# This doesn't work. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 16, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309 "2005-08-16T19:25:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![LucyInDisguise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucyindisguise/32/18064_2.png) [@LucyInDisguise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LucyInDisguise)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/61 "2005-08-18T13:47:41Z")
:three piece suit consultant enters: “See, I told you this would happen if you formed a commitee to help find the problem! You need to hire a professional if you really want to get things screwed up.” (“Sorry, no, my specialty is locating diamonds which have been mysteriously caught in suspension …”) :hands $20,000 invoice to OP: :three piece suit consultant walks out with check, trying not to smirk: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/62 "2005-08-18T14:20:35Z")
Abort/retry/fail? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/63 "2005-08-18T16:52:30Z")
> [@LucyInDisguise](#): > > :three piece suit consultant walks out with check, trying not to smirk: 😃 I stopped payment on the check. Now we have two problems. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/64 "2005-08-18T17:00:30Z")
Have you tried, maybe, realigning your interocitor? ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/65 "2005-08-19T01:15:58Z")
Possibly a stupid question, but, uh, did anyone remember to plug it in? I can’t reach from here or you _ **know** _ I’d do it myself. ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/66 "2005-08-19T01:17:04Z")
And by the way, why does that little bell keep ringing? ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/67 "2005-08-19T01:34:52Z")
Oh, that? That’s just the Idiot Detector. ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/68 "2005-08-19T01:40:11Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > Oh, that? That’s just the Idiot Detector. Well, shut it OFF! It’s been ringing for DAYS now! ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/69 "2005-08-19T01:42:28Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > Oh, that? That’s just the Idiot Detector. It’s how we can tell that it’s plugged in. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/70 "2005-08-19T02:04:46Z")
Please just reformat and reload, it will be fine. What do you mean the cup holder is also not working? What cup holder? Oh No!!! ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/71 "2005-08-19T02:19:59Z")
Sometimes it just takes a good hard thwack in the side to get it going again. Here…lemme see this thing… _ **THWACK** _ **zzzzt** **sizzle** :: random sparks :: **pop!** Errrr…it was like that when I got here. :: slowly backs out of thread :: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Zamboni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@The\_Great\_Zamboni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Zamboni)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/72 "2005-08-19T14:30:21Z")
Twist the blue wire back on itself, line up the tubes (what are you doing with a machine so old?), realign the capacitors, position the monitor in an upright position, and flick the switch on the back. There! Now you have a 1920’s Style “Death-Ray!” I know that isn’t what you want, so reverse the procedure. Then, take a .22 caliber bullet, place it where the fuse goes, and rewire the emergency light to shine at a lower wattage. BANG :eek: Sorry about your window. And your leg. You should see a doctor about that. :mad: Hey, you asked for help! It’s your fault! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/73 "2005-08-19T14:30:23Z")
Just remember: If anyone asks, a wizard did it. ---
**Author:** ![Bomzaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@Bomzaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bomzaway)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/74 "2005-08-19T14:44:09Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > When they stop working, it’s generally because the flux capacitor has gone bad. Fortunately… > > :: fishes around in pocket :: > > …I always carry a spare. Just in case, ya’know? Here ya go. Ooo…sorry…little bit of gum wrapper stuck to it. Ok, there ya go…gooder’n new. Almost gooder’n new. Does anyone have a 1.21 jigowatt generator? Try saying “jigowatt generator” five times fast. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/75 "2005-08-19T14:51:09Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Just remember: If anyone asks, a wizard did it. Well, if you want that story to sound legit, somebody better whiz on it, then. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/76 "2005-08-19T16:07:08Z")
NO! Everyone knows you Don’t! Whiz! On! The! Electric! Fence! ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/77 "2005-08-19T17:41:31Z")
_It_’s been working fine all along. You just don’t understand. You just need to try to put yourself in its shoes. How would you feel? Slaving away all this time, with no acknowledgement whatsoever. You heartless bastard. _{crying…}_ [sub]Oh, yeah, sorry for killing all those people.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/78 "2005-08-19T17:59:29Z")
I say you take off and nuke the thing from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/79 "2005-08-19T18:26:42Z")
I bet you wish you’d sprung for that extended warranty now, huh? And “they” say it’s a waste of money. Hmph. ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309/80 "2005-08-19T18:47:10Z")
> [@Electronic Chaos](#): > > No! That may cause it to become unstable. First you’ll need to re-route the power to the main diode array, then fully recharge the power couplings. You may need a frequency resonance stabilizer for that, though. Now, flip switch A7 and make sure the LED lights read as Green, Yellow, Green, Green, Aquamarine\*. Then it’s safe to reverse polarity. > \*Very important here. If the last LED is turquoise, then scrap the whole thing and get an upgrade to the G-12 sisterboard, otherwise you’re going to end up with a makeshift nuclear bomb on your hand. All of that works better if you reroute the power through the deflector dish. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-doesnt-work/317309.md?page=5)