# This thread consists solely of punch lines to jokes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 1, 2003, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957 "2003-09-01T12:42:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/121 "2003-09-03T00:59:27Z")
“So am I,” said the third Old Lady. “Let’s all go have a cup of tea.” ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/122 "2003-09-03T01:03:19Z")
“Schmuck! Who do you think sent you the boat and helicopter?” His pants fit like a glove. Because they kept using screen doors. One to hold the lightbulb and 19 the share in the experience. Real men aren’t afraid of the dark! Just one–but he has to follow it a round for twenty years till it burns out. That’s not funny. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/123 "2003-09-03T01:36:46Z")
“Forget the flashlight! Help me find my keys and we’ll drive out of here!” “A mallard duck isn’t a filthy, stinking whore.” “Thank goodness it wasn’t a pussywillow!” ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/124 "2003-09-03T02:05:18Z")
[OK, can’t hold back any more. Gotta post musician punch lines.] The knocking speeds up. Can’t find the key and doesn’t know when to come in. No, no…nothing like that. I just wanted to ask if you have a viola! One to change it and 7 to say “I could have done that!” One to change it and the rest talk about how much better Charlie Parker would have done it. A banjo burns longer. [crying]But he won’t tell me which one! ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/125 "2003-09-03T02:16:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoCoolUserName \* > **[OK, can’t hold back any more. Gotta post musician punch lines.]** Oh! Oh! Oh! Give him sheet music. There’s a remote chance the chicken might have been on its way to a gig. “But that’s the way you played it just now.” ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/126 "2003-09-03T03:34:21Z")
“What’s the matter? Are you too good to wear a wristwatch?” She tried to her advance her career by sleeping with the writer. “Yup, _John_ Travolta.” “Not only did I meet Pancho Villa, I ate lunch with him.” “I’m glad I didn’t tell him about the dirty fork.” “If you change your mind, I’ll dig a hole and you can puke in it.” ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/127 "2003-09-03T03:41:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NDP \* > \*\*That’s not funny. \*\* Ooo, I love that one. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/128 "2003-09-03T03:46:49Z")
“Can you watch the fire while I try to go nail that monkey?” ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/129 "2003-09-03T04:32:55Z")
“Testicles, spectacles, wallet, and watch.” ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/130 "2003-09-03T04:36:41Z")
“The drool is coming out of both sides of his mouth equally” ---
**Author:** ![Shemem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Shemem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shemem)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/131 "2003-09-03T05:00:10Z")
“I’m afraid not.” ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/132 "2003-09-03T05:57:53Z")
“But good, it’s really good!” ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/133 "2003-09-03T06:29:34Z")
“That’s not my dog.” ---
**Author:** ![White\_Ink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@White\_Ink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Ink)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/134 "2003-09-03T08:03:31Z")
Hit, drag George. Hit, drag George. You don’t really come here for the hunting, do you? You BASTARD! You’ve been playing from the ladies tees all week! ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/135 "2003-09-03T08:14:01Z")
Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana? ---
**Author:** ![Mariemarie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58f4c7/32.png) [@Mariemarie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mariemarie)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/136 "2003-09-03T10:11:09Z")
“But we still could not get the top off that bottle!” “Shine a flashlight in his ear!” “Is he still wrong?” “To keep his ankles warm.” ---
**Author:** ![auliya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/90db22/32.png) [@auliya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auliya)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/137 "2003-09-03T10:39:39Z")
This car only runs on BP ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/138 "2003-09-03T12:14:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoCoolUserName \* > \*\*Oi. Kids these days. What do they teach you in school? It should be: > > “The _sons_ of the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to _the sons_ of the squaws on the other two hides.” \*\* Depends. In the version I heard, the hippo-squaw had twins, a boy and a girl, and the punch-line is a much better homophone for Pythagoras’s Theorem. Unless and until it’s possible to have the sum of the square on the hypotenuse, that is. Perhaps you know your trig better than I do :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/139 "2003-09-03T13:16:01Z")
They missed their old flames. “Rudolph the Rebbe knows grain, dear.” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2003, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957/140 "2003-09-03T14:05:12Z")
Yeah - but that was a boar, you pervert! Regards, Shodan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-consists-solely-of-punch-lines-to-jokes/198957.md?page=8)