# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/121 "2012-01-13T15:35:58Z")
This turkey dated Joran Van der Sloot. This turkey went running back to a car stalled on the railroad tracks, to get her boyfriend’s class ring. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/122 "2012-01-13T15:53:36Z")
This turkey had forgotten the face of its father. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/123 "2012-01-13T16:28:04Z")
This turkey’s lack of faith was… disturbing ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/124 "2012-01-13T16:41:38Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > This turkey was killed while trying to escape. … or committed suicide. I haven’t made up my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/125 "2012-01-13T16:44:21Z")
This turkey chose … unwisely. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/126 "2012-01-13T16:46:19Z")
The other turkey got the Lady. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/127 "2012-01-13T17:40:35Z")
This turkey told us he was sick. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/128 "2012-01-13T18:01:03Z")
This turkey regretted he had but one life to give for Thanksgiving. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/129 "2012-01-13T18:14:02Z")
This turkey’s name was [John.](http://snopes.com/photos/signs/headstone.asp) ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/130 "2012-01-13T20:15:20Z")
This turkey failed its saving throw. This turkey died young and left a good-tasting corpse. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/131 "2012-01-13T21:56:36Z")
This turkey put a bottle to it’s head and pulled the trigger. (Fully marinated, just bake and eat!) This turkey carries her dreams with a broken wing. Man, you ought to see her fly. This turkey spent the night in the pines, where the sun never shines, and shivered when the cold wind blowed. (Thaw three hours at room temperature or in the refrigerator overnight.) They found this turkey’s head in the drivin’ wheel, and his body in the pines. This turkey went down in flames. (Natural smoke flavor!) This turkey stopped lovin’ her today. (Fresh, never frozen!) This turkey took four steps toward the door. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/132 "2012-01-13T23:25:54Z")
Maxwell’s silver hammer came down upon this turkey’s head. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/133 "2012-01-14T05:08:03Z")
This turkey was killed by a chicken armed, apparently, with a pullet gun. ---
**Author:** ![RoeCocoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7feea3/32.png) [@RoeCocoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoeCocoa)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/134 "2012-01-14T07:22:07Z")
All in the merry month of May, when green buds all are swellin’, this turkey on his deathbed lay for love of Barbara Allen. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/135 "2012-01-14T15:53:14Z")
> [@TheTerribleTako](#): > > This turkey died after swallowing a duck that swallowed a chicken. …that swallowed a fly. I don’t know she swallowed the fly But she died. This turkey molested Eric & Lyle Menendez. House’s team misdiagnosised this turkey (IT’S NEVER LUPUS!!!) ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/136 "2012-01-14T16:32:34Z")
"They’re too precious about the food. ‘Hello, my name is Aldo and I’ll be your waitperson tonight. Tonight’s special is wood-roasted breast of free-range chicken. Your chicken’s name will be Maurice. As a young chick, Maurice roamed the lush pastures and fertile valleys. He was free and happy. He enjoyed supervised activities - golf, Pictionary. He dreamed of visiting India, of one day being a circus performer. But when he reached five pounds, we cut his head off! _sniffle_ He is survived by his wife Henrietta and two eggs…’ " - Marga Gomez ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/137 "2012-01-14T16:32:59Z")
This turkey was nibbled to death by ducks. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/138 "2012-01-14T19:00:48Z")
This turkey pissed off Randall Flagg in Vegas. This turkey had a count that came up light. This turkey brought his mom a Cadillac with the Air France money. This turkey thought the crew didn’t know he was a Rat. ---
**Author:** ![what\_do\_I\_type\_here](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a5b964/32.png) [@what\_do\_I\_type\_here](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/what_do_I_type_here)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/139 "2012-01-14T19:39:49Z")
turkey: Doc, it hurts when I do this! _kills self with sharp knife_ turkey doctor: Then don’t do that! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/140 "2012-01-14T20:01:12Z")
This turkey drank the vessel with the pestle instead of the chalice from the palace. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=8)