# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 26
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2019, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/501 "2019-10-09T03:34:20Z")
“Close to the western summit [of Mount Kilimanjaro] there is the dried and frozen carcass of a turkey. No one has explained what the turkey was seeking at that altitude.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2019, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/502 "2019-10-09T13:29:17Z")
This turkey tried to cross the road while looking up in the rain, and proceeded to get hit by a car and drown. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/503 "2019-10-23T21:46:49Z")
This turkey was poisoned with polonium-210 by two former GRU officers. Eliminates static cling! Recommended cooking time is at least 138 days at low heat. Chelation therapy may be necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/504 "2019-10-23T22:29:35Z")
This tuuuuur-key’s bound for glory, this tuuuur! This tuuuuur-key’s bound for glory, this tuuuur! This tuuuuur-key’s bound for glory, Its demise will be so gory This tuuuuur-key’s bound for glory, this tuuuur! ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/505 "2019-10-23T22:32:07Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > This turkey was killed by hand with a blunt knife. Print that up and put it on the turkey burger patties next to the whole birds in the supermarket ---
**Author:** ![ASL\_v2.0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asl_v2.0/32/3525_2.png) [@ASL\_v2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASL_v2.0)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/506 "2019-10-24T00:24:57Z")
This turkey had a thing for little turklets. Let 'um burn. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/507 "2019-10-24T15:45:48Z")
This turkey was killed by a nail. A toenail. A very sharp toenail. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/508 "2019-10-24T15:58:03Z")
I gave this idiot turkey every chance. Did I do anything when she went out into the freezing cold to brush snow away from a little tree? NO! Did I do anything when she came in all excited, thereby slipping and almost hurting herself? NO! Okay, so I laughed a little. Okay, I lot. And I cried. It was funny. That turkey was kind of dumb, but maybe kind of smart and had a young heart. She kept me up on Christmas Eve cause I gave her a puppy. Did I say anything? NO! And talking about crying. Did I give her hell for crying over some silly late night movie. NO! But when she wrecked my car. Well, that was the beginning of the end. I pretended not to be made, and she hugged my neck. Damn near choked me to death. And then she has the nerve to cry about it. Did I do anything then? NO! But I was smart. I waited till I went away on a business trip, sneaked back into town, and then…Well, let’s just say “the angels came.” I’m glad to get rid of that turkey. I wish I could get rid of the memories. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2019, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/509 "2019-10-26T05:45:59Z")
This turkey was[killed by a rhino](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVQ7URF09G0)during an ill-considered “In My Feelings” challenge attempt. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2019, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/510 "2019-10-26T05:48:28Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > . . . and then…Well, let’s just say “the angels came.” > > I’m glad to get rid of that turkey. I wish I could get rid of the memories. :eek: You all right there Hun? ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2019, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/511 "2019-10-26T08:33:53Z")
This turkey passed away in the fire and collapse of the building ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/512 "2019-10-28T03:57:08Z")
“…I also do weddings, Sweet Sixteens, and Bar Mitzvahs. Tell your friends!” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/513 "2019-10-28T17:15:30Z")
This turkey died from an ill-conceived Cincinnati radio Thanksgiving promotional event on Thanksgiving Day It got crushed by a turkey falling from the sky. The last words this turkey said was “They can’t hit a turkey at this dis----BAM” ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/514 "2019-10-28T23:25:56Z")
This turkey finally got a chance at the big time, a lead part in a Shakespeare play – hey, it doesn’t matter too much just which one, does it? Anyhow, the director got a little carried away with the making the final act realistic. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2019, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/515 "2019-10-29T13:30:16Z")
I’ve personally spoken to this turkey with my sixth sense. I see dead turkeys. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2019, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/516 "2019-10-29T13:41:46Z")
This turkey rode in the back seat of Jules’ car while Vincent talked about a Royale with Cheese. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2019, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/517 "2019-10-29T14:01:22Z")
The leader of this turkey pack died in a motorcycle crash. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/518 "2019-11-05T03:21:42Z")
This turkey was killed by hand; with a pencil. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/519 "2019-11-05T16:38:52Z")
This turkey was a witch who was not suffered to live. He did suffer when it was killed by hand with a pencil. A #2 pencil. A #2 _sharp_ pencil. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/520 "2019-11-26T20:49:52Z")
This turkey was drummed out of the Turkey corps by a military court, but Trump pardoned it while making weak impeachment jokes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=25) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=27)