# Think back to the first person you had sex with. Were the two of you in love? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 21, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309 "2011-06-21T17:04:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/1 "2011-06-21T17:04:53Z")
This seems a remarkably simple question. Naturally, being me, I’ll overcomplicate it. 🙂 Answer the question in four senses. 1. At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate? 2. At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you? 3. In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate? 4. In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you? No auto-poll. Partly because I’m not interested in differentiating between male/female & gay/straight responses, but mostly because I can’t be arsed. If you feel comfortable giving the approximate time between them and now, I’d be grateful; that said, I don’t really care about your ages, either now or at loss of virginity. Also – and I realize I’m courting a pitting here – I’m only interested in talking about the first time you had sex voluntarily. I should think the reasons are obvious, but I thought I’d make it explicit anyway. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/2 "2011-06-21T17:09:15Z")
1. Oh, yes. 2. Absofuckinglutely 3. I was as in love as any 18-year-old could possible be. 4. Yeah, I do. He was devastated when I broke up with him a couple years later. It was … _counts on fingers … then toes_ … about exactly thirteen years ago. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/3 "2011-06-21T17:10:04Z")
At the time, I did not think I was in love with him, and I do not think he was in love with me. That later changed, however. ---
**Author:** ![antonio107](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ea924/32.png) [@antonio107](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antonio107)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/4 "2011-06-21T17:10:14Z")
Maybe, maybe, no, no. There’s really no positive spin on that; the impetuousness of youth, I suppose…:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/5 "2011-06-21T17:11:12Z")
No on all counts. It was straight-up lust and it was awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/6 "2011-06-21T17:19:59Z")
Yes on all four. He was my high school sweetheart, now he’s my husband. 11 years (in August) married, 18 years together. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/7 "2011-06-21T17:20:41Z")
Define “sex.” 😃 I’ll go with first all-naked-fun-time experience, which did not actually involve penis-in-vagina intercourse - love was not involved on either person’s part at any time. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/8 "2011-06-21T17:23:24Z")
No to all questions. The only interactions we ever had were sexual. I knew her first name. I knew nothing else about her. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/9 "2011-06-21T17:24:54Z")
Yes. Yes. No. No. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/10 "2011-06-21T17:25:38Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Define “sex.” 😃 I didn’t define sex on purpose, as I couldn’t think of a brief way to do so that please everyone. Y’all can all judge for your ownselves what having sex meant. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/11 "2011-06-21T17:26:52Z")
She was in love with me, or so she thought. I was in love with the the fact I got to finally have sex. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/12 "2011-06-21T17:27:08Z")
> [@Beadalin](#): > > No on all counts. It was straight-up lust and it was awesome. Same here. I wish him well, that’s all the feelings I have for him. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/13 "2011-06-21T17:27:27Z")
) At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate? 2) At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you? 3) In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate? 4) In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you? No to all four. We pretty much went into it as FWB. Later it evolved into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing but at no time was there discussion of love or commitment or whatnot. And it pretty much ended when she graduated high school the year before me. Thinking…27 years ago? Something close to that. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/14 "2011-06-21T17:29:59Z")
Yes to all. I’m a romantic. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/15 "2011-06-21T17:30:44Z")
Sort of. We had been best friends for many years, had known one another since kindergarten, and loved one another the way you love your best friend. We were not “in love” the way you love your spouse but there was a lot of love there just the same. It was lovely to lose my virginity to a man I trusted absolutely and even though we have drifted apart over the years I still think the whole experience was wonderful. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/16 "2011-06-21T17:32:30Z")
> [@Beadalin](#): > > No on all counts. It was straight-up lust and it was awesome. Bingo. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/17 "2011-06-21T17:35:07Z")
All no’s for me. ---
**Author:** ![xkit0katx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/50afbb/32.png) [@xkit0katx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xkit0katx)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/18 "2011-06-21T17:41:19Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > 1. At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate? > 2. At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you? > 3. In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate? > 4. In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you? 1. Oh yes, this was my _soulmate_!!! 2. See above times ten million 3. No, it was a combination of a highly charged libido, loneliness, and an immature view of the relationship between physical love and emotional love 4. In his own, needy, possessive way, yeah I think he was It’ll be three years this fall, and my oh my does that feel like a lifetime… ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/19 "2011-06-21T17:41:53Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > I’ll go with first all-naked-fun-time experience, which did not actually involve penis-in-vagina intercourse - love was not involved on either person’s part at any time. Forgot the follow-up question buried later in the post - this was about 20 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/20 "2011-06-21T17:42:05Z")
No, maybe, no and no. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309.md?page=2)