# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2012, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/201 "2012-01-19T18:12:43Z")
This turkey’s face stuck that way. Edit: He asphyxiated. ---
**Author:** ![Dalans](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4af34b/32.png) [@Dalans](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dalans)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2012, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/202 "2012-01-19T20:36:18Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Actually, it was an ill-conceived radio promotion. 😃 … in Cincinatti? ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2012, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/203 "2012-01-19T20:49:28Z")
It… It 'twas… soap poisoning! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/204 "2012-01-19T20:52:43Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > This turkey is dead because it left its heart in San Francisco. > [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > And its liver in Kansas City. No giblets included. And Dr. Hannibal Lechter ate the liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/205 "2012-01-19T21:13:19Z")
This turkey tried to rob a Gurkha. It is pre-carved. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2012, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/206 "2012-01-19T21:25:34Z")
This turkey has seen things you wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. This turkey watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. Time to die. ---
**Author:** ![TnTangent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e4f/32.png) [@TnTangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TnTangent)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2012, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/207 "2012-01-19T22:17:43Z")
This turkey was fighting for its right to live, to exist…and should it have won the day, the 4th Thursday of November should no longer have been known as a human holiday, but as the day when the _Meleagris_ declared in one voice, “We turkeys will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on, we’re going to survive!” Today, this turkey celebrates its Thanksgiving Day! Well, at least it would if it weren’t busy being delicious. PS - Long time lurker - love this board. You all make my day on a regular basis! ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/208 "2012-01-19T22:36:04Z")
> [@TnTangent](#): > > Well, at least it would if it weren’t busy being delicious. > > PS - Long time lurker - love this board. You all make my day on a regular basis! And a fine way to hit the ground running! Excellent post. Do some more! Welcome. ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/209 "2012-01-20T15:48:58Z")
This turkey was nuked from orbit, it was the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/210 "2012-01-20T17:03:44Z")
> [@Chopper9760](#): > > This turkey was texting “LOL” to a friend when suddenly a winter sports enthusiast appeared and threw him into a quarry. In point of fact, a group of people strenuously objected to the winter sports enthusiast’s actions and permitted this turkey to sit and watch as tons of stuff were thrown into the quarry. The turkey was regaled with food and drink (including some turkey sandwiches made from some of his roommates) and was allowed years of entertainment watching the quarry fill up with old refrigerators and TV’s and xbox equipment. The turkey thus lived out a long and happy life and died in its sleep at the ripe old age (for a turkey) of 42 years. It is suspected that he was dreaming of a sharp knife at the time. ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/211 "2012-01-20T18:05:15Z")
(Future Classic thread!) This turkey is immortal, born in the Highlands of Scotland four hundred years ago. He is not alone. There are others like him, some good, some evil. For centuries he has battled the forces of Darkness, with Holy Ground his only refuge. He cannot die, unless you take his head and with it, his power. In the end there can be only one. He is your dinner… This turkey went to see Our American Cousin at Ford’s Theatre. This turkey was killed with a stake through the heart. Season liberally with garlic. Ceci n’est pas une turkey This turkey is dead… wrapped in plastic. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/212 "2012-01-20T18:20:40Z")
This turkey followed the chicken across the road. But didn’t make it to the other side. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/213 "2012-01-20T18:24:24Z")
This turkey is a long-time lurker, first-time poster. (origin of phrase “turkey-lurkey”) ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/214 "2012-01-20T18:34:54Z")
This turkey thought the plastic bag was a toy. > [@panache45](#): > > This turkey is a long-time lurker, first-time poster. > > (origin of phrase “turkey-lurkey”) Wouldn’t that be “first-time roaster”? ---
**Author:** ![Argos\_Watch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@Argos\_Watch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argos_Watch)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2012, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/215 "2012-01-20T23:58:52Z")
The Burial of Sir Butterball after Corunna NOT a drum was heard, not a funeral note, As his body to the roaster we hurried; Not a soldier discharged his farewell shot O’er the stove where our hero we curried. We curried him darkly at dead of night, The sod with our bayonets turning, By the struggling moonbeam’s misty light And the lanthorn dimly burning. No useless coffin enclosed his breast, Not in sheet or in shroud we wound him; But he lay like a warrior taking his rest With his dressings all around him. Few and short were the prayers we said, And we spoke not a word of sorrow; But we steadfastly gazed on the body that was dead, And we hungerly thought of the morrow. We thought, as we hollow’d his narrow bed And smooth’d down his potato pillow, That the foe and the stranger would feast o’er his head, And we far away on the billow! Lightly they’ll talk of the spirit that 's gone, And o’er his cold ashes upbraid him— But little he’ll reck, if they let him sleep on In the grave where a Briton has laid him. But half of our heavy task was done When the clock struck the hour for retiring; And we heard the distant and random gun That the foe was sullenly firing. Slowly and sadly we laid him down, From the field of his farm fresh and tales merry; We carved not a line, and we raised not a stone, But we served him accompanied with berries. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/216 "2012-01-21T00:31:14Z")
This turkey is not dead. ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/217 "2012-01-21T00:40:40Z")
There is no turkey. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/218 "2012-01-21T02:33:54Z")
The turkey is a lie. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/219 "2012-01-21T03:01:10Z")
This turkey spent the night at the Bates Motel. ---
**Author:** ![RedWood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f08c70/32.png) [@RedWood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedWood)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/220 "2012-01-21T15:59:05Z")
This Turkey might Have stayed alive Could he have driven fifty-five Butterball! (what, you were expecting Burma-Shave?) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=12)