# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/221 "2012-01-21T19:01:16Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > This turkey committed suicide by wrapping his internal organs in a bag and swallowing them. When I first read this I scowled 😕 and went on. And then, about four posts down, it finally hit me. 😃 _This_ turkey died of laughter, drowning in snot coming out his nose. Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![alindallas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f17d59/32.png) [@alindallas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alindallas)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/222 "2012-01-22T12:09:53Z")
Ahh, the ennui! Who REALLY wants to be the last poster? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/223 "2012-01-22T14:46:17Z")
> [@alindallas](#): > > Ahh, the ennui! > > Who REALLY wants to be the last poster? Well, it won’t be you! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/224 "2012-01-22T15:03:05Z")
This turkey was killed by friendly fire; the Joint Command will conduct a full investigation of this regrettable incident. This turkey swung by too close to the processing plant to salute an old retired friend. This turkey is now enjoying the company of seventy two heavenly hens. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/225 "2012-01-22T15:06:44Z")
_Keyser Soze steps into a limo and is driven away from the turkey_ ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/226 "2012-01-22T21:28:07Z")
This turkey painted himself from head to toe in gold paint and died of . . . you know . . . that thing where your skin can’t breathe. This turkey used a bullet to jury-rig a blown fuse in his truck and crashed when it fired and hit him in the hoo-haw. He left behind a lovely widow who is said to be hungry for frog’s legs. This turkey yelled “Look, no hands!” and then, well, the less said the better. Use in place of hamburger as a healthy alternative in your favorite recipe! This turkey died in a hazing incident. Details are sketchy. Remove all sequins before baking. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/227 "2012-01-22T21:54:59Z")
This turkey watched \*Mythbusters \*and then made the mistake of trying what he had just seen at home. Comes pre-roasted. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/228 "2012-01-22T22:59:20Z")
Nice work, **Argos Watch** This turkey opened the back of the TV set and attempted repair of non-user-serviceable components. This turkey operated heavy machinery after taking his medication. _For the sake of us men and for our satiation, the turkey suffered under the orders of Pontius Meleagris, was crucified, died and was buried, and descended into Hades._ This turkey did not seek immediate medical attention for changes in vision and hearing accompanying a four-hour erection. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/229 "2012-01-22T23:02:07Z")
This turkey [ate nothing but rabbit](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC2RYiaM6WU). ---
**Author:** ![emcee2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emcee2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emcee2k)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/230 "2012-01-22T23:18:54Z")
Nobody had this turkey in the Death Pool. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2012, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/231 "2012-01-22T23:54:31Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > . . . > > This turkey opened the back of the TV set and attempted repair of non-user-serviceable components. > . . . Bravo! This turkey removed the tags from a mattress and suffered dire penalties. . . ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/232 "2012-01-23T02:49:25Z")
This turkey knew just enough French to get into trouble. This turkey violated CanCon rules. This turkey tried to run away from a husky, but that’s what huskies do, they run and run, they love to run, and they’ll do it all day… This turkey suffered the wrath of Anonymous. This turkey lost the card that was put inside the the library book it borrowed. This turkey smoked within 5 metres of the pumps. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/233 "2012-01-23T03:22:28Z")
This turkey went over Niagra Falls in a barrel. ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/234 "2012-01-23T16:17:04Z")
This turkey had a bad feeling and in the end, The Force was not with him. This turkey failed to wear reflective clothing (not even blinky shoes) while jogging at night. This turkey died due to a series of unfortunate events triggered in a different hemisphere by the flutter of a butterfly’s wings. This turkey _attempted_ a daring motorcycle jump and was devoured by a shark. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/235 "2012-01-23T17:40:42Z")
This turkey thought Batman was not prepared. He is now pre-pared. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/236 "2012-01-23T18:00:08Z")
This turkey died for our sins. This turkey went up against a Sicilian when death was on the line. (This turkey is tasteless and odorless; heavy spicing or marinading recommended). This turkey ate a wafer-thin mint and exploded. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/237 "2012-01-23T18:21:18Z")
This turkey got its ass handed to itself on a platter. ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/238 "2012-01-23T18:42:35Z")
This turkey was sitting on the Group W bench when it was stabbed by a father-raper - no word on whether or not the knife was sharp. This turkey was pushed into a deep, black well by her father who later went to the barn and hanged himself in shame. > [@lieu](#): > > This turkey got its ass handed to itself on a platter. He didn’t have two hands _or_ a flashlight, poor bastard never had a chance. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/239 "2012-01-23T18:58:08Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > This turkey went over Niagra Falls in a barrel. This turkey went over Niagra Falls \*without \*a barrel. It might taste a bit watery. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/240 "2012-01-23T19:18:53Z")
This turkey tried to outswim the rip tide. (Pre-brined, just rinse and bake!) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=13)