# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 25
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2018, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/481 "2018-12-05T15:04:11Z")
Inspired by Roald Dahl’s Revolting Rhymes I had a turkey to be killed But since I lacked the need skill I asked for a person who would do it good And heard the tale of Little Red Riding hood Who had killed a wolf, bad and big And later saved three little pigs From being another wolf’s dinner I knew this child would be a winner. So I called her, made a date For the turkey to meet his fate. She arrived, smiled real good And whipped a pistol from her hood Aimed it at the turkey’s head And BANG_BANG_BANG she shot him dead. And now that she had killed the beast I invited her to partake of our feast. And though it may seem quirky That’s how we killed our Thanksgiving turkey. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/482 "2018-12-06T01:34:25Z")
This turkey got in the way of Annie-Xmas who is crushing it today! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2019, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/483 "2019-10-04T13:30:45Z")
This turkey tripped while drinking through a stainless steel straw. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2019, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/484 "2019-10-04T13:31:58Z")
This turkey was decapitated while trying to jump-start a helicopter. His last attempt was a success. . . ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2019, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/485 "2019-10-04T13:32:49Z")
This turkey shouldn’t have been bumped until next month. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2019, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/486 "2019-10-04T13:33:07Z")
This turkey killed John Wick’s dog. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2019, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/487 "2019-10-04T13:36:26Z")
This turkey went up to the roof to check the reactor core. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2019, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/488 "2019-10-04T13:37:32Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > This turkey shouldn’t have been bumped until next month. Spoilsport! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2019, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/489 "2019-10-04T13:57:58Z")
This turkey was killed by a Dallas police officer who “made a mistake.” This turkey supposedly died of “natural causes,” but it happened in Arkansas. Add it to the Clinton body count list. “It knew something about the Clintons and was probably killed by one of their henchmen.” ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2019, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/490 "2019-10-06T01:36:54Z")
This turkey answered the wrong robo-spam call. This turkey ate yogurt past the expiration date This turkey ate food that was on the floor for six seconds. Violating the 5-second rule has deadly consequences. This turkey declawed her cat, then posted about it on social media. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2019, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/491 "2019-10-06T01:54:06Z")
This turkey succumbed to suicidal thoughts after taking Chantix. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2019, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/492 "2019-10-06T20:55:55Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > . . . > This turkey declawed her cat, then posted about it on social media. Ground meat. LMAO! This turkey got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas eve. ---
**Author:** ![Tatterdemalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Tatterdemalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tatterdemalion)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2019, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/493 "2019-10-07T01:48:58Z")
I shot the turkey, But I did not shoot the chickadee. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2019, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/494 "2019-10-07T05:39:48Z")
“This Turkey was Killed with a Sharp Knife.” That would do well on a headstone. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2019, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/495 "2019-10-07T05:53:44Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > This turkey succumbed to suicidal thoughts after taking Chantix. This turkey was killed by the tobacco industry who will stop at NOTHING to keep people smoking for as long as they can, including making up false rumors about a drug like Chantix that gives you a permanent mild buzz that is the exact equivalent that you get from smoking (it blocks and partially activates the same pleasure receptors in the brain that smoking does). I know because I used it very successfully for only two months I and haven’t had even a puff of a cigarette for almost eight years now. ---
**Author:** ![ASL\_v2.0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asl_v2.0/32/3525_2.png) [@ASL\_v2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASL_v2.0)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2019, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/496 "2019-10-07T06:18:45Z")
This turkey was presented with a choice: depart these lands forthwith and remain henceforth and forevermore banished, or suffer the ultimate penalty. He chose death. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2019, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/497 "2019-10-07T09:16:36Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > This turkey was killed by the tobacco industry who will stop at NOTHING to keep people smoking for as long as they can, including making up false rumors about a drug like Chantix that gives you a permanent mild buzz that is the exact equivalent that you get from smoking (it blocks and partially activates the same pleasure receptors in the brain that smoking does). I know because I used it very successfully for only two months I and haven’t had even a puff of a cigarette for almost eight years now. This turkey (me) sometimes had strange dreams\* and more rarely, some odd waking thoughts while taking Chantix. The odd mental stuff was too much for me so I stopped; but I believe it works well for some people. \*This doesn’t describe it very well because dreams can be very “strange” for anybody whether they’re taking Chantix or not. But this was a “something is not right” feeling of strange and involved somewhat dark ideations though not suicide, exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2019, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/498 "2019-10-07T14:10:00Z")
This turkey was walking alone in a bad neighborhood after dark looking dangerous. What did he expect? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2019, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/499 "2019-10-07T17:37:36Z")
This turkey tugged on Superman’s cape This turkey spit into the wind This turkey pulled the mask off that old Lone Ranger And this turkey messed around with [del]Jim[/del] Slim ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/500 "2019-10-08T18:55:32Z")
This Turkey was killed by the Kurds No, way! No, whey. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=24) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=26)