# This is especially complicated. Does he like me? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 24, 2015, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296 "2015-12-24T22:01:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/81 "2015-12-29T13:08:41Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I don’t think it’s as backwards compatible as that. From a cultural perspective it’s more acceptable for young females to be involved with older males: but the times they are a’changin’. One would hope that means culture is becoming more accepting of either young males or young women with older partners, not less accepting of both. There is a study I saw from England that suggests age disparate relationships are in fact becoming a bit more common (albeit still uncommon), but it wasn’t clear from your comment which you meant. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/82 "2015-12-29T13:17:56Z")
> [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](#): > > True, but when you have a 42 year old man and a young woman who has never dated and has no real life support in this case\*, I would say the odds of feeling used likely. At 44, can I get hurt? Sure. Like you said, we all can. But it’s easier to see through a lot, too, and not fall for what is clear pick up artistry (stuff I’m very sure I would have fallen for at 19). It’s simply my opinion that this is a terrible idea to pursue. > > \*meaning this isn’t something she feels she can talk to with her mom or friends. Any statistical evidence that ‘odds of feeling used’ are more likely in these sorts of relationships than any other? I can’t link to it on my phone, but the closest thing I know of is study on teenage girls who lose their virginity to older men vs. same age partners, and whether or not the ones with older partners are more likely in retrospect to feel the relationships were coercive / less than fully consensual. As we all know this is very likely when adults are involved with younger teenagers, but the effect is weak for 17 year olds and nonexistent or possibly negative for 18-19 year olds. That doesn’t include a proper multiple comparisons or chi-squared procedure, so make of it what you will (once I can track it down), but I’m not sure anyone here has provided any evidence to the contrary either. ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/83 "2015-12-30T00:45:52Z")
> [@Alittlesmitten](#): > > Please what do y’all think. I think you should find out how much he has noticed you, so… Swallow a few coins and ask him if he sees any change in you. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/84 "2015-12-30T01:43:53Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > The title of the OP reminds of the time long ago when we purchased a female guinea pig as a potential mate for our male guinea pig. Before placing her in his cage one of us asked, “Will he like her?”. > > Well, yes. The last time I waded into one of these threads you guys had me remarried and living in Phoenix with the OP, but I had to quote that post, both for truth and because I like guinea pigs. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/85 "2015-12-30T15:12:22Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > This is true, it’s hard to relate. Do what I did and try picturing the OP as a male in his 40s, rather than a teenage girl with a crush on an older man, and then maybe you’ll think of lots of things to say. Since I’m already a male in his 40s, I decided to head down to the local college campus and hit on the freshmen. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/86 "2015-12-30T17:39:39Z")
> [@Hector\_St\_Clare](#): > > Since that song was about underage high school girls and their teachers, I struggle the see the relevance. The age of consent in this country is 18, last I checked, so the OP isn’t underage in any way, shape or form. It’s a joke. Lighten up. [Maybe this skit is closer to your liking.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJEAGd1bQuc) A good rule of thumb for age differences is half the man’s age + 7. So for a 42 year old guy, 28 would be about a reasonable minimum age to date. It’s not really about the age gap. A 52 year old dating a 29 year old seems a whole lot less creepy than a 42 year old dating a 19 year old, even though they have the same age difference. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/87 "2015-12-30T17:55:05Z")
> [@Hector\_St\_Clare](#): > > Since that song was about underage high school girls and their teachers, I struggle the see the relevance. The age of consent in this country is 18, last I checked, so the OP isn’t underage in any way, shape or form. No where in that song does it mention the girl is underage. This site is supposed to be about fighting ignorance, not spreading it. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/88 "2015-12-30T23:24:03Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It’s a joke. Lighten up. > > [Maybe this skit is closer to your liking.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJEAGd1bQuc) > > A good rule of thumb for age differences is half the man’s age + 7. So for a 42 year old guy, 28 would be about a reasonable minimum age to date. > > It’s not really about the age gap. A 52 year old dating a 29 year old seems a whole lot less creepy than a 42 year old dating a 19 year old, even though they have the same age difference. Why is that a good rule of thumb, and why do you find it creepy? You’re not actually making an argument or providing much in the way of evidence here. I don’t see that as any different from people who disapprove of inter-racial or same-sex partnerships, personally. **Alittlesmitten** , good luck. Keep us updated! I’ll be his age in another 8 years, so I find this thread inspiring. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2015, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/89 "2015-12-30T23:39:50Z")
> [@Hector\_St\_Clare](#): > > Why is that a good rule of thumb, and why do you find it creepy? You’re not actually making an argument or providing much in the way of evidence here. > > I don’t see that as any different from people who disapprove of inter-racial or same-sex partnerships, personally. > > **Alittlesmitten** , good luck. Keep us updated! I’ll be his age in another 8 years, so I find this thread inspiring. 🙂 Because, it’s basically one step away from a 42yo man hanging outside the high school asking all the girls if any of them are 18 yet. You also get the impression of the older gentleman, that the only reason he isn’t fucking 15 or 16yo’s is because it’s against the law and NOT because he himself finds it creepy. I should stress, that’s the perception. Personally, I reserve judgement and keep my mouth shut about such affairs as it’s none of my damn business. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/90 "2015-12-31T09:21:22Z")
What’s the worst that could happen? The OP could find herself pregnant. Or get an STD. She could end up as a correspondent in a Divorce case. Or she could become just a checkmark in the box labeled “A Black Co-ed” in his list of Women I’ve Done. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/91 "2015-12-31T10:50:48Z")
So out of deep thought he tells you that he is 42. The bird that would soar above the plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296/92 "2015-12-31T14:47:05Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Because, it’s basically one step away from a 42yo man hanging outside the high school asking all the girls if any of them are 18 yet. You also get the impression of the older gentleman, that the only reason he isn’t fucking 15 or 16yo’s is because it’s against the law and NOT because he himself finds it creepy. > > I should stress, that’s the perception. Personally, I reserve judgement and keep my mouth shut about such affairs as it’s none of my damn business. I’m glad that’s not _your_ perception, but it makes no sense. So obedience to the law is construed as evidence that you secretly want to disobey the law? I’m not entirely sure what ‘creepy’ would mean in this context (I would assume it means something like ‘unnatural’, but that isn’t why sex with older teenagers is illegal). The reason for adults not to date 15 or 16 year olds is because, at least in our society, in carries a higher than normal likelihood of harm to the younger teenager. I don’t see evidence this is the case for 18+ year olds with older partners. Thus, I agree with the law. Oh, the article is here: [Young Women's Degree of Control Over First Intercourse: An Exploratory Analysis | Guttmacher Institute](http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3001298.html#fnb) The OP will undoubtedly face a higher risk of negative judgments from the peanut gallery, as will her partner, if they decide to pursue this relationship, but this not actually a good reason not to date someone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-is-especially-complicated-does-he-like-me/741296.md?page=4)