# This hurts **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 16, 2013, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-hurts/658539 "2013-05-16T19:02:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-hurts/658539/21 "2013-05-18T06:44:01Z")
Agreed with all the advice. Treat this now as if it’s over. You won’t actually believe it or feel that way for a good long while, but start saying to yourself, “it’s over, he’s not coming back, and even if he did maybe it’s for the best if we didn’t jump back into things because this is not how healthy loving relationships should work.” After several months or more you’ll eventually believe this. But fake it until you make it. I’m going on 4 months now after my 2 year long relationship, and I’m just now starting to believe such things myself. It’s super hard. I’m so sorry for you. You aren’t alone my friend. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![BTEzra04](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9f8e36/32.png) [@BTEzra04](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BTEzra04)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-hurts/658539/22 "2013-05-18T11:40:57Z")
I keep re-imagining all the fun times we had. I keep re-imagining our day of talking and how I could’ve said things differently, maybe made things easier and possibly we wouldn’t have broken up. I ended up saying something at one point like “I think we both know…the option I’m thinking of.” Then I screamed “I don’t want to,” so many times as we both started crying again ☹ I’ve heard from a family member that he was crying when they met and said we’d broken up and that he’d said he wanted to talk about some things at some point, but hadn’t yet. I’m just sad. I’ve been trying to talk to friends and all, but still very teary. Thanks for trying to provide support, everyone. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-hurts/658539/23 "2013-05-18T12:36:38Z")
Stop looking back - you’re not going that way! Reliving the past, is not going to be helpful. I know it’s hard but whenever you catch yourself doing this stop it! Replace it with imagining a future where you are both happy, just not together, as a couple. When you can picture that future you’ll be ready to have contact again. The first stage of grief is denial, work on accepting that it really is over. That there was maybe more he wanted to discuss may mean he’s already moving towards a happy life without you, in some way. Until you’re on a path to happiness without him, he may not choose to share. Screaming, “I don’t want to!”, while he’s trying to have a difficult conversation with you seems counterproductive to me. That you’ve conjectured all manner of emotional and psychological school/job/future stuff about him, while you’re behaving in such a manner gives me pause. If you want to know what he’s not saying, you need to cut that shit out. Some men don’t like being pushed/helped to achieve. It detracts from the accomplishments they need to feel _they_ achieved. Step back. Way back. Let him go it alone. Possibly even find someone who’s style ‘supporting him’ he finds more in tune with himself. When you want to contact him, come and post here instead, wait for him to come to you! For now just focus on accepting is _is_ very likely, over. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-hurts/658539/24 "2013-05-18T14:10:09Z")
> [@BTEzra04](#): > > I keep re-imagining all the fun times we had. I keep re-imagining our day of talking Are you simply remembering these things, or creating new versions of them? 😕 Either way, you might want to give it up for a bit. So, after _you_ brought up the option of breaking up, then you actually \*screamed \*“I don’t want to!” a number of times ? Really? Quite frankly, forget about him - pine for the loss of your sanity and self-respect. Unless you’re a teenager. In which case, embrace the drama until it wears you out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-hurts/658539.md?page=1)