!!! \*\* My drum sticks … Ewww, wait I have to use those now!!! Were you blond the snare drummer at the end of the line? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-youve-stuck-in-your-anus-on-a-whim/39879.md?page=3)