Thinking of getting into the dating pool again

I had felt like that for several years as well. It’s because of the pandemic and the disappearance of my social life that I am considering this. Maybe once I am comfortable getting out again, I might revert to that feeling. But it’s probably worth a try either way.

@Cumberdale Despite the back and forth in this thread, it is worth it and I encourage you to give it a try. There are many, many successes for people in your (our!) age group. I’ve never regretted dating, I’ve made really great friends doing it. I’ve had an LTR that lasted 1.5 years but that it didn’t ultimately work out isn’t an indictment of dating, and I’m getting out there again. Please do give it a try.

Thanks. I do plan to give one a try. If it doesn’t work, no big deal. Just trying to decide which service to use.

I prefer OKCupid myself, @Cumberdale. Haven’t tried match or eharmony, but haven’t needed to as OKC suits my personality in a number of ways. For starters, there are hundreds of questions which go into making a match score and, as a general rule, while people you meet with a 90% or above compatibility score may not generate a romantic match, you will meet people with similar tastes and interests. Also, compared to Tinder (at least here in San Antonio), there are a lot more options.

I have been on several and I found my current and previous long term relationships on Match. I also met some good women on Bumble. Some of the others were awful. I’m someone who is not good at meeting people and my friends are awful at setting anyone up. If it wasn’t for online I would be celibate since my divorce.

I had a few women friends try to set me up. It was quickly evident that they have no idea what men want. Picking names out of a hat would be more effective. One in particular had only two criteria, she knew both of us and we were both single. She took nothing else into account. In her defense she was bad with other women too. She tried to set her sister up with a guy with an extensive history of being a crack head.

When were you last on OKCupid? It used to be great but it went completely to shit and lost all of its character after they were purchased by match.

3 months ago or so… the account is now on hiatus as I am in a committed relationship.

Dating over 40 is like going to a TJ Max. It’s not the freshest selection. It’s a lot of last year’s styles and a lot of odd sizes. And even if you bring something home, you won’t know exactly what’s wrong until you’ve had it on you a couple of times.

As I (sort of) said above, there’s no ‘best’ site. You want to be on whatever site(s) people in your area are using, which maybe completely different in some other town. Get recommendations from other local, single people you know.

I think these are called friendships, and bumble does have a “BFF” feature. Oddly it looks like the friend swiping only shows you people that are the same gender as you.

That’s because women actually want to find friends to do things with - have coffee in a cute cafe, go for a walk, visit a garden center, put on dinner parties or just cook and eat together, and hopefully the friendship will ‘take’ and someday you’ll still have a friend who will help you out when you get older.

Men want women to wait on them, and they want women to stik the dik in. Arm candy to parade around if the men are rich enough.

Wow, that’s… not at all misandrist. :roll_eyes:

I’m a man and most of my friends are women. Men are shit at making friends, even with other men, and women mostly aren’t. That doesn’t mean men don’t want or have friends or can’t have a friendship with a woman. They can and do.

From your description, you also seem to view friendship as entirely transactional - “a friend who will help you out when you get older” - just as you accuse men of treating women transactionally.

I understand what you are saying here, but this is terrible advise. If everyone followed it, no one would meet.

There are things that are tell tale marks of a scammer. The use of English is one of the first ones you will notice. If it is awful, or just feels “off” it’s likely a scammer. If it starts with dear beautiful lovely, or something like that, it’s a scammer. If they are widowed, likely a scammer.

I weed through those pretty easily, the rest are possibly old inactive accounts. Or, people who are just looking for someone to trade pictures and naughty texts with. Finding someone who is actually looking to meet is harder. And as others have said, it’s a numbers game. I have also come to the conclusion that they don’t show you anyone local, because if you were to find someone, they lose two paying customers.

The free ones (plentyoffish and okcupid) are crap. I haven’t tried tinder, hinge (or grinder if one is gay.) My sense of those, is that they are strictly for hookups.

Having said all of that, you can meet someone and it can work out. But you have to wade through a whole lot of BS or be extremely lucky.

If you do decide to pursue it, get some good pictures. Don’t post something that is not current (unless there is a reason to) post more than one, and show a full body shot. Fill out the profile honestly and fully.

I was specifically replying to someone who specifically mentioned not wanting to complicate things with sex. Maybe I misinterpreted.

Beyond that I have no idea where anything you just said came from, and I’m not sure I want to know.

Huh, I wouldn’t have thought of that one (having dated a widow exclusively for 19 months). How do you figure?

I knew I’d be hearing this from someone. :roll_eyes: …do you think I’m lying or making this up? I am telling you my experience, and that of my two friends and a relative. We are of a certain age, divorced or widowed, our old friends and most relatives are gone, dead, disabled, moved, got their own shit going on. but even in a pandemic we try, and what very few men we’ve met in the neighborhood have turned out to be selfish, self-centered, spoiled, or want a side order of benefits along with that friend stuff. Friend’s next door neighbor, she knew for 3 years, came over one night and tried to rape her. Another man told me, ‘why is your book club group so fat? I feel like I’m standing in a barnyard.’…As for ‘using’ people, what do you think we make friends FOR if not to help each other, to be there for each other? Women living alone are vulnerable and sometimes feel helpless and isolated. We don’t make friends to just sit and drink tea and gossip with, we want someone to call in an emergency, to visit us in the hospital, bring us a meal when we break a leg. If they need a ride, I will do my best to take them. If my relative’s mother dies, I will be there to help her through the funeral… Maybe YOU have a big jolly loving family and troops of merry close buddies. A lot of us don’t, hence the urge to reach out to others. Women are good at it. Men have proved to be very disappointing long-term, only caring about food, sports, and nooky. IMO. YMMV.

I have yet to talk to a “widower” that wasn’t a scammer. You get a feel for the scammer thing, it is hard to describe. The only one that I believe was a widower, his only pictures were taken at his wife’s funeral, with the casket in view. It had to have been recent because everyone was wearing a mask.

Disagree with “three.” Have as many as dealbreakers as you can think of, if they’re really deal-breakers. if you’re allergic to pet dander, for example, what’s the point of making yourself out to be pet-friendly? If you’re fiercely atheistic, and can barely tolerate the presence of a religious person, why even contact someone who identifies as a Christian and mentions Jesus six times in her dating profile?

Admittedly, having a bunch of deal-breakers severely reduces the pool of potential dates–but there are literally millions of potential dates out there. Your job, as I see it, is to eliminate all those that are incompatible with you, not to make excuses for them and try to package yourself as something other than what you are. You might get more “dates” that way, but why? You’ll also get much, much, much, much more grief.

If you are looking for a monogamous relationship, the ultimate goal is to weed out all but 1