# This just makes me want to grab my rifle and climb a tower
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [December 3, 2004, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811 "2004-12-03T00:31:20Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/1 "2004-12-03T00:31:20Z")
I was tooling around today and I ended up going to this web site, because… you know… I needed to learn about Doritos for an experiment I was planning.
Before I post the link and you click it, be sure and watch it carefully:
[WWW.Doritos.com](http://WWW.Doritos.com)
Did you see it? Do you understand?
I originally discovered the issue in this thread on "Bee Sting Therapy in GQ:
> **[Bee sting therapy](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=289168)**
>
> A friend of mine has Multiple Sclerosis (MS). In a recent discussion she mentioned that she had heard that bee sting therapy could help relieve her MS symptoms but was wary of trying it. She asked if I knew anything about it and I had to admit that...
As I said in that thread:
> [@](#):
>
> I suppose that calls for some kind of sarcastic and humorous comment, but the fact of the matter is that that just makes me inexplicably sad.
You don’t understand do you? I told my wife and she looked at me like I was crazy.
You see, the motto for Doritos brand tortilla chips is **"Byte Sized Fun."**
When the Dorito graphic comes up though it tells us that **"Doritos Brand Tortilla Chips are not bite-sized"**
Well, that totally destroys the irony inerent in the Homonym, does it not? Then why bother you morons? What’s the point?
Oh, I know what happened. I’ll bet a case of beer that the original motto for Doritos was “Bite-sized fun!” and then some moron thought that this was a legal warranty that meant you were supposed to try to swallow them whole. Then, he was rushed to the hospital and operated on, and they surgically removed the Dorito from his esophogas. Once recovered he sued Doritos brand tortilla chips for $10,000,000 and now Doritos had to change the motto.
Everybody identifies Doritos with “Bite Sized Fun” so some Vice-President of marketing had the revelation of his career and justified his salary for life doing nothing by saying "I know. Let’s change the motto from “bite-sized fun” to “Byte-sized fun. We’ll just tie it in with the occasional computer game or electronics giveaway and we’ll be protected forever.”
Doubtless, the Board of Directors cheered this genius for the breakthrough, and so it was…
except a lawyer said “well we better just make sure we put in a disclaimer that lets everybody know that doritos are not “bite sized.” That way we disclaim the suggest irony of the homonym and its implicit suggestion that you stick whole Doritos bramd torilla chips in your mouth.”
Everybody nodded sagely at this.
Maybe this seems perfectly normal and reasonable to you. For me, **THAT’S IT!!!**
I’m done. I’m climbing the tower. Who’s with me?
---
### Author:  [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/2 "2004-12-03T00:36:14Z")
> [@Scylla](#):
>
> I’m done. I’m climbing the tower. Who’s with me?
[Backs away verrrrry slllooowwwwly from **scylla** ’s post]
---
### Author:  [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/3 "2004-12-03T00:37:15Z")
I’m not surprised.
This country is going down the crapper.
---
### Author:  [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/4 "2004-12-03T00:37:38Z")
> [@Scylla](#):
>
> I’m done. I’m climbing the tower. Who’s with me?
Let’s hope it’s a dark tower. If you know what I mean.
---
### Author:  [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/5 "2004-12-03T00:38:31Z")
Who told you it was a good idea to go off the meds?
---
### Author:  [@MrTuffPaws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrTuffPaws)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/6 "2004-12-03T00:38:51Z")
:wally
---
### Author:  [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/7 "2004-12-03T00:39:56Z")
We’ve secretly replaced **Scylla** ’s regular coffee with pure crack. Let’s see what happens.
---
### Author:  [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/8 "2004-12-03T00:49:12Z")
Sure. Go ahead and laugh at me.
This is your world. Your Doritos come with warnings, disclaimers, and instructions.
They don’t do that in my world. In my world you don’t need warnings and disclaimers with your snacks. We know how to masticate our chips, dammit.
As far as I’m concerned an incompetant masticator is worthless!
The door at work has a handle and a sign under it that says “Pull.”
AHA! so **that’s** how you work that.
I have seen… with my own eyes… not once, but many times… a person walk up to that door, put the hand on that handle, attempt to push… and walk into the door.
Then they’ll try again, and maybe a third time before they figure it out.
Like I said. This is your world. It was designed for you.
---
### Author:  [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/9 "2004-12-03T01:07:34Z")
> [@Scylla](#):
>
> Sure. Go ahead and laugh at me.
> This is your world. Your Doritos come with warnings, disclaimers, and instructions.
> They don’t do that in my world.
Veddy veddy intereztink.
Tell me more about zis world that only you inhabit?
---
### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/10 "2004-12-03T01:09:52Z")
**Scylla** , hold still for a moment? I’ve just got to take your measurements… hmmm… right, right… yes, I think this straitjacket is the perfect fit…
---
### Author:  [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/11 "2004-12-03T01:14:47Z")
We are messing with nature too much. Stupidity is SUPPOSED to get you killed…it’s better than having all those stupid people stick around, because then you’ll just have pestilence and famine. I say that we should LET people eat Doritos whole, smoke cigarettes, or not watch their step.
---
### Author:  [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/12 "2004-12-03T01:41:57Z")
> [@An Arky](#):
>
> We are messing with nature too much. Stupidity is SUPPOSED to get you killed…it’s better than having all those stupid people stick around, because then you’ll just have pestilence and famine. I say that we should LET people eat Doritos whole, smoke cigarettes, or not watch their step.
Hear hear!
---
### Author:  [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/13 "2004-12-03T01:42:10Z")
So, Doritos aren’t bite sized because of some corporate fiat. They are still byte sized. Is that one byte per Dorito? Is a bag of Doritos 1 gigabyte? And can I add a few mega Doritos to my video card?
---
### Author:  [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/14 "2004-12-03T01:44:58Z")
That doesn’t make a great deal of sense to me. Even if they _were_ bite-sized, you’d still need to chew them once you got them into your mouth. I tend to try to put the whole Dorito[sup]TM[/sup] into my mouth anyway, so I can wipe the nasty orange stuff off my fingers and reach for another one. It fits okay, but the pointy corners can be a bit cumbersome.
---
### Author:  [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/15 "2004-12-03T02:07:46Z")
Can I have my own tower?
---
### Author:  [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/16 "2004-12-03T02:25:34Z")
I watched the link before reading the rest of the post, and I was tossing up between the Byte Sized note not bite sized or the spelling mistake at the end of the intro clip being the cause of your rant. I see it’s the former - did you notice the latter?
---
### Author:  [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/17 "2004-12-03T02:30:04Z")
> [@adam yax](#):
>
> Is a bag of Doritos 1 gigabyte?
One billion Doritos. Math isn’t my strong suit, but something tells me that’d be one _big_ bag o’ chips.
---
### Author:  [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/18 "2004-12-03T02:33:15Z")
I blame Bushco.
---
### Author:  [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/19 "2004-12-03T02:38:59Z")
**Reeder** , that was hilarous. At least I think you are poking fun at yourself.
**Scylla’s** a dude? Learn something new everyday…
---
### Author:  [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811/20 "2004-12-03T03:14:15Z")
**Scylla** is a dude with access to a chainsaw, bees, a rifle, and a remote controlled blimp for reconnisance. I wouldn’t poke too much fun. He has used groundhogs for what he plans to do to people one day.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-just-makes-me-want-to-grab-my-rifle-and-climb-a-tower/277811.md?page=2)