# This thread consists solely of punch lines to jokes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 1, 2003, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957 "2003-09-01T12:42:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/101 "2003-09-02T11:39:23Z")
A pool table ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/102 "2003-09-02T14:22:21Z")
He’s a Haifa- lootin’ Newton-shooting son of a nun from Albuquerque part-time plow-boy Joe. (the punch line is better than the joke) ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/103 "2003-09-02T14:24:10Z")
And there they were, two little old men, repeating “After you”, “No, after you”. ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/104 "2003-09-02T15:13:04Z")
“I’m not surprised…you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here!” ---
**Author:** ![thatDDperson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de0a6/32.png) [@thatDDperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thatDDperson)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/105 "2003-09-02T16:01:59Z")
You’d have thought they’d have seen it. (Sternvogel?? You know the String Joke! NOBODY knows the String Joke around here.) ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/106 "2003-09-02T16:57:42Z")
The Pope replies, “Have you got an eraser?” “Aw crap! I left my harp in Sam Clam’s Disco.” “He’s Blind.” ---
**Author:** ![Baggins111](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@Baggins111](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baggins111)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/107 "2003-09-02T17:16:38Z")
“What makes you think I’m _not_ wearing a tuxedo.” (PHC listeners will get that one.) “Ear sticky.” “Now this time, I want you to hold the golf club in your _hands_.” “Hell, I just wish it was dark.” ---
**Author:** ![knock\_knock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/22d042/32.png) [@knock\_knock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knock_knock)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/108 "2003-09-02T19:19:14Z")
“So there I was in the refrigerator, minding my own business…” “That must be the nuts. They’re complimentary.” “Most people just take the camel into town.” “Rude Officer Ed knows rain, dear.” is there a real joke that ends “Rectum? Damn near killed him!” or is there just the punch line? ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/109 "2003-09-02T19:46:16Z")
“Give him back his $2.50 and tell him to go to hell!” “Because when the inventor died, he took the recipe with him.” “My agent was at my house?” “That’s show biz for ya.” “You can keep the duck.” ---
**Author:** ![saramamalana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/74df32/32.png) [@saramamalana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saramamalana)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/110 "2003-09-02T20:11:30Z")
“So the doctor says, Well if that’s my thermometer, then where’s my pickle?” “Catch that fart and paint it green!” “A quarter pounder with cheese.” “And the bartender says, Is this some kinda joke?” “Make mine a Blood Light.” ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/111 "2003-09-02T20:11:30Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Malacandra \* > [B"The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides"_\* Oi. Kids these days. What do they teach you in school? It should be: “The _sons_ of the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to _the sons_ of the squaws on the other two hides.” ---
**Author:** ![SkyBum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@SkyBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkyBum)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/112 "2003-09-02T20:25:24Z")
Well, I think so but I’m not sure if I can fit another dinner roll up my but. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/113 "2003-09-02T20:49:01Z")
All right! Bring on that girl with the abscessed tooth! Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/114 "2003-09-02T20:54:46Z")
The bee wares of the Izedom Arch seizer ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/115 "2003-09-02T21:39:06Z")
“Who’s that guy with Bernie?” Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner. I’ll tell you later. They’ll go at night. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/116 "2003-09-02T21:51:26Z")
“I’m gonna show you just one more time.” ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/117 "2003-09-02T21:52:12Z")
"'Cause I bet _him_ that at 1:00 pm today I’d have the balls of the President of The Bank of Ontario in my hands. " “Where are you going, oh boy-foot bear with teaks of Chan?” ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/118 "2003-09-02T23:15:34Z")
“Well, the gun didn’t work, so I had to beat him to death with the chair.” “Yeah, but Chunks is my dog’s name.” ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/119 "2003-09-02T23:47:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by knock knock \* > \*\*… > is there a real joke that ends “Rectum? Damn near killed him!” or is there just the punch line? \*\* OP checking in. There are some great punch lines here, so good that I think in a few days I will start a thread called “Put the joke you used in the punch line thread here”. I’m going to use my authority as OP to answer **knock knock** ’s question now, though. A guy brings his unconcious buddy to the emergency room. The doctor asks “What happened?”. The guy says “Well, he was climbing a tree, he slipped and fell, and he landed on a fencepost that went right up his butthole”. The doctor says “rectum”. And the guy says… I actually heard that one on the radio from a couple of disc jockeys who had heard the punch line but didn’t know the joke. I think a listener called in with the joke. Now back to your regularly scheduled thread: “I’m sick and tired of this constant bickering!” ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/120 "2003-09-02T23:58:01Z")
A slipper! See what happens when you don’t eat your vegitables! What do you want for 10 dollars? Lobster? When the lice get up for soda, leave the movie. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957.md?page=7)