# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 27
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2019, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/521 "2019-11-27T13:53:17Z")
With his dying breath, they heard this turkey say, “Tell Laura I love her.” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2019, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/522 "2019-11-27T17:23:39Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I’ve personally spoken to this turkey with my sixth sense. I see dead turkeys. If you’re seeing a live turkey on Thanksgiving, you should have planned out your meal preparation schedule better. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2019, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/523 "2019-11-27T17:31:44Z")
I do occasionally see live wild turkeys in my neck of the woods (Northern NJ). If it ever happens on Thanksgiving, I will be a turkey who dies laughing. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2019, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/524 "2019-11-27T18:22:03Z")
This turkey ignored the warning sign at the overlook, climbed over the railing for a selfie, and plummeted to his death. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2019, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/525 "2019-11-28T15:01:25Z")
“I am inevitable”, boasted Thanos as he smugly snapped his fingers…and nothing happened. Puzzled, he turned his massive hand over to look at the other side of the Gauntlet, only to find the sockets housing the Infinity Stones _empty_. Shooting a look across the way, he found his golden/crimson foe with the Stones in his own wing! “And I…am…IRON TURKEY!” _FLAP_ ---
**Author:** ![Wrenching\_Spanners](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecb155/32.png) [@Wrenching\_Spanners](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wrenching_Spanners)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2019, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/526 "2019-11-28T16:46:15Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > This turkey ignored the warning sign at the overlook, climbed over the railing for a selfie, and plummeted to his death. This turkey was taking a selfie in Venice during the floods, forgot that there were canals underneath the floodwaters, stepped off the pavement into a canal and [del]drowned[/del] died of embarrassment. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2019, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/527 "2019-11-28T17:10:45Z")
This turkey accepted an invitation to a roast, thinking being the guest of honor meant people were going to tell jokes about him. ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2019, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/528 "2019-11-28T17:44:04Z")
This turkey has lived since the dawn of time. It moved silently through the centuries, living many secret lives, as it struggled to reach the time of The Gathering. There can be only one. ---
**Author:** ![Tatterdemalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Tatterdemalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tatterdemalion)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2019, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/529 "2019-11-28T18:22:36Z")
This Turkey … ack - squawk … thud ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2019, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/530 "2019-11-28T19:04:04Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > This turkey played with a Ouija board. 😃 This turkey died after playing poker with tarot cards. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2019, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/531 "2019-11-28T23:39:27Z")
This turkey was a Jedi, and wouldn’t turn to the dark side. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2019, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/532 "2019-11-30T14:21:53Z")
God told this turkey to accept his capital punishment, and he would rise from the dead in three days. God lied. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2019, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/533 "2019-11-30T15:11:01Z")
This turkey was innocently taking the elevator down in an apartment building located at 2311 North Los Robles Avenue, Pasadena, California when a nutjob stopped the elevator, put a bomb in it and sent it on its way. It took over 14 years to get all the turkey parts out and get the elevator running again. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2019, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/534 "2019-11-30T19:59:14Z")
This turkey was a member of Heaven’s Gate. This turkey was a member of the People’s Temple. This turkey was a member of the Branch Davidians. This one was cooked to perfection. The others had an “off” taste. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2019, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/535 "2019-11-30T20:15:03Z")
This turkey starred in Heaven’s Gate. And died of shame. ---
**Author:** ![ASL\_v2.0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asl_v2.0/32/3525_2.png) [@ASL\_v2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASL_v2.0)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2019, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/536 "2019-11-30T20:15:25Z")
This turkey was gunned down while standing on the sidewalk outside his motel room. According to police, he was due to testify against the leader of suspected chicken smuggling ring with ties to Chick-fil-A. He was pronounced dead at the scene, and his body was used to make a local family very happy on Thanksgiving. Please consider being an organ donor yourself if you’re not already. ---
**Author:** ![Wrenching\_Spanners](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecb155/32.png) [@Wrenching\_Spanners](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wrenching_Spanners)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2019, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/537 "2019-11-30T21:08:32Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > God told this turkey to accept his capital punishment, and he would rise from the dead in three days. > > God lied. This turkey rejoiced that God is forgiving and has a sense of humor. Especially when the former is required because, if a turkey is going to make an anti-religious joke, she should at least try to avoid making an Easter joke during the Christmas season. If a turkey is going to insult other people’s religious beliefs, they should at least respect their calendar. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/538 "2019-12-05T14:40:06Z")
Religious jabs in Thread Games? This turkey was walking by the Dakota on December 8, 1980. It is now one Cold Turkey. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/539 "2019-12-05T14:57:22Z")
> [@DorkVader](#): > > This turkey was a Jedi, and wouldn’t turn to the dark side. Come to the Dark Side. We have Dark Meat. Also Dark Chocolate. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/540 "2019-12-05T15:46:47Z")
This turkey died in a fight to the death with a vicious quokka. Its final word was “rosebud.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=26) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=28)