# This damn civilization thing is too complicated! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 15, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856 "2009-06-15T17:44:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/41 "2009-06-16T21:02:16Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > You do know your testicles are outside your body, vulnerable to gene pool cleansing crushing grips, right? > > It only takes one guy with a firm handshake to end your rein of ass-terror.If that isn’t enough it just takes one guy hunting and gathering a knife to finish the job. You have to sleep sometime! Hey, the packs things works both ways. Who says I won’t have a pack of asshunters? You might know the joys of being assfucked nonconsentually by like 15 of my sweaty mouth-breathers. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/42 "2009-06-16T21:03:57Z")
Can I get one of those really cool post-apocalypse gurkha knife thingies you always see in the movies?? And a cool leather jacket and a mohawk?? -XT ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/43 "2009-06-17T01:08:10Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > Fuck gathering, I call shaman. Y’all go gather, I’ll be in my tent stoned out of my wits. For the good of society. Pfff, you can have that sissy shaman gig. I am the High Priest of Warrior Cult, and I’ll send to you to whatever gods you wish. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/44 "2009-06-17T01:37:52Z")
> [@xtisme](#): > > Can I get one of those really cool post-apocalypse gurkha knife thingies you always see in the movies?? And a cool leather jacket and a mohawk?? > > -XT Hey, there’s no civilization, you don’t need permission! ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/45 "2009-06-17T01:38:46Z")
> [@xtisme](#): > > Can I get one of those really cool post-apocalypse gurkha knife thingies you always see in the movies?? And a cool leather jacket and a mohawk?? > > -XT I’ll definitely sport a mohawk. But rather than running front to back, mine will run from ear to ear. My theory is I will be like those lizards with the skin flaps. It will make me much more scary and intimidating… ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/46 "2009-06-17T03:55:16Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > Pfff, you can have that sissy shaman gig. I am the High Priest of Warrior Cult, and I’ll send to you to whatever gods you wish. Dude, don’t harsh my… I mean, the spirits are all, like, restless and shit. The war will be lost and you warriors won’t… won’t… what was I saying ? Oooh, mammoth jerky, gimme ! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/47 "2009-06-17T07:19:44Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > Hey, the packs things works both ways. Who says I won’t have a pack of asshunters? You might know the joys of being assfucked nonconsentually by like 15 of my sweaty mouth-breathers. 😉 And all 15 of them still have to sleep sometime. A lung shot with some arrows should keep the guards too busy gagging on their own blood to sound the alarm. The rest can wake up tied to the ground near a fire ant hole with sugar cubes rammed up their ass, and down the hole where their sex organs used to be. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/48 "2009-06-17T12:48:08Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > Bring on the loin cloths and spears _Don’t want no bright lights, false teeth, doorbells, landlords I make it clear That no matter how they coax me, I’ll stay right here_\* Louis Prima had the right notion. \*from _Civilization_, not a notably politically correct song. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/49 "2009-06-17T13:35:32Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Okay, so the guys have it cut out. The girls… well let’s say we’ve got some sanitary needs where leaves won’t suffice. > > I’m not time-traveling to before the invention of the tampon, either. Moss then. Or… sand? ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/50 "2009-06-17T14:27:11Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > _Don’t want no bright lights, false teeth, doorbells, landlords > I make it clear > That no matter how they coax me, I’ll stay right here_\* > > Louis Prima had the right notion. > > \*from _Civilization_, not a notably politically correct song. _No phones, no lights, no motorcars Not a single luxury Like Robinson Crusoe As primitive as can be We’re spending most our entire lives In this Amish Paradise_ By Weird Al ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/51 "2009-06-17T15:18:40Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Or… sand? Let me be the first to say… No way in hell! ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/52 "2009-06-17T15:30:46Z")
[QUOTE=Jackmannii] Don’t want no bright lights, false teeth, doorbells, landlords I make it clear That no matter how they coax me, I’ll stay right here\* Louis Prima had the right notion. [/QUOTE] I thought this was the ‘bongo bongo bongo I don’t wanna leave the Congo’ song from Fallout. Was it in Civ as well?? -XT ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/53 "2009-06-17T15:32:54Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > I’ll definitely sport a mohawk. But rather than running front to back, mine will run from ear to ear. > > My theory is I will be like those lizards with the skin flaps. It will make me much more scary and intimidating… All the known world shall tremble at Male Pattern Baldness Man! ---
**Author:** ![FalconFinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@FalconFinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FalconFinder)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/54 "2009-06-17T15:38:23Z")
I think he means that it will run from ear to ear over the top of his head, not around the back like Bozo. Although, many people are afraid of clowns, maybe that’s the scary and intimidation he’s referring to? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/55 "2009-06-17T15:50:49Z")
Yup, I got what he meant. I just think there’s a reason you never see anyone with that haircut. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/56 "2009-06-17T16:03:36Z")
> [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](#): > > Let me be the first to say… > > No way in hell! It’s very absorbent! Plus, it would be like an anti-rape kit. No one would rape you if they thought they would wear off the skin of their diddlers. And for when you actually want sex… well, there’ll be a cleansing ritual that will be kinda lake foreplay. Still no? Moss, then. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/57 "2009-06-17T16:40:49Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > It’s very absorbent! Yes, but devices of this sort need to be a cohesive whole so that you can easily replace them when they get soaked. > [@](#): > > Plus, it would be like an anti-rape kit. No one would rape you if they thought they would wear off the skin of their diddlers. Clearly, you’re not thinking creatively enough in terms of orifices. I’m sure \*\*mswas \*\*has a suggestion or two. > [@](#): > > And for when you actually want sex… well, there’ll be a cleansing ritual that will be kinda **lake** foreplay. Emphasis added. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/58 "2009-06-17T16:59:12Z")
Oops, _like_ foreplay. Otherwise… more orifices, more sand! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/59 "2009-06-17T17:15:05Z")
Well, there won’t be any running water, so you were probably more accurate than you know. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856/60 "2009-06-17T17:27:24Z")
Rivers, there will be rivers. Best to live upstream so you can shit and piss on those downstream lowlifes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-damn-civilization-thing-is-too-complicated/499856.md?page=4)