# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/61 "2012-01-12T17:26:31Z")
Turkey Or not turkey That is the question. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/62 "2012-01-12T17:37:49Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > “This turkey was killed in an explosion in a retaliatory killing by the Chicken Mafia. It turns out that he had previous chocked \*the \*chicken.” Did the chocks prevent the chicken from rolling? 😃 This turkey was killed by being ingested into a jet engine. It was its first solo flight. He leaves behind two drumsticks, two wings and a sausage preparation. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/63 "2012-01-12T17:53:12Z")
T is for Turkey who fell down the stairs. T is for Turkey assaulted by bears. T is for Turkey who wasted away. T is for Turkey thrown out of a sleigh. T is for Turkey who choked on a peach. T is for Turkey sucked dry by a leech. _etc., etc._ ---
**Author:** ![Telperion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telperion/32/509_2.png) [@Telperion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperion)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/64 "2012-01-12T18:37:07Z")
This turkey was second-in-command of Al-Qaeda. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/65 "2012-01-12T18:43:08Z")
This turkey was killed the old fashioned way. With a Blunderbuss. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/66 "2012-01-12T18:45:21Z")
this is an ex-turkey. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/67 "2012-01-12T18:50:05Z")
> [@Telperion](#): > > This turkey was second-in-command of Al-Qaeda. Third. (Well, maybe second now; I haven’t been keeping up with the news of that sort of stuff. But back in the day the org chart was: 1. Osama, 2. Ayman, 3. whoever the Americans just killed). ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/68 "2012-01-12T18:53:32Z")
OJ denies stabbing this turkey to death. Clinton denies having sex with this turkey. Weiner denies sending photos of his weiner to this turkey. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/69 "2012-01-12T19:10:35Z")
This turkey’s head jerked back and to the left. ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/70 "2012-01-12T19:15:18Z")
This turkey wouldn’t tell Jack Bauer where the Turkey Liberation Front had hidden the bomb. _or_ This turkey was introduced in Hour 3 as a new CTU analyst, and died in a “very special moment” in Hour 18. ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/71 "2012-01-12T19:25:13Z")
“I, Sarah Palin, [approve the slaughtering](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJd_vm9VhpU) of this turkey.” > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > OJ denies stabbing this turkey to death. If the oven mitt does not fit, you must aquit! > [@](#): > > Clinton denies having sex with this turkey. That depends on your definition of the word _turkey_. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/72 "2012-01-12T19:42:10Z")
This turkey was dating Dr. Steven Kiley. This turkey was wearing a red Star Fleet shirt. ---
**Author:** ![Minnie\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Minnie\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minnie_Luna)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/73 "2012-01-12T19:48:32Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > This turkey choked on someone else’s vomit. It could have been his own vomit. You can’t really dust for vomit. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/74 "2012-01-12T19:50:48Z")
RE: The OP’s turkey I wonder if the butcher was trying to achieve some sort of religious certification for the processing of the turkey’s, but missed on a technicality? Maybe Kosher or Halal certification? If I had gone to all that trouble just to be refused because, say, an employee spilled milk on the floor at lunchtime, or the guy who said the prayers was sick that day, (have no idea whether those are accurate examples, you get my point though) I might put a small blurb on the label hoping that for less strictly observant people it would still leave me one up on the choice over another brand. “Oh, well it’s not fully kosher/halal/zoroastrianized, but at least we know this one was killed correctly, and it’s only $.02 per pound more. . .” This turkey picked up a hitchhiker whose brain was squirmin’ like a toad. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/75 "2012-01-12T19:55:19Z")
This Turkey was killed by a vengeful Armenian. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/76 "2012-01-12T19:56:59Z")
> [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](#): > > This turkey died in a bizarre gardening accident. This turkey spontaniously combusted while playing drums onstage. This turkey was shot to death by John Wesley Hardin for snoring too loud. > [@Susie\_Derkins](#): > > I bet that turkey tasted _awful_. Way to kick a turkey when he is down. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/77 "2012-01-12T19:57:47Z")
This turkey was killed by a Serbian nationalist, which unfortunately led to World War I. This turkey was killed by being sat on by yo mama, and is wafer thin. This turkey was the new Number Two, and has been dismissed from duties. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/78 "2012-01-12T20:15:27Z")
This turkey was replaced by Dick Sargent. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/79 "2012-01-12T20:26:33Z")
They took this turkey’s life, but they’ll never take its freedom. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/80 "2012-01-12T20:34:31Z")
This turkey died of an overdose of tryptophan. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=5)