# This thread was started Feb. 14, 2015! Do Not Zombie! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 15, 2015, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706 "2015-02-15T06:06:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2016, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/61 "2016-02-11T23:11:30Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > 5 kittens just starved to death. It’s your fault. Yeah, but they would have been declawed anyway. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2016, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/62 "2016-02-12T04:51:10Z")
I was going to post that I’ve read hundreds of posts’ worth of a zombie thread…only to come across one that I laugh at. Then I notice that it was my comment, a decade before. But I decided to save that for next year, when we resurrect this again. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2016, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/63 "2016-02-12T05:02:07Z")
Kinda funny reading all the promises … “We’ll be back every six months to resurrect this thread” … they lasted FIVE days … whimps ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2016, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/64 "2016-02-12T06:39:16Z")
The worst part of zombie threads is the poster who has to announce to the other posters who got suckered in that its a zombie thread. Many posters zip through the topics, and rarely go to the very first post to check when it was started before replying, so its no fun being “zombie-shamed”. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2016, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/65 "2016-02-12T06:50:26Z")
I think having your brain eaten is a bit worse than shame. I’m picturing myself in a bad horror movie with _ **Russkie Heel** _, and we’re running as fast as we can away from a pack of zombies. But he keeps turning around and saying “Don’t shame me, bro…” ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2016, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/66 "2016-02-12T14:34:34Z")
> [@watchwolf49](#): > > whimps Whuss + chimp ??? ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2016, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/67 "2016-02-12T14:42:51Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I think having your brain eaten is a bit worse than shame. > > I’m picturing myself in a bad horror movie with _ **Russkie Heel** _, and we’re running as fast as we can away from a pack of zombies. But he keeps turning around and saying “Don’t shame me, bro…” Zombies always chase the one with the most brains, so you’re screwed and they probably won’t even give him a second look. ---
**Author:** ![wisernow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@wisernow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wisernow)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2016, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/68 "2016-02-12T15:35:43Z")
Ok. Be honest…how many have marked their calendars to revive this to-be-zombie same time next year?? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2016, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/69 "2016-02-12T15:43:35Z")
This thread won’t be complete until it gets rezzed a few more times. Also, the OP gets banned. You’re gonna have to take one for the team, **Gato**. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2016, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/70 "2016-02-12T15:58:13Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > This thread won’t be complete until it gets rezzed a few more times. > > Also, the OP gets banned… Followed by a half dozen people wondering why he was banned, and a half dozen other posters saying “PM a mod, man…” And then ATMB is filled with “Why did Gato get banned? Was it the ‘Do Not Zombie’ thread?!?” And then _that_ thread gets resurrected a year later… And then it all moves to that other board, and gets zombified every year or so there, too. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2016, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/71 "2016-02-14T11:04:16Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > The worst part of zombie threads is the poster who has to announce to the other posters who got suckered in that its a zombie thread. > > Many posters zip through the topics, and rarely go to the very first post to check when it was started before replying, so its no fun being “zombie-shamed”. Which is just one more reason why threads should be displayed most-recent-post first. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2016, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/72 "2016-02-14T19:22:37Z")
Oh, _Goddammit!_ ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2016, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/73 "2016-02-15T12:25:13Z")
> [@Ruby](#): > > I don’t understand the vitriol over zombie threads. Who cares if it’s 10 years old if it’s interesting. Maybe I missed it the first time around. Maybe there’s new info I’d like to contribute because I’ve learned a few things since 10 years ago. Maybe I enjoy reading the posts of some of my favorite old-timers. Serious question…why do you even care? I agree. I especially get a kick out of the zombie threads I’d initially replied on because I have no memory of initially replying to them. But yeah, zombie threads are useful in their own right, especially if you go into the search function for something specific. I’ve searched for different things and always come upon threads which are over a decade old…which tells me that nobody’s posted about that particular thing I’m looking for in a very long time. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2016, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/74 "2016-02-15T14:24:00Z")
People, for the love of Dog, next year this CANNOT be resurrected before Valentines Day!! THAT is the day for the resurrection of this, and no earlier. Anyone giving in to their urges on the 13th or earlier should suffer the complete and total devastation of their SDMB reputation. :D:D ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2016, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/75 "2016-02-16T16:18:14Z")
Happy Birthday zombie-thread … calendar marked for next year. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2016, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/76 "2016-02-16T17:55:59Z")
> [@Mithrander](#): > > That was my first thought when I read over the thread … but I couldn’t make it. Six hours is apparently my limit. You might want to try a twelve step program before next year. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2016, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/77 "2016-02-16T20:32:15Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > There are a lot of suggestions for “improvements” to SDMB function. Most are for the convenience or annoyance-reduction of a single user or small group. Some are just to make forum format like all the other squee social media formats. Some are objections to how posts are categorized. > > **But I think a board that never prunes or archives its content and is coming up on its 20th year of operation really, really, really needs a zombie thread marker system** - something that warns the first poster the thread is old, something that alerts new posters to the revived status for a few hours or even the first 24 hours, and a special flag (like “New Posts” or “Closed”) that makes the thread stand out as a zombie. > > It would deter search-spammers, or at least help compartment their trolling. It would keep users new and old from making stupid posts when they don’t realize the question is ten years old. It would keep mods from having to run around putting out little fires because of all the pointless friction. And - not least - it would alert long-time users that an old and possibly useful or interesting thread has been extended. > > It can’t be that hard, or cost that much even if turned over to a pro coder. I can’t help but think that some plugin, extension or hack already exists for this venerable boardware. > > Please. And thank you. And see you every Feb. 14 to roam these halls moaning about it. The solution is simple. Incredibly simple. I’ve suggested it to TPTB at the Derp many times. Without knowing the exact structure of their database, I’m willing to bet that they have something along this line: there is a “parent” record for each thread that has the thread id, title, date created, status, etc. There is a “child” record for each post in the thread with the date, post id, content, etc., etc. It is child’s play to create a procedure that runs nightly, weekly, whenever desired, that goes through all the open threads and looks at the posting date of the last record in the thread. If that date is 6 months or 9 months or a year or whatever was chosen old, that means the thread has been dormant for that length of the time and the procedure changes the parent record status to Closed. Piece of cake. Giraffe, you should be doing this on this board as well. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2016, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/78 "2016-02-16T22:17:05Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > The solution is simple. Incredibly simple. I’ve suggested it to TPTB at the Derp many times. > > Without knowing the exact structure of their database, I’m willing to bet that they have something along this line: there is a “parent” record for each thread that has the thread id, title, date created, status, etc. There is a “child” record for each post in the thread with the date, post id, content, etc., etc. > > It is child’s play to create a procedure that runs nightly, weekly, whenever desired, that goes through all the open threads and looks at the posting date of the last record in the thread. If that date is 6 months or 9 months or a year or whatever was chosen old, that means the thread has been dormant for that length of the time and the procedure changes the parent record status to Closed. > > Piece of cake. Giraffe, you should be doing this on this board as well. Except that’s a horrible idea, because then you would never be able to revisit an old topic. Sometimes there’s a new, interesting update to an old thread. And even though a lot of times yes, zombies are revived by new users who found the thread/board through search and don’t necessarily notice or appreciate the time that has elapsed, it’s still bringing new users to the board. Something which the SDMB is desperately in need of, since traffic and active members have been dropping off precipitously for years. Taking steps to actively discourage new users signing up would be pretty dumb. It’s not a matter of any technical limitation. It’s a matter of determining appropriate policy. ---
**Author:** ![Crazy\_Canuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazy_canuck/32/5282_2.png) [@Crazy\_Canuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazy_Canuck)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2016, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/79 "2016-02-16T23:55:30Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > You might want to try a twelve step program before next year. I make no promises. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2016, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706/80 "2016-02-18T04:09:05Z")
Yah know, a lot of shit has gone down since I had the stupid idea to make this thread, and it seems like folks are going to be determined to resurrect this on a yearly basis, so What The Fuck! To paraphrase Von Luger from _The Great Escape_, “It seems like this thread will see Berlin before I do”… I’m gonna “leave my mark”, so to speak. My contribution to future generations: Don’t take no shortcuts and hurry along as best you can\*, and never bet against the guy with a key to the pinball machine. Greek Roots Suck! Considering the date, _Happy Birthday, Jane!_ If not now, this too, in time will become irrelevant. See You at The Rock Show! \*Stolen from Virginia, more or less [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-thread-was-started-feb-14-2015-do-not-zombie/712706.md?page=5)