# This Joke Only Works In Writing / This Joke Only Works When Spoken **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [November 11, 2020, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326 "2020-11-11T15:29:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2020, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/1 "2020-11-11T15:29:28Z")
Tell me two jokes; The first only works (or works best) in written form; the second only (or best) in spoken form. EGO and SUPEREGO walk into a bar. The bartender says “I’m going to need to see some ID” Two chemists walk into a bar; one says “I’ll just have some H2O”; the other says “I’ll have H2O too”; the second chemist later died. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2020, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/2 "2020-11-11T20:21:22Z")
How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an auto worker? Ask them to pronounce unionized. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Elephino. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2020, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/3 "2020-11-11T21:19:53Z")
Works when spoken: How do you get to Wales in a Volkswagon? Take the M4. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2020, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/4 "2020-11-11T21:27:04Z")
Wears the paddle? Where’s the bar tender? Those two punchlines don’t work if you have to write them out. ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2020, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/5 "2020-11-12T20:54:23Z")
Only works if spoken: What time should you go to the dentist? 2:30 Tooth hurty ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2020, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/6 "2020-11-13T09:20:07Z")
Works best when written: there are only 10 kinds of people; those who understand binary, and those who don’t. Works best when spoken: “Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “Interrupting cow” “Interrupting c…” “MOOOO!”. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2020, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/7 "2020-11-13T09:46:52Z")
I always thought that riddle about “three common words that end in ‘gry,’ two are ‘angry,’ and ‘hungry,’ what is the third word?” is a spoken riddle that someone wrote out, and suddenly became unfathomable. Spoken, there’s a very easy solution: “agree.” But some people might still get hung up on how the words are spelled even when it’s spoken-- then they feel bone-headed when you say “agree.” Written, though, it’s hard to fault the person trying to figure it for assuming the constraint that the word actually should be spelled with a Y. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2020, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/8 "2020-11-15T15:58:57Z")
Only works when spoken: What weighs 400 lbs and sleeps with cats? Mrs. Katz! ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2020, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/9 "2020-12-10T21:04:41Z")
What does MacDonald spell? MacDonald What does MacDoogle spell? MacDoogle. What does MacHine spell? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2020, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/10 "2020-12-10T21:52:16Z")
This works well when spoken by spelling out the words. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2020, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/11 "2020-12-10T22:24:59Z")
AH yes, I probably should have spelled it out M-a-c-D-o-o-g-l-e for effect. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2020, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/12 "2020-12-12T03:25:20Z")
A cartoon of a guy in a shop named “Kal’s Kwality Korner”, returning a faulty gizmo. He wails “You call this kwality?” ---
**Author:** ![drad\_dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@drad\_dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drad_dog)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2021, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/13 "2021-01-26T02:09:22Z")
The answer is irrelephant ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2021, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/14 "2021-03-26T14:39:03Z")
Works much better written down: why was the electrician angyr? He got his YRs crossed. Works much better spoken: “What’s the secret of great comedy?” “I don’t know, what’s the secre…” “Timing!” ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/15 "2021-04-14T02:05:20Z")
This is [one of my favorite jokes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0dF75hDDRE) and I don’t know how you’d write it down. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/16 "2021-04-14T02:15:47Z")
There are jokes that only work when the joke teller is seen, btw. “Why was Jesus popular with the ladies? Because he was hung like this (hold arms straight out to the left and right).” ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/17 "2021-04-14T02:19:03Z")
^ That one’s new to me and it’s fantastic! (My wife works for a church and she shook her head so hard upon hearing it that her glasses almost fell off her face, so she loves it, too!) ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-joke-only-works-in-writing-this-joke-only-works-when-spoken/925326/18 "2021-04-14T17:18:33Z")
In a similar vein,… Why was Jesus crucified on a cross rather than stoned to death? Because it’s a lot easier to go like this (makes the sign of the cross) than to go like this (balls up fists and starts hitting themselves all over)