# This board just bummed me out **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 16, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413 "2013-01-16T20:03:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![smaje1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@smaje1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smaje1)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/21 "2013-01-16T23:24:00Z")
I had been under the impression that the General Questions wouldn’t be snarky, considering it dealty more with facts than opinions. **Lesson learned** – the mod even told me I should have expected snark. I now shall expect snark wherever I go on this board, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I should have taken more time formulating the question. But at the time I asked it, I didn’t really realize what kind of question I needed to ask. I would have been eternally grateful if someone had gently pointed that out to me. Instead, I felt completely pounced on and told that my question was pretty much stupid. Yeah, I’m sensitive – it made \*me \*feel stupid. It was like I had walked into a bus station in an unknown town and asked what time the bus to Vegas left, and a handful of people jumped down my throat and said, “Hey, dipshit! There IS no bus to Vegas leaving out of here! What are you, stupid???” That’s seriously what it felt like to me. And you can tell me to be less sensitive, but I won’t, because thanks to my sensitivity, I try my hardest not to make others feel the way I felt. This world needs sensitive people, yo. **Lesson learned** – do a better job of phrasing my question and determining the right forum in which to place it. I did receive some insightful answers, but the initial response from folks like panache45 immediately and completely soured me on the whole thing. So, to sum up, I can’t change the way folks respond on this board. But I’m prefectly fine letting it be known that my feelings were hurt. I don’t plan on changing my own level of sensitivity to such snark, because I’m happy being a sensitive person. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/22 "2013-01-16T23:25:00Z")
There are indeed some jerks on this board, who will gladly show you their ass with little provocation. On the other hand, we really do like concise, clear posts and OPs. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/23 "2013-01-16T23:27:54Z")
It behooves me to say something here. I was having a lot of trouble with the original question (the Western bias and the entire concept of anything “official”), and in retrospect I did come off as somewhat “snarky.” That wasn’t my intention, and I apologize. I once started a thread about something I had just experienced, and I happened to mention something that I had considered a small detail. Everyone jumped on that detail, pretty much ignoring the rest, and made me feel like a total idiot. But they were right. That small detail was one of the most relevant issues. That wasn’t by any means an isolated event; it happens to all of us, again and again. I hope you stick around, and learn to not get too bummed out by these things. ---
**Author:** ![smaje1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@smaje1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smaje1)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/24 "2013-01-16T23:33:22Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > It behooves me to say something here. I was having a lot of trouble with the original question (the Western bias and the entire concept of anything “official”), and in retrospect I did come off as somewhat “snarky.” That wasn’t my intention, and I apologize. > > I once started a thread about something I had just experienced, and I happened to mention something that I had considered a small detail. Everyone jumped on that detail, pretty much ignoring the rest, and made me feel like a total idiot. But they were right. That small detail was one of the most relevant issues. > > That wasn’t by any means an isolated event; it happens to all of us, again and again. I hope you stick around, and learn to not get too bummed out by these things. Thanks, dude. That actually makes me feel a lot better. And you’re totally right about the details being so important. I definitely want to stick around, because I feel like I’ve gotten a lot from this board and I also feel like I’ve given a lot to this board (like moral support, humor, facts, and opinions). I hope to use this experience as a learning experience, both for myself and other posters. Some people might be inclined to bail from these boards because they feel abused, and I know that I’m going to make a point to be a little nice and a little more sensitive to others (both on the interwebz and in real life) because of this incident. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/25 "2013-01-16T23:33:37Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > It behooves me to say something here. I was having a lot of trouble with the original question (the Western bias and the entire concept of anything “official”), and in retrospect I did come off as somewhat “snarky.” That wasn’t my intention, and I apologize. > > […] > > That wasn’t by any means an isolated event; it happens to all of us, again and again. I hope you stick around, and learn to not get too bummed out by these things. You’re a real gent 🙂 I thought it was a little unlike you. ---
**Author:** ![TheChileanBlob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thechileanblob/32/435_2.png) [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/26 "2013-01-16T23:34:04Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > And you can tell me to be less sensitive, but I won’t, because thanks to my sensitivity, I try my hardest not to make others feel the way I felt. This world needs sensitive people, yo. QFT ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/27 "2013-01-16T23:36:14Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > Does any of this have to do with the thread linked into the OP? I don’t think the OP was complaining about obscene replies. OP began with the words “I had a question.” Did you catch that? I was merely informing OP of the highly restricted subjects about which he is likely to obtain relevant answers. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/28 "2013-01-17T00:00:21Z")
People were giving you metaphorical answers but you have to realize it was a metaphorical question. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/29 "2013-01-17T00:29:07Z")
I had no problem with the question and have no idea why people got their panties in a bunch. Hope you at least got a suitable answer, smaje! 🙂 I’ve gotten jumped on, too, for completely innocent things. It’s sad that people automatically assume the worst. I reply, but I don’t start threads. ---
**Author:** ![smaje1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@smaje1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smaje1)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/30 "2013-01-17T00:50:47Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > I had no problem with the question and have no idea why people got their panties in a bunch. Hope you at least got a suitable answer, smaje! 🙂 > > I’ve gotten jumped on, too, for completely innocent things. It’s sad that people automatically assume the worst. I reply, but I don’t start threads. Once I figured out the question I really did mean to ask (“Can anyone provide me examples in Western literature where the moon and sun are referred to as either “he” or “she” – i.e., assigned genders – and if so, are these assigned genders typically consistent or arbitrary?”), I was actually able to turn to some real-life co-workers that helped me find such instances. In my case, I determined that it would behoove me to refer to the sun as male and the moon as female. But the discussion that continued after I ditched my original OP due to high levels of snark has been really interesting. The sun and moon have often been assigned genders (sometimes based on language alone, like how the moon in feminine in French because it’s LA lune) but it greatly differs across cultures. Again, if I learned one thing from the experience, it is to think about my questions better before I ask them (and then post them in the correct forum). In my own defense, I didn’t realize at the time that my question was so unclear (see my bus station analogy above). ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/31 "2013-01-17T01:12:18Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Your question, as originally asked, was literally unanswerable. You’ve got to accept a big chunk of responsibility for that. You didn’t provide any kind of context or direction, leaving hundreds of different directions for people to go in. People asked for clarification, but while waiting for it, it’s like high school kids in a classroom without a teacher - people started amusing themselves. People start flinging erasers around and pulling each others’ hair. Occasionally some damage is done, but it’s all without malice - just bored people making each other laugh. That’s what this place is like. > > You need to dial down your offense-o-meter about thirty percent. Couldn’t have said it better myself. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/32 "2013-01-17T01:13:35Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > Unfortunately this chat room is in the process of irreversible intellectual decline- a sort of Gresham’s Law of threads and posts, as it were. Ever since March 2011. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/33 "2013-01-17T01:18:06Z")
A lot of my posts get a less than warm reception. I just figure the audience is not in tune to my interests in a lot of areas. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/34 "2013-01-17T01:26:28Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > I had been under the impression that the General Questions wouldn’t be snarky, considering it dealty more with facts than opinions. > **Lesson learned** – the mod even told me I should have expected snark. I now shall expect snark wherever I go on this board, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. "Common Snarks do no manner of harm, yet, I feel it my duty to say, some are Boojums —” > [@panache45](#): > > It behooves me to say something here. I was having a lot of trouble with the original question (the Western bias and the entire concept of anything “official”), and in retrospect I did come off as somewhat “snarky.” That wasn’t my intention, and I apologize. I’m tempted to just say “+1” to this. I, like others, wanted clarification about what you were after, but the way I said so may have come across as overly flippant or snarky. In defense of myself and others who may have come across as snarky, intentionally or unintentionally, Cecil Adams’s Straight Dope columns are written in a style that is frequently not without some element of snark, and that may well do something toward setting the tone for GQ and the rest of the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/35 "2013-01-17T01:37:15Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > I had no problem with the question and have no idea why people got their panties in a bunch. Hope you at least got a suitable answer, smaje! 🙂 > > I’ve gotten jumped on, too, for completely innocent things. It’s sad that people automatically assume the worst. I reply, but I don’t start threads. Agreed. The original question was perfectly reasonable, even if it is indeed the case that there is no clear answer, and the snark was quite uncalled for. There has been a lot of fuss about OP’s use of the word “official”, but it did not appear in the actual OP, and when used later was clearly figurative or even tongue-in-cheek. Nevertheless, **smaje1** was being snarked as though she really believed ther was some official body to rule on such things. The level of snark quickly got in the way of trying to give a useful answer (and I believe a useful, even if not definitive, one should have been quite possible: in the intellectual mainstream of “western” culture, yes, the Moon is usually associated with feminine deities and the Sun with masculine ones). Frankly, what disgusted me most was the mod reaction: when another poster stepped in to upbraid the snarkers, and then got an “official” slapdown for her pains. That was very poor modding in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/36 "2013-01-17T01:50:59Z")
The bigger the asshole, the louder they are on these boards, hon. Don’t take it personally. I thought it was a good question. ---
**Author:** ![SirGalahad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@SirGalahad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirGalahad)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/37 "2013-01-17T01:51:24Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > Once I figured out the question I really did mean to ask (“Can anyone provide me examples in Western literature where the moon and sun are referred to as either “he” or “she” – i.e., assigned genders – and if so, are these assigned genders typically consistent or arbitrary?”), I was actually able to turn to some real-life co-workers that helped me find such instances. In my case, I determined that it would behoove me to refer to the sun as male and the moon as female. > > But the discussion that continued after I ditched my original OP due to high levels of snark has been really interesting. The sun and moon have often been assigned genders (sometimes based on language alone, like how the moon in feminine in French because it’s LA lune) but it greatly differs across cultures. > > Again, if I learned one thing from the experience, it is to think about my questions better before I ask them (and then post them in the correct forum). In my own defense, I didn’t realize at the time that my question was so unclear (see my bus station analogy above). Learning to ask the right question, and ask it clearly, is certainly useful when doing any research; but, a vague or awkward question is hardly cause for mockery. You have nothing to berate yourself for. Keep in mind that many of those who engaged you harshly are enjoying a “Walter Mitty” fantasy life on the message boards, where they revel in imagined displays of erudition and wit, putting the plebeians in their place and displaying rakish repartee, worthy of Oscar Wilde himself. In real life, well, is “nerd” an insult? I don’t want to insult anyone, but, those unkind replies may be the most fun said members have had in a while, and it appears they’re willing to have it at your expense. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/38 "2013-01-17T01:52:50Z")
Looking back at your other thread, it seems perfectly clear to me. Any claims that it’s unclear or unanswerable is pure pedantry. Granted, the SDMB is to pedantry what Texas is to things that are bigger than similar things in other places. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/39 "2013-01-17T02:27:57Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > See this thread: > > [Genders for the Sun and the Moon - Factual Questions - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=679093) > > I had a question. I posted it to General Questions because I thought it was a general question. It was a pretty understandable question in my own mind, probably because I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I was hoping the Dope could help me nail down the right answer (or, as it turned out in this case, the right question to be asking). > > I received snark in return, so I clarified my question. More snark. By that time, I had really figured out the question I needed to be asking (and at that time, I also came to realize that the question would have been better off in Cafe Society, but at the time I posted the question, I just hadn’t realized that). > > Honestly, my feelings got all hurt. It was like turning to a group of friendly acquainstances and getting my head bitten off. > > I’m more frustrated with myself for letting it all get to me. But it just bummed me out. A few folks were kind enough to answer my question as best they could, and for that I’m very appreciative. > > And I know, I know, it’s the Internet and people love being snarky and no one has to be nice. And I should put on my big-girl pants and everything. But it really hurt. I’ve come to really like the interaction on this board, and that just wasn’t the response I was expecting. It’s not enough to pit anyone… but I just want the folks involved to know they hurt my feelings for no good reason. Once I was able to really clarify my question, I realized it was a perfectly good question and some of the people involved made me feel really stupid. > > I’ve got no other place to vent about it, so it’s going here. The same thing happened to me the very first time I asked a question here. Even on a relatively intelligent message board like this one there are still some assholes who want to hurt others. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413/40 "2013-01-17T02:29:42Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Your question, as originally asked, was literally unanswerable. You’ve got to accept a big chunk of responsibility for that. You didn’t provide any kind of context or direction, leaving hundreds of different directions for people to go in. People asked for clarification, but while waiting for it, it’s like high school kids in a classroom without a teacher - people started amusing themselves. People start flinging erasers around and pulling each others’ hair. Occasionally some damage is done, but it’s all without malice - just bored people making each other laugh. That’s what this place is like. > > **You need to dial down your offense-o-meter about thirty percent.** Or maybe people could just treat others with respect. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-board-just-bummed-me-out/647413.md?page=3)