# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/241 "2012-01-23T19:22:09Z")
> [@Chopper9760](#): > > . . . . > > **This turkey _attempted_ a daring motorcycle jump and was devoured by a shark.** I have to admit, I was kinda hoping this would be the last post. ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/242 "2012-01-23T20:00:30Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I have to admit, I was kinda hoping this would be the last post. Nay, turkey thread can _never_ jump the shark. Never! This turkey had a fever that could only be cured by more cowbell but there was no cowbell to be had, I blame Will Ferrell. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/243 "2012-01-23T20:51:47Z")
This Turduncan got her long scarf wrapped around the axel of her open car, causing a broken neck. We will all dance barefoot in Isadora TurDuncan’s honor. StG ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/244 "2012-01-23T22:24:53Z")
♪ \*“There must be…500 ways to kill your turkey.”\*♫ (With apologies to Paul Simon.) ---
**Author:** ![chinaskies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@chinaskies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chinaskies)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/245 "2012-01-23T22:34:23Z")
this turkey was shot in reno just to watch it die… ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/246 "2012-01-23T23:39:03Z")
This turkey answered a distress call from LV-426. (Comes pre-butterflied, cook thoroughly on high heat.) ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/247 "2012-01-23T23:45:14Z")
This turkey [said “What” again](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snW3cM1KipQ), mother\*\*\*ker! ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/248 "2012-01-24T15:08:54Z")
> [@chinaskies](#): > > this turkey was shot in reno just to watch it die… That’s the third time so far. Must be a serial killer. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/249 "2012-01-24T15:35:44Z")
This turkey got a Red Ryder air rifle for Christmas and shot its eye out. The BB lodged in the brain and the poultry surgeons were not able to save the unfortunate bird. ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/250 "2012-01-24T16:40:47Z")
This turkey failed to get a bigger boat whilst sailing around Amity island. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/251 "2012-01-24T16:44:11Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > This Turduncan got her long scarf wrapped around the axel of her open car, causing a broken neck. This turkey performed a triple axel. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/252 "2012-01-24T17:22:04Z")
This turkey’s bound for glory, this turkey This turkey’s bound for glory, this turkey This turkey’s bound for glory I used a sharp knife so it wasn’t gory This turkey’s bound for glory, this turkey ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/253 "2012-01-24T19:15:27Z")
This turkey drew aces and eights while sitting with its back to the door. This turkey didn’t come back from Dead Mans Curve. This turkey dropped acid and thought it could fly. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/254 "2012-01-24T19:17:53Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > This turkey got a Red Ryder air rifle for Christmas and shot its eye out. The BB lodged in the brain and the poultry surgeons were not able to save the unfortunate bird. I’m chuckling at the thought of poultry surgeons - you mean chefs? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/255 "2012-01-25T15:18:46Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > This turkey made Dirty Harry’s day. “Well? Do you feel clucky, punk?” ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/256 "2012-01-25T15:25:50Z")
**Death Note** I want turkey for Thanksgiving.\* This turkey died so that you can live. - Next time remember not to use Death Note for grocery list. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/257 "2012-01-25T17:48:43Z")
This turkey built a coop on a burial ground and was killed by poultrygeists. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/258 "2012-01-25T18:50:19Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > This turkey died so that you can live. Yes, this turkey died for our (cou)sins. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/259 "2012-01-25T19:46:58Z")
This turkey participated in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=639617) thread. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/260 "2012-01-25T20:17:19Z")
This turkey met legba at the crossroads at midnight on a night with no moon. For thirteen years he was the greatest blues guitarist the world has ever known. … there are Hellhounds on his Trail, no longer. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=14)