# This Guy Really Takes the Fucking Cake! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 2, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218 "2003-06-02T21:07:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/41 "2003-06-03T16:57:24Z")
Heheh… I remember that one. The real winner comes in and says here’s my ID, 'cause I know you’d would just hand me $10000 without it. The looks on their faces is priceless. ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/42 "2003-06-03T17:03:32Z")
I was of course, referring the WKRP episode. And I meant to say “you wouldn’t”, not “you’d would”. ---
**Author:** ![Apricot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bcef8e/32.png) [@Apricot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apricot)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/43 "2003-06-03T19:02:11Z")
$300 is the maximum withdrawl amount allowed on my ATM card. I wonder if that’s the reason for all the $300 findings. Or maybe Dear Abby’s “pennies from heaven” got an update for inflation. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/44 "2003-06-03T19:17:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Apricot \* > \*\*$300 is the maximum withdrawl amount allowed on my ATM card. I wonder if that’s the reason for all the $300 findings. \*\* ATMs don’t normally dispense hundreds. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/45 "2003-06-03T19:28:21Z")
I see my random scattering of precisely $300 in cash around the country is working. My evil plan is coming together perfectly. MWWAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA!!! ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/46 "2003-06-03T19:50:30Z")
Oooh! Hamlet, do me next! ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/47 "2003-06-03T20:17:43Z")
Yeah, **Hamlet** –you could do me three, fo’ times! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/48 "2003-06-03T20:37:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elfoldo \* > \*\*That’s the way God does miracles now. It was too much work doing all those old-style miracles like parting the Red Sea and turning water into wine. Now he just drops a few hundred dollar bills around. So enjoy your blessed intervention! Just don’t spend it on anything illicit \*\* I must be doing something wrong. All I’ve ever found was a single 20. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/49 "2003-06-03T21:01:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dung Beetle \* > \*\*Oooh! Hamlet, do me next! \*\* Who is Ophelia? I’ll take Shakespearean Misquotes for 1000, Alex. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/50 "2003-06-03T21:40:46Z")
Eduardo has had a few issues with failing to show up to work several times…but when he’s actually present, he is without doubt one of our best employees. Quiet, honest, hardworking and uncomplaining. This is the reason that even when he doesn’t show up for work occasionally, management overlooks it. 😃 (He was actually fired once for failing to show up twice in a week–I don’t know why he doesn’t show up sometimes–but within two weeks of working with his replacement, management called him back in.) He is, by the way, a seventeen or eighteen year old kid, so anyone wanting to buy him a drink will have to wait several years. 😉 And yes, Chris has bought him lunch. Speaking of other assholes besides the Guy in my OP, I remember once I was waiting on a thirty-ish couple on a lunch shift years ago, and the man paid his bill with a $100 bill. As I walked away to get change for it, I realized that it was a very crisp, brand-new $100 bill that had stuck to _another_ $100 bill. And of course it crossed my mind to keep it; the guy had had lots of $100 bills in his wallet b/c I’d seen them. And he probably wouldn’t realize his error til after he’d left the restaurant, if then. And I stood to make about $40 that day, if I was lucky. All this flashed through my mind in about .02 seconds, and I turned right back around, walked back to their table, handed it to him, and said, “Hey, you might want to be a little more careful! These bills are little sticky.” He looked blankly at the $100 bill for a second, while his wife gave him this “Eat shit and die!” look and snatched it out of his hands, looking seriously pissed that he’d almost “tipped” me an extra $100 bucks. Their tab was $42 bucks. They tipped me five. (Approx. 12%.) They didn’t even thank me. Later on in the week, I was walking past the bar on another lunch shift when a guy sitting there said, “Hey, you look like you’re having a bad day.” I turned around, a bit surprised that he’d been able to notice it on my face, and shrugged. “It’s just one of those days, I think. No big deal.” “Making any money today?” he asked. “No, not really,” I said. Tired enough to be honest. “Here,” he said. “Maybe this will improve your day.” And he handed me $60. For no freakin’ reason. I found out later that he was a regular with kids in college, with plenty of cash to spare, and the story went that he missed his kids and wanted to help out other young people when he could. I don’t know if I believe it, though. I think he gave me the money b/c I hadn’t kept the $100 two days earlier. He didn’t know that. But I did. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/51 "2003-06-04T00:57:28Z")
I once found a ten dollar bill at work, and turned it in to security. They said after two weeks if no one claimed it, I could have it. But every time after that, even though no one claimed it, they kept making excuses not to give it to me-they couldn’t get to the safe, the office was locked. At the time, the only reason I turned it in was because I was afraid it had been dropped from someone’s till. It was only ten freaking dollars, but come on! Now, I wish I had kept it. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/52 "2003-06-04T01:06:36Z")
> [@](#): > > ATMs don’t normally dispense hundreds. Maybe they don’t in Location Location, but if there’s a casino around they sure do. You don’t want someon cashing in for $40 when they could buy $100 worth of chips. ---
**Author:** ![AmishBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@AmishBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmishBlue)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/53 "2003-06-04T02:23:15Z")
I have a friend who lost her wallet in a parking lot in the small Michigan town where we worked. It had a one hundred dollar bill in it. She later got a phone call with directions for picking it up at the home of the finder–actor Jeff Daniels. Cool, huh? ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/54 "2003-06-04T04:08:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Yeah, **Hamlet** –you could do me three, fo’ times! \*\* :dubious: Jus’ make sure you shine her up nice an’ pretty before you go and return her. That’s all. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/55 "2003-06-04T04:45:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Philster \* > I think Eduardo found the bag and wanted to leave with it, but knew someone would come looking and call him a thief if it wasn’t there. > > Eduardo got a friend’s I.D., stuck it in the bag and your boss actually called his friend in. The guy acted irate to throw you off. > Eduardo and his friend split the booty … Since we are in the pit, I will take the liberty of saying that you, Sir, are one helluva a fucking cynical asshole. My mind cringes at the mere thought of what passes for a worldview in your microencephalic brain. I would pity you except there are far more important things beckoning me right now, LIKE PLUCKING SOME NOSE HAIRS!!! ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/56 "2003-06-04T06:35:19Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by AmishBlue_ > **I have a friend who lost her wallet in a parking lot in the small Michigan town where we worked. It had a one hundred dollar bill in it. She later got a phone call with directions for picking it up at the home of the finder–actor Jeff Daniels. Cool, huh?** What on Earth were you doing in Chelsea? Not a heck of a lot going on there but the Purple Rose Theater. Jeff Daniels is supposed to be a super cool guy. There’s a story–it’s practically a legend by now–that he was eating out one night and ran into some girls who had been stood up by their prom dates. So he bought them dinner, ran home to change into his tux and took them all to the prom. I don’t know if it’s true, but it’s a good story nonetheless. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/57 "2003-06-04T10:22:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*Since we are in the pit, I will take the liberty of saying that you, Sir, are one helluva a fucking cynical asshole. > > My mind cringes at the mere thought of what passes for a worldview in your microencephalic brain. I would pity you except there are far more important things beckoning me right now, LIKE PLUCKING SOME NOSE HAIRS!!! \*\* I don’t know if you’re being fair **Zenster** , wasn’t **Philster** (is there a bit of a -ster thing going on here?) just outlining a hypothetical to demonstrate that the manager’s questioning was hardly out of order. The Great Unwashedster. ---
**Author:** ![Petter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dbc845/32.png) [@Petter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Petter)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/58 "2003-06-04T11:35:40Z")
I think there’s a whoosh in here somewhere, **The Great Unwashed**. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/59 "2003-06-04T18:10:46Z")
Wow. Hey, I’d like to know the name of the place…I go to SA pretty frequently, and I might just drop by there. And leave a mighty tip. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218/60 "2003-06-04T19:10:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Petter \* > \*\*I think there’s a whoosh in here somewhere, **The Great Unwashed**. \*\* Sorry, I guess what I meant then was, fuck all you **-ster** people, you’re like a fucking rash. Is that better **Petter**? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-guy-really-takes-the-fucking-cake/179218.md?page=4)