# This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252 "2012-01-12T03:51:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/161 "2012-01-16T09:24:00Z")
Ten years ago, on a cold dark night, this turkey was killed beneath the town hall light. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/162 "2012-01-16T12:23:31Z")
This turkey was found dead in the bathtub of a seedy motel along with a note that read “call 911”. No giblets included. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/163 "2012-01-16T12:31:16Z")
This turkey invented and patented a combined feather removal and head cutting device, and then sadly fell into it by accident. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/164 "2012-01-16T14:42:34Z")
The nice, burnished glow on the outside skin is due to someone going medieval on hillbilly turkey’s ass with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/165 "2012-01-16T15:12:10Z")
This turkey was forced to look beyond the veil to unspeakable eldritch horrors. This turkey was touched by a being that cannot exist in our reality, but somehow does. This turkey was granted immortality by beings of unspeakable terror. On the 17th day of the third month after it’s packaging, it will rise up and gain revenge on those who consume it. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/166 "2012-01-16T15:34:42Z")
This turkey was first stabbed, but it survived. It was then poisoned with enough cyanide to kill a horse, but that didn’t drop it either, so it was then shot in the head. However, it somehow still kept getting back up, so it was shot three more times, bludgeoned, castrated and then thrown into a frozen river. We \*think \*it’s dead now, but if it jumps up during Christmas dinner and starts babbling mystical nonsense in Russian, well, don’t say we didn’t warn you. ---
**Author:** ![RoeCocoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7feea3/32.png) [@RoeCocoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoeCocoa)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/167 "2012-01-17T06:56:03Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > This turkey was cut in about a hundred places and he was shot in a couple more. This turkey looked like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone. This turkey was drawn and quartered. No additional prep work needed! ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/168 "2012-01-17T07:52:00Z")
This frozen turkey carries a terrible curse! But it comes with a free frogurt. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/169 "2012-01-17T14:22:09Z")
This turkey threw herself in front of an eggbeater to save her children. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/170 "2012-01-17T15:42:09Z")
This turkey is not pinin’, it’s passed on. It is no more. It has ceased to be. It’s expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late turkey. It’s a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it’d be pushin’ up the daisies. It’s run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible. This. Is an Ex. Turkey. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/171 "2012-01-17T16:28:47Z")
Please God, this turkey’s only 17! ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/172 "2012-01-17T17:23:31Z")
This turkey left holy ground only to be met by the Highlander. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/173 "2012-01-17T17:33:38Z")
This turkey woke up this morning, put on its slippers, walked in the kitchen and died. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/174 "2012-01-17T18:29:41Z")
This turkey simply walked into Mordor. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/175 "2012-01-17T18:45:50Z")
This turkey was killed in a freak accident. Siamese twins were talking to each other while driving a car and ran over him. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/176 "2012-01-17T20:08:07Z")
This turkey made Dirty Harry’s day. This turkey threatened Indiana Jones with a saber. This turkey pulled a knife on Crocodile Dundee. This turkey tried to pry a gun from Charlton Heston’s warn live hands. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/177 "2012-01-17T20:42:42Z")
This turkey called Kevin Kline stupid. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/178 "2012-01-17T22:11:20Z")
This turkey’s death at Altamont signaled the end of the 1960’s This turkey was hanged, drawn and quartered for the attempts regicide of Louis IV. It’s last words were “this will be a hard day.” This turkey is a product of Balkan agriculture, so its eyelids were sliced off and its head held in place so that as it died it would have to watch its daughter being raped and murdered. (too dark?) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2012, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/179 "2012-01-18T04:09:23Z")
Somebody won a war by making this poor dumb turkey die for his country. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2012, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252/180 "2012-01-18T16:09:53Z")
“He’s dead, Jim.” “I’m a doctor, not a cook!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-turkey-was-killed-by-hand-with-a-sharp-knife/609252.md?page=10)