# Think back to the first person you had sex with. Were the two of you in love? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 21, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309 "2011-06-21T17:04:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/41 "2011-06-21T18:32:38Z")
Sorry, didn’t see the “how long ago” thing. I was 18, so that’s (eep!) 16 years ago now. Oof. Time does fly, no? ---
**Author:** ![Giltathriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b38774/32.png) [@Giltathriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giltathriel)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/42 "2011-06-21T18:32:47Z")
No and no. I was almost 25, so possibly more rational about love than the average 17 year old. Or not. We had been dating for a few months, so we were certainly attracted to each other and cared about each other, but I don’t think either of us would have called it love yet. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/43 "2011-06-21T18:36:59Z")
We were High School seniors, 1967. Deeply in love (for 17-year olds), were going to get married and have babies, etc etc. The progression from chaste kissing to hot teenage sex took about two months. We lasted another four months before splitting up. . ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/44 "2011-06-21T18:38:59Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate? Yes. > [@](#): > > 1. At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you? Yes > [@](#): > > 1. In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate? No. I was way too young to have any idea about love. > [@](#): > > 1. In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you? Oh, goodness no. He was somewhat of a predator. In retrospect, I’m actually creeped out by it. I mentioned that I was young – he was five years older than me and really, knew damn well what he was up to was inappropriate. This was 27 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/45 "2011-06-21T18:44:33Z")
It was 23 years ago this summer. I don’t know that we were “in love,” but we were on our way there. And I was pretty much ready to give it up already (I was 21), and he seemed like a good choice that I wouldn’t regret later. Been married 21 years next month. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/46 "2011-06-21T18:48:53Z")
1. At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate? **yes** 2. At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you? **yes** 3. In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate? **Yes. Although my definition of love has matured and changed, as I have since then, my feelings were what they were at the time. I wouldn’t presume to engage in mental revisionism.** 4. In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you? **yes** **It was about 6 years ago.** ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/47 "2011-06-21T18:49:53Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > 1. At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate? > 2. At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you? > 3. In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate? > 4. In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you? Yes to all of the above. Head over heels. I never want to be in love like that again, actually, and I don’t think I can be. I like to think I’ve gotten beyond my teenage years. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/48 "2011-06-21T18:54:21Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Yes to all of the above. Head over heels. I never want to be in love like that again, actually, and I don’t think I can be. I like to think I’ve gotten beyond my teenage years. If it’s not too personal, may I ask what it was about that sort of love that you judge undesirable? ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/49 "2011-06-21T18:57:37Z")
1. No 2. No 3. No 4. No I think I’ll leave it at that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/50 "2011-06-21T19:05:28Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > If it’s not too personal, may I ask what it was about that sort of love that you judge undesirable? I knew you’d ask, actually. 🙂 I would have been kind of disappointed if you didn’t. We never questioned each other. We never argued or fought. We were crazy in love but it was a subjugation of our personalities, an immersion in each other. Sometimes I felt like I was drowning…only I didn’t realize it until later. ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/51 "2011-06-21T19:05:48Z")
1. At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate? **I thought I was pretty close to loving him, but the feelings I had weren’t mutual. Because of that and some hurtful things he had done before that, I wasn’t completely in love with him.** 2. At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you? **No, I knew he wasn’t.** 3. In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate? **The feelings from that time were confusing when they occurred, and even more so now. He was bad for me and didn’t give me the respect he should have, but I had feelings for him even though I knew better. I don’t know if it was love or just really strong infatuation.** 4. In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you? **He wasn’t.** ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/52 "2011-06-21T19:17:43Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > 1. At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate? > 2. At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you? > 3. In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate? > 4. In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you? 1. I loved him, and still do, but was never “in love” with him. 2. Similar answer. We’re still friends, but he never “fell in love” with me either. 3. No. 4. No. That was… Wow, 24 years ago? Really?! I was 18, he was more experienced, and a couple of years older than I was/am. All in all, satisfying, not too dramatic, pleasant. ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/53 "2011-06-21T19:18:15Z")
“1) At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate?” Hell yes. “2) At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you?” Yep (we were kids, admittedly, so we didn’t know what the hell we were talking about). “3) In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate?” Sure – it felt real. And the sex was, for a teenaged man-boy, pretty damned good, so it kept me … don’t say it … back for more. “4) In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you?” Sure – but she wasn’t exactly a scholar, and I doubt she had any idea what was going on in her little emotionally-immature brain. Neither did I, to be fair to her, so apply that answer to super answers above. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/54 "2011-06-21T19:24:05Z")
1. No 2. No 3. No 4. No We were just two kids fooling around in the back of my car. I can’t even remember her name. I doubt she remembers mine. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/55 "2011-06-21T19:40:19Z")
Yes to all counts for the actual “had sex” event. Granted it was “young person” love where you later look back and shake your head but it was sincere. Prior to that, we had regular acts of lust that still would have allowed her to wear white to her wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/56 "2011-06-21T20:14:04Z")
Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Still are, as a matter of fact. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![theater\_in\_a\_crowded\_fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aca169/32.png) [@theater\_in\_a\_crowded\_fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/theater_in_a_crowded_fire)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/57 "2011-06-21T20:45:35Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > 1. At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate? > 2. At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you? > 3. In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate? > 4. In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you? Yes to all of the above. We were both virgins on our wedding night. Next February will be 9 years very happily married. While we had done a bit of fooling around before that night, it never went to a point that I would have called it sex. I’m under no illusions that our experience would be considered normal, or even desirable, to most people but it worked for us and I have no regrets. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/58 "2011-06-21T20:55:30Z")
Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes. Still married to her. ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/59 "2011-06-21T21:10:06Z")
1. At the time, did you believe you were in love with that first bedmate? **No** 2. At the time, did you believe that person was in love with you? **Yes** 3. In retrospect, do you still believe you were in love with that first bedmate? **No** 4. In retrospect, do you still believe that person was in love with you? **No** ---
**Author:** ![Commander\_Fortune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Commander\_Fortune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Commander_Fortune)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309/60 "2011-06-21T21:13:59Z")
no no no no It was 1982. He was a boy I’d been friends with for as long as I can remember. Our families were close and socialized together a lot. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/think-back-to-the-first-person-you-had-sex-with-were-the-two-of-you-in-love/586309.md?page=4)