# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/41 "2012-01-12T15:26:08Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Actually, it was an ill-conceived radio promotion. šŸ˜ƒ As God as my witness I thought turkeys could fly. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/42 "2012-01-12T15:27:42Z")
This turkey died because it went swimming less than a half hour after eating. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/43 "2012-01-12T15:40:03Z")
This turkey bravely gave its life while rescuing 16 eggs from a tragic coop fire. (Precooked; reheat at 300 degrees for 30 minutes.) This turkey was killed while resisting arrest during a protest in Damascus. This turkey was found dead in bed with an empty can of Dust-Off. This turkey tugged on Supermanā€™s cape, this turkey spit into the wind, this turkey pulled the mask off that old Lone Ranger and this turkey messed around with Jim. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/44 "2012-01-12T15:47:24Z")
This turkey opened the Ark of the Covenant. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/45 "2012-01-12T15:49:47Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > This turkey was killed humanely by an overdose of reds. What did you use for stuffing? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/46 "2012-01-12T15:50:10Z")
This turkey slept in a room with a fan on. In Korea. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/47 "2012-01-12T15:50:35Z")
This turkey went ā€œWee! Wee! Wee!ā€ all the way home. It just HAD to die. Thatā€™s my story & Iā€™m sticking to it. In the livestock farming system, the turkeys are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the farmers, who eviscerate and distribute meat; and the Markets who sell them. These are their storiesā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/48 "2012-01-12T15:54:54Z")
This turkey drowned from looking up in a rainstorm. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/49 "2012-01-12T16:00:18Z")
ā€œThis turkey was assassinated by the CIA.ā€ ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/50 "2012-01-12T16:07:33Z")
This turkey was killed while trying to escape. This turkey was killed by being trampled at a Who concert. This turkey was killed by choking on itā€™s own scarf while driving. This turkey died on the 4th of July shortly after uttering the words, ā€œHey Yā€™all! Watch this!ā€ This turkey caught a ride home from Ted Kennedy. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/51 "2012-01-12T16:09:10Z")
This turkey died tangled up in the gears and belt of a treadmill during an ill-conceived experiment to see if it could attain lift-off. This turkey choked on a pretzel. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/52 "2012-01-12T16:11:14Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > . . . > > **This turkey tugged on Supermanā€™s cape,** > **this turkey spit into the wind,** > **this turkey pulled the mask off that old Lone Ranger** > \*\*and this turkey messed around with Jim. \*\* This actually worries me just bit. Not only was I not the only one to come up with this, but somebody else thought of it before I did. This may be a sign of the coming of the Dope-pocalypse. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/53 "2012-01-12T16:11:35Z")
This turkey dreamed of Freddy Krueger. Pre-sliced. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/54 "2012-01-12T16:14:28Z")
This turkey walked five steps after being subjected to the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. ---
**Author:** ![RoeCocoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7feea3/32.png) [@RoeCocoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoeCocoa)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/55 "2012-01-12T16:18:54Z")
This turkey took a shower during a thunderstorm. This turkey was found underneath a Nimitz class aircraft carrier, in the middle of a cornfield in Kansas. ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/56 "2012-01-12T16:28:03Z")
This turkey was texting ā€œLOLā€ to a friend when suddenly a winter sports enthusiast appeared and threw him into a quarry. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/57 "2012-01-12T16:41:06Z")
This turkey was assassinated by Mossad. Donā€™t ask why. This turkey married Henry VIII. This turkey was defenestrated by a rival turkey. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/58 "2012-01-12T16:57:57Z")
This turkey isnā€™t really dead, itā€™s just pining for the fjords. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/59 "2012-01-12T17:06:37Z")
> [@cornflakes](#): > > This turkey took a dry dive from a hotel room > This one hung himself from a cell in the tombs > This one jumped in front of a subway train > The last one one got slit in the jugular vein > That turkey, I miss it more than all the others, > I salute it, my brother Damn it, you beat me to it. So Iā€™ll do the other joke I wanted to makeā€¦ This turkey took a knife while arguing in traffic. This turkey died a natural death, he caught a nasty virus. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/60 "2012-01-12T17:17:10Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > What did you use for stuffing? Stuff it? It wasnā€™t empty! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=4)