# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 29
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2021, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/561 "2021-11-26T16:11:57Z")
This turkey fired all the weapons of his STK-3F Stalker Battlemech at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2021, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/562 "2021-11-27T03:32:34Z")
This turkey peed on the third rail. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/563 "2022-11-21T15:23:21Z")
This turkey ordered the fugu at a discount sushi bar. This turkey tried to [steal an iPad in a war zone.](https://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2022-03.html) ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/564 "2022-11-21T15:32:32Z")
This turkey needed an abortion in Texas. @TruCelt, thanks! I was thinking of this thread just the other day. ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/565 "2022-11-21T15:34:50Z")
Since nobody seems to have gotten my very clever reference, here is the explanation. > **[Lawrence Oates | Death](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawrence_Oates#Death)** > > According to Scott's diary entry of 16 or 17 March (Scott was unsure of the date but thought the 17th correct), Oates had walked out of the tent the previous day into a −40 °F (−40 °C) blizzard to his death. Scott wrote in his diary: "We knew that poor Oates was walking to his death, but though we tried to dissuade him, we knew it was the act of a brave man and an English gentleman." According to Scott's diary, as Oates left the tent he said, "I am just going outside and may be some time."\[21 Sco... ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/566 "2022-11-21T15:45:15Z")
This turkey ignored the mandatory evacuation order. This turkey entirely accidentally and unexplainably fell out of a window of his Moscow high-rise. ---
**Author:** ![Wrenching\_Spanners](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecb155/32.png) [@Wrenching\_Spanners](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wrenching_Spanners)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/567 "2022-11-21T16:15:27Z")
This turkey decided he’d already committed career suicide and might as well get some money while he still had name recognition. > **[Matt Hancock suspended as Tory MP for joining I'm a Celeb cast](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-63471923)** > > The former health secretary is punished by his party after announcing he will join the reality show. And this turkey was ~~decapitated~~ cut off for calling the above turkey a c\*\*t. > **[Sara Cox forced to cut radio show guest off after dropping Matt Hancock C-bomb](https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/showbiz-news/sara-cox-forced-cut-bbc-25554974)** > > She had to apologise to listeners tuning in across the country ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/568 "2022-11-21T16:43:48Z")
This turkey got up, dressed all in black Went down to the station, and he never came back They found his clothing scattered somewhere down the track And he won’t be down on Wall Street anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/569 "2022-11-21T16:55:38Z")
I got it, I just didn’t know what to say. Also, this turkey was bought by Elon Musk for $44 billion. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/570 "2022-11-21T17:00:15Z")
On a serious note, the safest way health wise to terminate turkeys and chickens is to hang them by the feet from shackles so that they are hanging head down and then by cutting their throats so that they bleed out as quickly and completely as possible. The message indicates that the coup de grace was administered properly. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/571 "2022-11-21T17:03:42Z")
Nice. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/572 "2022-11-21T17:47:10Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > hang them by the feet from shackles so that they are hanging head down and then by cutting their throats so that they bleed out as quickly This is how most poultry are killed in processing plants. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/573 "2022-11-21T20:07:45Z")
This turkey has been returning to this thread ever since an accident with a few rubber bands, a liquid lunch, and a particle accelerator. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2022, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/574 "2022-11-22T02:53:14Z")
Never take a turkey to a cockfight. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2022, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/575 "2022-11-22T07:23:17Z")
This Turkey nipped off to the kitchen at Milliways and humanely shot itself. ---
**Author:** ![Wrenching\_Spanners](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecb155/32.png) [@Wrenching\_Spanners](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wrenching_Spanners)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2022, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/576 "2022-11-22T11:32:26Z")
This turkey was killed by being disintegrated in an Intrinsic Field Subtractor. However, he managed to resurrect himself. Fortunately, the next time he was disintegrated, he didn’t die. He’d learned how to reassemble himself from the first time. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2022, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/577 "2022-11-22T14:48:13Z")
> [@Wrenching\_Spanners](#): > > Fortunately, the next time he was disintegrated, he didn’t die. He’d learned how to reassemble himself from the first time. If you had him once for Thanksgiving, you could have leftovers forever! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2022, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/578 "2022-11-25T01:16:53Z")
A turkey’s lifespan is ten years. This turkey saw the OP and died. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2023, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/579 "2023-10-31T20:01:21Z")
This turkey unwisely shared his flight plans with his good friend Vlad. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2023, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/580 "2023-10-31T20:02:09Z")
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