What grinds my gears is that there probably people out there who actually spell “MacKenzie” as “Mykynzy.” Why not just name your kid “Myxyzptlk” and be done with it?
Oh God Oh God Oh God yes. And the parent who treats every command to their toddler as if they’re negotiating the Treaty of Versailles:
“Jimmy, unless you stop going poo-poo in the store aisle, Mommy can’t pay for her groceries. Until we pay for our groceries, we can’t go home and color Easter eggs with Gramma. You want to color Easter eggs with Gramma, don’t you? Jimmy, unless you pull up your pants right now, we’re going to be late.”
He’s a toddler, lady! Just tell him what to do!
But the reason they use clamshell packaging is because they want to sell you a clamshell opener. Which undoubtedly comes in a clamshell package of its own.
I agree with everything said before me, but this | above is awesome!
I am a strong believer in the silly. We need a regular dose of silly to make life worthwhile.
What chaps my arse?
That voice, that bloody evil voice
“Unexplained item in the baggage area”
People who insult their children’s intelligence and/or won’t let them do anything on their own.
Case in point:
I was on the bus one day and there was a little girl (I’m guessing 9) with her mom, and the mom had a baby in a large stroller. They were sitting in the middle of the bus where there’s room for the stroller. The bus had an upper back part with a couple of steps to get to it. The little girl was begging her mom to let her sit at the back (because the back of the bus is the cool part, of course) and the mom kept refusing because she wouldn’t be able to get the stroller up the steps. There were no other passengers at the back. All I could think was, “It’s in the same freakin’ bus! Let the kid go sit there!”
Sheeesh, when I was that kid’s age I only sat beside my mom on the bus if I HAD to.
Hey - your turn signal’s on.
You’re not turning. You’re not changing lanes. You’ve had your blinker on for the last 10 miles.
“Literally”, used to mean “Figuratively”. Nice going, assholes, now we don’t have a word for stuff that’s factually true. And if we were to settle on one, you jerks would just start using it as a generic intensifier, and it would be ruined too.
Businesses that treat the sidewalk as part of their shop floor. Not just on special occasions - that’s fine, but every day. There’s this bike shop I walk past on my way to work every day. When I come home, every day during the summer, they’ve moved about twenty bikes outside onto the 10’x3’ patch of sidewalk, and they (and their ‘customers’, none of whom I’ve ever seen buy anything) are standing around, blocking the way and forcing all the pedestrians into the street. Pisses me off. That’s the sidewalk, it’s a public space, and it’s for people to walk on. Hence the name. GTFO!
I’m not sure why, but imagining someone say this is the funniest thing I’ve done all day. I’m afraid my coworkers are going to ask what I’m laughing at, and I won’t be able to explain. So, thanks for that.
“PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?” /Office Space
I can’t stand how many airlines are moving to an “a la carte” pricing system where you have to pay an additional fee just to carry on your freaking bag. The other day we were on a Spirit flight in which they charged $3.00 for a damn cup of ice water. WATER! I don’t care if the ticket is more expensive, just don’t charge me extra for things which should be available on any flight.
Thanks. Glad it came across in the typing 
I also hate when I am trying to have a conversation with a friend’s toddler kid or my nieces, and everyone answers for the kid. If I’m asking “what did you do today?” I don’t really want to know grammy’s version of what happened today. I want to know what the kid thought they did today. I want to have a conversation with a 4-year-old, I really do. That is why I am talking to them and not you.
Really sucks lately because when I try to talk to my 3-year-old niece, the 5-year-old answers for her, and then my mom answers for the 5-year-old. Argh!
Copiers.
There once was a time you put your document on the glass, closed the top, and pushed the button however many times you needed. What was wrong with that?
Now we’ve got this monstrosity, covered in unmarked buttons that don’t appear to do anything, featuring a touchscreen filled with indecipherable jargon, and a manual as thick as a phone book. I just want to make a fucking copy!
It peeves the heck out of me that Shakes can go to a Whataburger any time he wants. I’d have to drive to Arizona (former Texan now in WA). :mad: 
It peeves me daily that cats don’t listen to you.
A serious peeve - people that block aisles or doorways while they chat with each other.
Cats listen to you. They just do not give a fuzzy fuck what you are saying.
My peeve? People who tell their children repeatedly “if you don’t stop XXX I’m going to YYY” but never do YYY.
Second: companies whose websites were designed by sadists who take great joy in sending the user around in a big circle but never actually allowing the user to find anything. Paypal, I’m looking at you. Extra points if you “improve” the site at least once every two weeks so that the user can never become familiar with any part of it.
And turning on your turn signal just 5 feet before your turn DOES. NOT. COUNT.
There are a lot of older hotels in San Francisco that do this, even expensive ones. When they were built they didn’t see the need to include a porte cochere or anything like that, so the cars line up on the street, and the hotel employees push out these huge carts of luggage all over the sidewalk, and the patrons of the hotel stand around waiting for a cab or whatever. And woe betide any poor pedestrian who just wants to walk by.
These are examples of businesses (and people) who turn their problem into your problem. They don’t have enough room to do business off the sidewalk, so they just take over the sidewalk. They may even have a permit to do some of that (although I think it’s mostly cafes that bother with a permit) or else they’re grandfathered in because they’re a bloody institution around here.
Which reminds me…how about making it easier to get at parts inside computers. I mean, it’s not a dealbreaker right now, but there have been times where it seemed like they were designed to be repaired by toddlers and dwarfs.
Mother: “I’m going to count to three! One!..Two!..”
Kid: “Great stuff, mom. What other tricks do you do?”
I’ve never heard one get to three and it’s one of life’s abiding mysteries as to what actually happens if someone ever gets there. I’m guessing some kind of supernova or a guest disciplinary appearance by Satan.
The procedure for showing students anything from the Internet in two of the classrooms in which I teach regularly:
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Get key to department library from department secretary’s desk.
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Go up the stairs and unlock library.
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Wheel massive computer cart with desktop and projector out of the library into classroom.
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Lock library.
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Go back down the stairs to return key to secretary.
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Go back up the stairs to classroom.
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Plug in computer.
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Turn on computer. (It will take a while to boot up, being very old.)
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Connect ethernet cable to port. Make sure that it is the correct port, because there are two of them but only one actually works.
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Wheel computer cart into position facing screen. (This will involve shifting around various chairs, desks, and podiums, but is best done in the middle of class, because otherwise you will have to teach for the whole period with this massive cart between yourself and the students.)
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Turn on projector. Pray that it works. (There is no way to test this before class, because if you turn on the projector and turn it off without giving it time to cool down, it will DEFINITELY not work when you try to turn it on again.)
… And then, do the whole thing in reverse at the end of the class period.
It is 2014! Why do we not have a functional projector and a laptop cable in every classroom? (Oh yeah, because we’re a state university and we’re broke. Except, apparently, we’re NOT that broke when the president wants to start an athletics program. Grrr.)
And the same thing happens at hotels. $9 for a bottle of water out of the mini-fridge, not to mention that they have the fridge computerized so they will charge you for opening the fridge whether you use it or not. And then they will charge you for restocking the fridge, even though they will then charge the next sap for using what they charged you for putting it in there. And if you need to ask them to hold your luggage until time for you to leave for the airport, they’ll bill you for that.
Kids named Mykynzy. And Madisin, Braydon, Ashtin, Carlee, Destinye, ShyAnne and the like. Fucking morons. Give your kids names that don’t look like you grabbed some random syllables and threw them at a wall. I met a family with kids named Josephine, Alexander and Louisa while on vacation. Now that’s how you name children.
Parents who invariably call their boys “Buddy”. Buddy is a dog’s name, and the kid ain’t your buddy; he’s a young homo sapiens who needs to be taught to be a responsible citizen instead of the whiny little shit you’re raising him to be. Good job, Buddy!