# This Week in Penis Theft News
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 23, 2008, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532 "2008-04-23T12:48:32Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/1 "2008-04-23T12:48:32Z")
There are repports of attempted lynchings over suspected Penis Thefts by sorcery in the Congo:
> [@](#):
>
> KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.
[http://uk.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUKL2290323220080422](http://uk.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUKL2290323220080422)
But apparently there is a real problem with thefts fro sperm banks in India:
> [@](#):
>
> MUMBAI, India (AP) - A laboratory technician who allegedly tried to make a quick buck by stealing samples from the Indian sperm bank where he worked has been arrested after a doctor tipped off police, authorities said Tuesday.
>
> The employee allegedly stole the sperm from a sperm bank in the western city of Aurangabad, and tried to sell 101 vials of it to a doctor in Mumbai for about $625, Aurangabad police chief Krishna Lal Bishnoi said.
[http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080422/D9074O4O0.html](http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080422/D9074O4O0.html)
I’d heard about penis thefts in Africa years ago, but I didn’t realize it was still going on. You could probably make buig money selling counter-spells, or a Kryptonite Penis Lock, or something.
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/2 "2008-04-23T12:58:20Z")
I have to wonder if anyone in the Congo doesn’t do strong drugs. Penis thefts, cows turning into women and back into cows, witch burnings or death beatings, and other weird nonsensical crap seam to be the norm for there.
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/3 "2008-04-23T13:04:44Z")
Black magic shrank my penis. At least, that’s how I’m explaining it from now on.
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### Author:  [@Flander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flander)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/4 "2008-04-23T13:35:35Z")
Sorry **Mangetout** , there’s no counter-spell either. Once you go black, you never go back.
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### Author:  [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/5 "2008-04-23T13:37:40Z")
[Santana] _Got a black magiked penis.
Got a black magiked penis.
I’ve got a black magiked penis,
Got me so small I can’t screw.
That it’s a black magiked penis
It’s trying to make it felt inside of you._ [/Santana]
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### Author:  [@Shryn\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shryn_King)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/6 "2008-04-23T14:06:42Z")
When discovering a really small penis…
> [@Shryn King](#):
>
> Hmmmmmm…so, have you been to the Congo lately?
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### Author:  [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/7 "2008-04-23T14:51:50Z")
_“There I was, there I was, in…the Congo.”_
from: Bud Dry Commericial, 1990’s and a line used every time we play Risk, the game of world domination, and place armies in…the Congo.
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### Author:  [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/8 "2008-04-23T15:45:07Z")
A witch once turned my penis into a newt…
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/9 "2008-04-23T16:06:59Z")
[QUOTE=Ale]
A witch once turned my penis into a newt…
[/QUOTE]
Was it good for you?
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### Author:  [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/10 "2008-04-23T16:32:19Z")
[QUOTE=tdn]
Was it good for you?
[/QUOTE]
… It got better…
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### Author:  [@Shryn\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shryn_King)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/11 "2008-04-23T17:02:01Z")
[QUOTE=Ale]
A witch once turned my penis into a newt…
[/QUOTE]
That line might work for you…
My first response was… “I want to see!!”
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### Author:  [@Crescend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crescend)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/12 "2008-04-23T17:58:41Z")
I defer to the appropriate [authorities](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4) on the matter.
_I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It’s detachable…_
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/13 "2008-04-23T18:50:10Z")
[QUOTE=Ale]
A witch once turned my penis into a newt…
[/QUOTE]
Very small rocks off.
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### Author:  [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/14 "2008-04-23T22:52:08Z")
> [@](#):
>
> KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.
>
> Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.
Source: [Reuters](http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN2319603620080423?feedType=RSS&feedName=oddlyEnoughNews&rpc=22&sp=true)
You just can’t make up this stuff.
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### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/15 "2008-04-23T23:02:55Z")
[Apparently penis theft is rampant in the Congo.](http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN2319603620080423?feedType=RSS&feedName=oddlyEnoughNews&rpc=22&sp=true)
Heads up, guys. 😉
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### Author:  [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/16 "2008-04-23T23:11:29Z")
This is the third thread about this today. 🙂
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### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/17 "2008-04-23T23:27:30Z")
Well, it’s a huge topic! I would think most men would worry about shrinkage!
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### Author:  [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/18 "2008-04-23T23:29:06Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass]
Well, it’s a huge topic! I would think most men would worry about shrinkage!
[/QUOTE]
No need here baby. 😃
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### Author:  [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2008, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/19 "2008-04-23T23:45:44Z")
Here’s a sentence I never expected to type: “For your convenience, I’ve merged all the penis stealing threads.”
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### Author:  [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)
#### Post date: [April 24, 2008, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/20 "2008-04-24T04:16:59Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23]
Here’s a sentence I never expected to type: “For your convenience, I’ve merged all the penis stealing threads.”
[/QUOTE]
Whew! Thank God you caught this before Penis Ensued!
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