# This damn civilization thing is too complicated! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 15, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856 "2009-06-15T17:44:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2009, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/21 "2009-06-15T21:42:39Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > This word you keep using… I do not think it means what you think it means. You type that using using **advanced technology** , traitor to the cause! Hey traitors to the cause, My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day working in an service and information age society at the end of it’s industrial revolution. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it’s fun making products because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than the industrial revolution. Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was captain of the a bank, and ceo on my own enron. What products do you play, other than “mass produce naked Japanese people”? I also get straight A’s, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just exchanged capital with me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening. Pic Related: It’s me and my bitch ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/22 "2009-06-16T01:06:10Z")
> [@Lightnin](#): > > Three words which I’m sure will convince you that the hunter-gatherer lifestyle just won’t work: > > No. More. Beer. That would be the first problem I would solve. Find a nice field of grain. Build some fermentation vessels and a building I’ll call ‘bar’, caveman for beer. Then I will just wait for others to trade goods for beer. Eventually they will settle down close to my bar and we have ourselves a town. And we are back to civilization. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/23 "2009-06-16T01:42:05Z")
> [@ghardester](#): > > That would be the first problem I would solve. Find a nice field of grain. Build some fermentation vessels and a building I’ll call ‘bar’, caveman for beer. > > Then I will just wait for others to trade goods for beer. Eventually they will settle down close to my bar and we have ourselves a town. And we are back to civilization. I was sure that would happen when I’ve killed myself a wooly mammoth, made me a fedora and three-piece outfit from its fur and preserved the lower 5 inches of his feet to attach and add funky-fresh height to my shoes. After this I’m sure to commandeer all the discerning cave-ladies and, going forward, will offer their feminine wiles to all the lonely, drunk cavemen in exchange for goods. Therefore, I’m sure a town will grow up around my burgeoning enterprise sooner than yours. ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/24 "2009-06-16T03:23:21Z")
[QUOTE=Jack Batty] … or fuck it. Let’s just get oursevles a king. [/QUOTE] I would strongly advise against it…you’ll be repressed, take my word for it. Wouldn’t be prudent… -XT ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/25 "2009-06-16T03:56:26Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > I am hereby declaring it my life’s mission to assfuck every single person who posts in this thread should this benighted Utopia ever be brought to life. So. I take it you’re in favor of same sex… mmmm, everything? Certainly no more marriage to worry about. I suppose people could scratch their names little hearts on big rocks. They would then be the marrying rocks. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/26 "2009-06-16T04:35:21Z")
I’ve got a stockpile of porn that can be enjoyed from behind glass, kinda like the constitution and declaration of independence. Lotion. Got to stockpile skin lotion. Canned chili. Flint and steel. Water cleaning stuff. Generator that will run on alcohol (as gasoline will run out). ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/27 "2009-06-16T15:49:00Z")
Fuck gathering, I call shaman. Y’all go gather, I’ll be in my tent stoned out of my wits. For the good of society. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/28 "2009-06-16T15:51:54Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > I got to admit assfucking that many people might be some people’s version of utopia but you can leave me out. Bring on the loin cloths and spears (I was a javelin thrower in college that finally might be useful) Oh no, no one gets left out. That’s the point. I want to teach people the true meaning of such a savage Utopia. And what better way to do it than non-consentual anal sex? They could come after me, but if they did it in groups they’d already be well on their way to re-establishing civilization. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/29 "2009-06-16T15:53:10Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > So. I take it you’re in favor of same sex… mmmm, everything? > > Certainly no more marriage to worry about. I suppose people could scratch their names little hearts on big rocks. They would then be the marrying rocks. No, it would just be my attempt at alpha dominance over the herd. 😉 You know, man living in his natural state. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/30 "2009-06-16T15:59:38Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > Oh no, no one gets left out. That’s the point. I want to teach people the true meaning of such a savage Utopia. And what better way to do it than non-consentual anal sex? They could come after me, but if they did it in groups they’d already be well on their way to re-establishing civilization. 😉 You do know your testicles are outside your body, vulnerable to gene pool cleansing crushing grips, right? It only takes one guy with a firm handshake to end your rein of ass-terror.If that isn’t enough it just takes one guy hunting and gathering a knife to finish the job. You have to sleep sometime! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/31 "2009-06-16T16:17:46Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > Oh no, no one gets left out. That’s the point. I want to teach people the true meaning of such a savage Utopia. And what better way to do it than non-consentual anal sex? They could come after me, but if they did it in groups they’d already be well on their way to re-establishing civilization. 😉 Even as hunter-gatherers we hunted in groups. Or maybe packs is a better term. Remember, there won’t be any prisons or civil rights. If we catch you, you’ll be dead. Death by Roo Roo! ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/32 "2009-06-16T19:49:24Z")
Guys, guys. One problem with the whole end-of-civilzation-as-we-know-it thing. No toilet paper. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/33 "2009-06-16T19:52:34Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Guys, guys. One problem with the whole end-of-civilzation-as-we-know-it thing. > > No toilet paper. Leaves! They will be cash AND toilet paper! Oddly fitting, when you consider it’s all about the collapse of civilization. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/34 "2009-06-16T19:56:07Z")
Okay, so the guys have it cut out. The girls… well let’s say we’ve got some sanitary needs where leaves won’t suffice. I’m not time-traveling to before the invention of the tampon, either. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/35 "2009-06-16T20:00:37Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Okay, so the guys have it cut out. The girls… well let’s say we’ve got some sanitary needs where leaves won’t suffice. > > I’m not time-traveling to before the invention of the tampon, either. To this women’s concern I say to you what men have said to women throughout history: Huh? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/36 "2009-06-16T20:06:05Z")
Okay, then. Women have special mystic rites, which are essential to the survival of the cosmos (and, as a side effect, induce the fermentation of beer). The ritual, never pleasant at best of times, becomes so much harder for us without certain civilized implements. Think of the [del]children[/del] known universe! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/37 "2009-06-16T20:33:10Z")
> [@malleus](#): > > i’m not time-traveling to before the invention of the tampon, either. Queue! F! T! Not really queue, but it keeps lowercasing the Q if I leave it by itself. :\ ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/38 "2009-06-16T20:47:53Z")
Well, I guess that big knife, machete, and blood hook will come in useful now. And to think they laughed at me when I sharpened them and made a custom belt that allows me to carry them around at all times. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/39 "2009-06-16T20:52:48Z")
Okay, so you’ve got the beer and sex covered. What will you do to replace football on TV??? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/40 "2009-06-16T20:58:33Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > Okay, so you’ve got the beer and sex covered. > > What will you do to replace football on TV??? I will watch neighboring tribes spear each other to death during raids for women and horses. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856.md?page=3)