# This doesn't work. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 16, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309 "2005-08-16T19:25:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/41 "2005-08-17T02:12:26Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > … I got better. Hello. My name is not **Inigo Montoya**. You killed my **Ponder** , prepare to die. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/42 "2005-08-17T02:14:41Z")
Hey, he was only mostly dead. ---
**Author:** ![sishoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3e96dc/32.png) [@sishoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sishoch)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/43 "2005-08-17T02:21:02Z")
I’d say the judicious use of a BFH is called for. You know, a Big, uhmm, Hammer. And maybe a pickle fork, got one handy? ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/44 "2005-08-17T02:28:45Z")
> [@Hilarity N. Suze](#): > > Hey, he was only mostly dead. Joke #1: No, he was and still is **Ponder Stibbons**. I think **Only Mostly Dead** would take offence at this usurpation of his name. Joke #2: Yeah, but he only wanted to come back to blathe. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/45 "2005-08-17T02:30:12Z")
Turn it off and then back on again. Hey, it worked for \*\*pinkfreud \*\*and **Nic2004** and **Ponder Stibbons** and **Strinka**. ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/46 "2005-08-17T02:32:26Z")
Hey, look what happens when I twiddle _this_ bit! Whoo[SIZE=4]o[SIZE=5]o[SIZE=6]o[SIZE=7]oo[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]oah! Hey, that was fun. ---
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/47 "2005-08-17T05:33:09Z")
Did you pay the bill last month? ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/48 "2005-08-17T05:48:21Z")
> [@MacSpon](#): > > Hey, look what happens when I twiddle _this_ bit! > > Whoo[SIZE=4]o[SIZE=5]o[SIZE=6]o[SIZE=7]oo[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]oah! > > Hey, that was fun. Quit twiddling it. You’ll break it off. What you really need to know is hold down these four keys while singing “On Top of Spaghetti.” ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/49 "2005-08-17T05:48:35Z")
> [@The Scrivener](#): > > Try reversing the polarity. No! That may cause it to become unstable. First you’ll need to re-route the power to the main diode array, then fully recharge the power couplings. You may need a frequency resonance stabilizer for that, though. Now, flip switch A7 and make sure the LED lights read as Green, Yellow, Green, Green, Aquamarine\*. Then it’s safe to reverse polarity. \*Very important here. If the last LED is turquoise, then scrap the whole thing and get an upgrade to the G-12 sisterboard, otherwise you’re going to end up with a makeshift nuclear bomb on your hand. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/50 "2005-08-17T05:53:36Z")
We had the same problem with the one were I work. We never did work it out we just bought a new one. It does the same thing…but not as often. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/51 "2005-08-17T11:41:21Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > Quit twiddling it. You’ll break it off. And if you don’t stop that, you could go blind. ---
**Author:** ![Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fromage_A_Trois)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/52 "2005-08-17T12:01:05Z")
Don’t ask how, but I once found that doing this tends to work… just a second… ::leans over, caresses and kisses the widget passionately What? I… well… look, you don’t want to know. Let’s see if it’s worked… Hmmm… looks like I embarrassed myself for no result there. Drat. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/53 "2005-08-17T16:41:16Z")
:dubious: : hands **Fromage** a paper towel & kitchen cleaner : : twiddle twiddle twiddle : Whoo[SIZE=4]o[SIZE=5]o[SIZE=6]o[SIZE=7]oo[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]oah! Whew! That was cool But I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to do _that_. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/54 "2005-08-17T16:43:25Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > You forgot to pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster before beginning, didn’t you? > [@Harimad-sol](#): > > …What you really need to know is hold down these four keys while singing “On Top of Spaghetti.” I believe that is the traditional opening hymn for any service in praise of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Be careful though. Grief over the sins of the Unfaithful has led the FSM to become lactose-intolerant. The results - when singing the second line of that hymn - ain’t pretty :eek:. Umbrellas are recommended. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/55 "2005-08-17T16:44:12Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > Whoo[SIZE=4]o[SIZE=5]o[SIZE=6]o[SIZE=7]oo[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]o[/SIZE]oah! > > Whew! That was cool But I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to do _that_. But just think of the money you could make marketing it to single women! ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/56 "2005-08-18T01:44:34Z")
How many quarters did you say you put in it? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/57 "2005-08-18T01:53:23Z")
When they stop working, it’s generally because the flux capacitor has gone bad. Fortunately… :: fishes around in pocket :: …I always carry a spare. Just in case, ya’know? Here ya go. Ooo…sorry…little bit of gum wrapper stuck to it. Ok, there ya go…gooder’n new. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/58 "2005-08-18T02:34:41Z")
Now there’s gum stuck in it. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/59 "2005-08-18T02:48:02Z")
You didn’t check to see if the Ethernet Cable was plugged in…did you? Cuz the LAST thing we need is an Ethernet spill. It’s a Carcinogen ya know. _And Fer Chrissakes! Don’t look into the laser with remaining eye!_ ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/60 "2005-08-18T02:56:39Z")
No, see, you don’t need these parts. Don’t you know that they always come with extraneous pieces? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309.md?page=4)