# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![RoeCocoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7feea3/32.png) [@RoeCocoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoeCocoa)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/141 "2012-01-14T22:08:21Z")
This turkey thought it could cross and re-cross the bridge indefinitely, gaining a point every time. Then he got stuck on the wrong side of the chasm and had to reset. This turkey fed the pie to the eagle, rendering himself defenseless against the yeti. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/142 "2012-01-15T02:47:11Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > This turkey drank the vessel with the pestle instead of the chalice from the palace. Just when I thought this thread was winding down. A solid gold post, sir! ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/143 "2012-01-15T02:50:02Z")
The farmer accidentally left this turkey on the riverbank with the fox while he ferried the grain across. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/144 "2012-01-15T14:26:45Z")
This Turkey was killed by cruel farmers in underground turkey killing competitions ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/145 "2012-01-15T15:37:03Z")
This turkey only had three days left before retirement. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/146 "2012-01-15T18:21:16Z")
Someone left this turkey out in the rain. And where is that damn recipe? This turkey married one of them boys from the Ponderosa Ranch. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/147 "2012-01-15T18:35:25Z")
Please forgive this moment of seriousness, but if you haven’t seen [My Life as a Turkey](http://video.pbs.org/video/2168110328) you owe it to yourself to give it a try. It’s special! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/148 "2012-01-15T18:43:30Z")
This turkey was [del]a doctor killed by an anti-abortionist[/del] an abortionist killed by a pro-lifer. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/149 "2012-01-15T21:25:45Z")
Did I miss it, or did no one here state the obvious?: **Fowl play!** ---
**Author:** ![truthbot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@truthbot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthbot)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/150 "2012-01-15T23:33:27Z")
That Turkey was jive. The hand with the sharp knife was just following orders. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/151 "2012-01-16T00:06:43Z")
This turkey was cut in about a hundred places and he was shot in a couple more. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/152 "2012-01-16T00:18:48Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > This turkey was cut in about a hundred places and he was shot in a couple more. In effect, this bird be’s dead. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/153 "2012-01-16T01:48:48Z")
This turkey fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets. ---
**Author:** ![fighting\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ac8455/32.png) [@fighting\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fighting_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/154 "2012-01-16T02:27:58Z")
Lisa: Mom, are those turkeys dead? Marge: No, they’re just, uh, sleeping. Upside down. And… inside out. ---
**Author:** ![RedWood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f08c70/32.png) [@RedWood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedWood)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/155 "2012-01-16T04:09:53Z")
this turkey is walkin’ Spanish down the hall this turkey got 16 shells from a thirty-ought six this turkey was a murder in the red barn ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/156 "2012-01-16T04:48:55Z")
“This turkey is dead. This turkey remains dead. And we have killed it. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? The most tender and toothsome of domestic fowl that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of thanksgiving, what new stuffing recipes shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we not become master cooks simply to appear worthy of it?” - Nietzsche, _Talking Turkey, And Other Holiday Recipes_ (1882) ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/157 "2012-01-16T05:37:19Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > _Chute_ me now. Damn. Wish I’d said that. ---
**Author:** ![RedWood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f08c70/32.png) [@RedWood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedWood)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/158 "2012-01-16T05:44:10Z")
…this turkey said “Hi!” like a spider to the fly… ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/159 "2012-01-16T06:04:29Z")
This turkey was pardoned by the President. With tears of gratitude, it tried to hug Mr. Obama . . . and was shot by Secret Service. Its blood splattered across the entire First Family. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/160 "2012-01-16T06:50:37Z")
This turkey pulled a knife, we pulled a gun. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=9)