# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2012, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/281 "2012-01-26T22:25:22Z")
> [@Chopper9760](#): > > This turkey didn’t shoot Andy but they hung him anyway, don’t trust backwoods southern lawyers. it’s “don’t trust NO backwoods southern lawyer” ain’t yoo nevah bin to the south? This turkey said hello to my li’l fren ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2012, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/282 "2012-01-26T22:35:47Z")
This turkey died from drinking too much water in a hold your Wee for a Wii radio contest. This turkey died from an IED in Iraq. This turkey died when his mother heard the voice of God who told her to drown him in a bathtub. This turkey died playing too much World of Warcraft in a Chinese labor farm. This turkey died of avian flu. This turkey died from Severe Combined Immune Deficiency Syndrome after living for 12 months in a plastic bubble. This turkey died by being tasered by a trigger-happy officer who didn’t know it was wearing a pacemaker. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/283 "2012-01-26T22:47:11Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Listen, and understand. This turkey is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. That’s right, it’s The Turkinator. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2012, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/284 "2012-01-26T23:19:04Z")
This turkey tried taking a canoe trip down the Cahulawassee. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2012, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/285 "2012-01-26T23:30:11Z")
This turkey was hit on the head by a plummeting tortoise that was dropped by an eagle. The tortoise was unharmed (though rather surprised). ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2012, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/286 "2012-01-27T00:33:48Z")
This turkey was east bound and down but failed to make it into the safety of the rockin’ chair. > [@garygnu](#): > > Maxwell’s silver hammer came down upon this turkey’s head. Eleanor Rigby keeps this turkey’s face in a jar by the door. This turkey was trapped in time, surrounded by evil, and ran out of gas. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/287 "2012-01-27T00:46:51Z")
Tom Turkey, gobbler. A bird barely alive. “Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world’s first bionic fowl. Tom Turkey will be that fowl. Better than it was before. Juicier…meatier…tastier.” ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/288 "2012-01-27T00:46:54Z")
All this and more - news at eleven. And now back to Judge Judy. This turkey is suing that turkey for using fowl language. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2012, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/289 "2012-01-27T01:14:54Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > This turkey performed a triple axel. But you have to admit, it was poultry in motion. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2012, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/290 "2012-01-27T01:20:58Z")
This turkey gave Marsellus Wallace’s wife a foot massage. I ain’t saying it’s right for Marsellus to throw this turkey into a four hundred degree motherfucking oven but this turkey should have fucking known better. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2012, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/291 "2012-01-27T20:14:12Z")
This turkey went hunting with Dick Chaney. 'Nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/292 "2012-01-27T21:03:09Z")
At 11 pm when the main hatchway caved in, this Turkey said: “Fellows it’s been good to know 'ya.” ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2012, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/293 "2012-01-27T23:39:39Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > This turkey went hunting with Dick Chaney. 'Nuff said. This turkey said “nuff said” one too many times! 😉 (sorta) Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2012, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/294 "2012-01-31T00:10:52Z")
…and with strange aeons, even turkey may die… ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2012, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/295 "2012-01-31T13:41:05Z")
> [@G0sp3l](#): > > …and with strange aeons, even turkey may die… And with that it is over. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/296 "2012-01-31T18:41:24Z")
This turkey told Tommy to get his shinebox and was buried upstate. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2012, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/297 "2012-02-02T20:55:54Z")
This turkey used a match to check for a gas leak. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2012, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/298 "2012-02-02T21:20:24Z")
This turkey operated the hair dryer while sleeping in the bathtub. Precooked. ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/299 "2012-02-03T01:17:10Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > This turkey used a match to check for a gas leak. Silly turkey. If you’re gonna do that, you gotta stand back! ---
**Author:** ![Kilmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a6a055/32.png) [@Kilmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilmore)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2012, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/300 "2012-02-03T03:19:42Z")
This turkey declared war on the Allies in 1914. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=16)